Cavalcade
by allyssumdays
Summary: "Look at me when I say this." When he met that gaze, everything- the noise, the wind, the rain- the whole world just stopped. "Because I'll say anything. Anything you need to hear. Just be here when I say it." Warnings inside
1. Rescind

Here we go again.

**Warnings For This Story: **More than anything else, this is a memoir. A moment in Roxas's life. Parts of it are going to be hard to understand, and parts of it are simple to a fault. You may laugh, smile, cry, get a bloody nose (it's happened), and it may not affect you at all. Some of the scenes within will not be appropriate for younger readers, and may offend others- but I think they know better than to read fanfiction by now. Think that's it...

**Warnings For This Chapter: **Um... nothing really going on in this chapter you need warnings for. Babble at conclusion.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you don't want one, Dem?"<p>

Shaking his head furiously, the blonde replied, "Axel, I hate pain, you know that. Why would I willingly subject myself to thousands of teeny-tiny-pinpricks?"

"Because tattoos are sexy," His best friend replied with a grin, adding, "How do you think I get so much business?"

They heard the front door of the tattoo parlor chime, as if waiting for its cue.

When Demyx shot Axel a suspicious look, he just shook his head and replied, "Relax. It's probably just Xigbar with the new gun."

"Unless it's another creepy psycho who wants alien babies inked on the back of her neck," Demyx presented, following Axel from the office.

It wasn't Xigbar, of course, but the person standing in Axel's shop didn't appear to be one of the types Demyx had described. He didn't even look old enough to be in the lobby; Axel was pretty sure there were laws in Radiant Garden against minors getting tattoos, and the boy in front of him couldn't be legal.

Hell, even if he was legal, Axel didn't think he was in the right place. As far as he could see, the kid didn't have any markings whatsoever, not even a piercing. By the time Axel, who came from a less prestigious neighborhood called Hollow Bastion, was fifteen, he'd had eight piercings, and it wasn't until after the last one that he even considered a tattoo.

"Welcome to _Organization XIII_," He called with a smile, deciding to give the young blonde the benefit of the doubt. "You look like you need a lip ring."

This based on the mild look of interest on his face as he studied the display, showcasing all the many types of lip piercings, before he'd noticed Axel was there. But when he turned around, giving Axel a most skeptical look, the tattoo artist was caught off guard by the bright, dark blue eyes staring back at him. _He might not be legal, but with those eyes, he could pass for it._

But then the look was gone, and he walked towards Axel as he answered, "No, I'm not here for a piercing. I'm discussing a tattoo. Should I talk to you?"

"I'm the only one in the office," Axel replied, giving him the same feral smirk he'd given Demyx. "You old enough for a tattoo, kid?"

Another look, something more like irritation, before he affirmed, "My name is Roxas, and I'm twenty-three."

"NO WAY!" Demyx couldn't help but comment, pushing past Axel and demanding, "I want proof of that, lemme see some I-D!"

Roxas rolled his eyes, reaching for his wallet and pulling out what looked like a pilot's license. "That count?"

"...For fuck's sake, Axel, he's twenty-three!" Demyx turned back to Axel, showing him the card and continuing, "Look, and he's a Gummi Pilot!"

Axel gave him a sharp elbow to his ribs, responding as he took the license, "Yes, Demyx, I saw that. Now stop acting like a crazy before you scare him off."

While Demyx left the pair alone, deciding to mope on the couch from a distance, Axel turned back to Roxas; he had resumed staring around the shop, now more focused on the sample art on the wall. Axel had tried to prevent Xigbar from posting them, and was adamant that he wouldn't replicate any of his previous designs, but in the end his boss had his way.

"Are these yours?" Roxas asked lightly.

Not one to be arrogant, but still reasonably proud of his work, Axel replied, "Yup. Some were collaborations with a traditional artist, but she doesn't like to put her name on them."

"Yeah, Naminé does that." The surprise must have shown on his face, because Roxas glanced at him with a small smirk of his own and explained, "My little sister. It was her recommendation to come here."

_Well, la-di-da._ Axel gestured him in, past the front counter and into the actual studio. Here there were three sectors, each belonging to a different Nobody, as the members of the conglomeration were called (though Axel still wasn't sure why). One for Axel, who was the primary tattoo artist, doing piercings as needed; one for Larxene who, as the only female member, dealt with the more squeamish female clientele of _Organization_ _XIII_; and one for Saix, who dealt with the extreme procedures such as branding, dermal implants, and some of the stranger piercings (like wrists and cheeks).

Axel was quite at home in his station, motioning Roxas to sit on the table opposite him. Of course, Roxas didn't, choosing to lean against the edge instead. Axel wasn't bothered by this; a lot of people out for their first tattoo wouldn't sit at first. Because Axel was still sure that Roxas had never had a tattoo- of course, he would find out soon enough. In the mean time, he settled into his desk, sliding the mouse passively to stop the odd montage that was his screen saver. He was going to have to remember to smack Demyx for that later.

With a small sigh, he turned back to Roxas, asking, "So, do you have a tattoo in mind, or are you still thinking about it?"

"It's in my email, here," Roxas moved, leaning across Axel to access the computer.

Now mind you, Axel had often been in situations such as this: a very interesting, very _attractive_ person practically falling into his lap, about to be in a very vulnerable position. Of course, generally, the person in question was making it more than obvious how much they wouldn't mind falling into Axel's lap, so Axel had taken advantage of those situations without a second thought.

He was going to have to mind his manners with this one, though, if Roxas was anything like his little sister.

Finally, Roxas pulled back, instructing, "Naminé designed it for me. She said that she usually gives you a concept and you work off of it. And actually," And for a second, he almost looked sheepish, but he cleared his throat and continued, "She actually said it might do me some good to let you design it."

"Why's that?" Axel asked without even glancing at the screen.

He trusted Naminé. It would be a great design. Maybe even a challenge.

Roxas shrugged nonchalantly, before answering quietly, "She said you like to hear the stories behind tattoos before you start them. That you refuse to make a meaningless mark."

"She's telling the truth," Axel replied with a nod. "Tattoos get a reputation of being stupid and cliché from people who put no thought into them. I won't contribute to that."

Nodding as well, Roxas finally sat on the bench as he explained, "Mine isn't meaningless. It, um.. It's got so many different meanings to it, I don't know how long it would take to explain to you, or if you'd ever really understand what I wanted. That's why I asked Naminé to get the concept down first. She's always been there, she-"

He stopped suddenly, glanced at Axel, then chuckled wryly. Finally, he managed, "She knows more than any sister should know about her brother."

"They usually do," This with a contemplative stare. Axel asked carefully, seeing that Roxas was more like Naminé than he'd thought, "So do you want to use this concept, or do you want to tell me?"

Roxas stared back at him, this redhead who his sister had assured him was trustworthy. Admittedly, he wasn't yet sure he wanted this tattoo. He was pretty sure he did, but sitting here and seeing all the equipment that went along with the procedure was making him question the decision. Even if he did want it, he sure as hell wasn't ready to get started on it that night.

And while he trusted Naminé and her judge of character, he wasn't sure how much of himself he was willing to share with this tall, scrawny, half-condescending man. Not just in a physical sense, either.

Pressing his lips together firmly for a moment, he decided, "I don't know yet. I kinda wanted to just come in and get a feel for things, I mean..."

"You want to know what you're getting yourself into," Axel supplied, and when Roxas nodded but avoided his stare, Axel added, "Look at me when I say this."

Finally, nervously almost, Roxas did, and he received an easy grin. "Relax, kid. This is your first tattoo, it's not something you wanna rush into. If you don't feel confident in the shop, artist, and equipment used, you'll never enjoy it. I wasn't going to start on you tonight, anyway."

He watched Roxas relax, and took the time to look over the concept. After a moment, he asked, "Did you see the design already?"

"Um... No? She said not to open it until I got here." Tense again, Roxas asked in kind, "Why?"

Green eyes flicked over to him; the teasing in them showed in his voice as he turned the monitor, explaining, "Looks like Naminé thought you were rushing into it."

For there on the screen was a simple paopu fruit with a watch face on the side. At first, Roxas just stared at it blankly; then he laughed, rubbing his eyes.

"You should do that more often," Axel mention quietly.

Roxas, smiling still, asked, "Do what more often?"

"Laugh." He watched Roxas's face become more serious, and Axel continued, "Don't look so surprised. I tell Naminé that all the time. It must be hereditary."

Agreeing with this, the blonde murmured, "Well, in the nest, twigs are sharp... so what were you planning on doing tonight, if not starting the tattoo?"

"First, I gotta check on Demyx," Axel said, standing and walking back towards the lobby, adding over his shoulder, "He's quiet, which is never good."

He found his best friend talking with Xigbar, who had showed up with the new gun after all.

"I am NOT getting a tattoo, why does NO ONE believe me?"

Xigbar ignored Demyx's protest, insisting, "C'mon, I betcha Axel will even do it for free."

"Not on your life," Axel teased with a sarcastic grin, "I charge extra to tie people up."

Demyx threw up his hands, exclaiming, "No, really, it's okay! I don't need to be tied up! I'm good!"

Ignoring him further, Xigbar bartered with Axel, "I'll tie him up. Sounds fun."

"Should I be concerned?"

Roxas had apparently followed Axel out, and was leaning against the door frame between the studio and lobby.

Instantly, Xigbar shot Axel a deathly look, demanding, _What have I told you about sex at work?_

"Roxas, this is Xigbar, the manager for this branch," Axel explained, adding to Xigbar, "This is Roxas, Naminé's big brother. She suggested he come in for a tattoo."

The accusatory look melted instantly, and Xigbar answered Roxas with, "I wouldn't be too worried. Axel's knots are very secure."

"Uh-huh." Roxas smirked, walking towards the group. He said to Demyx with a predecessor to teasing, "So if you don't like tattoos, what brings you in?"

Demyx rolled his eyes, muttering, "I ask myself that every time I come here."

"Aw, c'mon, Demy," Axel said with another sharp jab to his ribs, "You know you love tattoos just as much as I do."

Smacking him away, Demyx nonetheless smiled and admitted to Roxas, "Yeah, it's true. I love tattoos, I'm just too much of a wuss to get one."

Xigbar glanced at his watched, swearing under his breath as he grabbed up a half-empty box. "I still need to stop by the other office to drop off that white ink. You guys still have plenty, right?"

"Yeah, we usually just refer people over to Marluxia," Axel agreed.

Glad of the fact, Xigbar instructed him, "The gun's behind the desk, don't leave the doors unlocked- _again_- and make sure he signs a waiver before anyone starts."

Roxas was in the midst of deciding whether or not he wanted to ask 'what gun' when Demyx turned to him and asked, "Do you have any piercings?"

"I-? No, I don't," Roxas answered offhandedly.

Demyx continued undeterred, "You should get one. Not a lip piercing, though, you don't want those out of commission."

"Um-"

But Demyx, much the way he'd been treated before, had turned to Axel, asking, "What do you think, industrial? He has really pretty ears."

To Roxas's horror, the redhead leaned over to inspect his ears, agreeing, "Cute. But remember, Demyx, most people had normal jobs that frown upon such modifications."

"Oh, bularky, the kid's a Gummi pilot, they don't care."

At this point Roxas managed to intercede, "I might care?"

Rolling his eyes with a grin, Axel asked, "What, you want a tattoo but piercings freak you out?"

"No, I just don't know what an industrial piercing is," Roxas answered.

Demyx laughed, adding, "Look! His ears are red! This kid's cute all around!"

Before Roxas could threaten him (and Axel was sure he was going to), the older blonde's pocket went off; after checking the ID, he practically skipped back to his couch.

"That's probably his boyfriend," Axel explained quietly, adding almost sheepishly, "Sorry about that. Demyx is kind of a creep that way. He gets all fussy when we talk about sticking him even for medical reasons, but anytime someone comes in for a strange piercing, he HAS to be here. He's like a groupie for the _Organization_."

Roxas considered this, asking, "So why doesn't he just join as a piercer?"

"I'm in the process," Axel replied as he climbed over the counter to check his new hardware, "His problem is that he gets really shaky when he's about to punch through. He's pretty confident with ears now, but as far as anything less mundane, he's useless. Personally, I think he's got an ear fetish, it's something to do with being a musician."

"He's a musician?" Roxas asked, surprised when Axel nodded.

Laughing at his expression, Axel continued, "The bigger mindfuck is that he plays guitar. Now, ask me if he's a whore."

Which sounded like a trap, a way to completely ruin Roxas's image of him, but he asked, "Is he a whore?"

"Nope," This with a tender smile as he glanced back at his best friend. Then he turned to Roxas, asking, "See that look on his face, like a teenage girl with her first crush?"

It was a fairly accurate description, and Roxas nodded. Axel explained, "He always gets that expression when he's on the phone with Zexion; and he only gets that way when Zexion calls. They met when we were in middle school. From that first day, anytime Demyx has that look, I know it's Zexion. And they didn't even start dating until the summer before graduation. They've been together ever since."

_Wow._ Such stories didn't exist in the real world, Roxas thought. But watching the way Demyx stared off into space, looking completely content, he believed it.

"So about that industrial," Axel taunted, bringing Roxas back to the previous conversation. Axel pulled him over to an oversized model of an ear, with all different kinds of piercings in it. He pointed to a bar, reaching from halfway up the outside curve to just above where the top of the ear met the scalp. "That's what Demyx was talking about."

Roxas was glad, because all the things he could imagine doing to his ears seemed much scarier. "How much does it hurt?"

"Like everything else we do in this shop," Axel replied, still almost teasing, "It depends on you. Usually, it's a good sharp hurt when the punch is made, and it stays pretty sore for a while afterward. It takes somewhere between three-months and a year to heal, if you take care of it properly and it doesn't get infected."

Demyx had returned, adding lightly, "But don't worry, Axel won't let it get infected. He's a natural caretaker."

Wryly, Axel muttered, "That's why I can't get rid of him."

"Shaddup," Demyx replied with a grin, then asked of the other, "Well, what do you think, Roxas? Can I punch a hole in your ear?"

Again, Axel amended under his breath, "Two holes, Dem."

Demyx turned back to him, smacking him and demanding that he stop making him look like an idiot in front of other people. Axel retorted that Demyx seemed to be able to do that on his own. They continued on in this way for a while, Roxas just watching, until Axel threatened to tie Demyx up and tattoo "Pansy Ass" on his forehead.

"And you _know_ I can tie you up!"

Roxas decided it was time to intervene, answering, "Okay."

"No, not okay, he's not tying me up-!" Demyx stopped mid-tirade, realizing, "Oh, you meant the industrial. Really?"

Nodding, Roxas answered, "Yeah. Punch a hole in my ear."

Demyx didn't need further prompting, heading back into the studio to Axel's station, knowing where things were hidden. Roxas looked to Axel, who was giving him another careful stare.

"What?"

With a shrug, Axel replied, "Nothing. Just trying to figure you out... Naminé never talked about you, and I've never seen you around."

"Yeah, I..." Roxas looked away before responding, "I haven't been around for a while."

Axel saw the hesitation, and offered, "I guess that's part of being a Gummi pilot, right? A year on, three months off, for five years?"

Roxas nodded again.

"Well, when do you head back out?" Axel asked, "I wouldn't want to get halfway done with your tattoo and then have you leave."

Eyes cast down, Roxas answered honestly, "I... I was supposed to head out a few weeks ago. I didn't pass my evaluation this year. They rescinded my qualifications."

_Well, fuck._ Axel wanted to say something, but really, what could he say? He sure as hell wasn't going to ask why Roxas had failed his evaluation. Gummi pilots were held to a pretty high standard; physical requirements, psychological demands, competency standards- not just any kid off the street could become one. And if Roxas had made it once, but not twice, something had changed.

And Axel could tell the blonde wasn't ready to talk about it. So he just reached out, fussing with the blonde spikes before deciding, "C'mon. I'm pretty sure Demyx is beside himself with excitement."

* * *

><p>"<em>Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!<em>" Roxas rolled over to smack his alarm, cursing the day he'd let his best friend program the damn thing.

Once it was silenced, he habitually moved to rub his eyes, hoping to fend off the world for a little longer. But he ended up pressing down on his ear, which reminded him not-quite-pleasantly of his new and intentional injury. Gritting his teeth so tightly he was sure they'd break, he was about three seconds away from finding that redhead and killing him.

_Pretty sore my left foot, _Roxas thought, the throbbing ache of the piercing murdering what was left of his sleep.

There was one upside to waking up this way: now, Roxas was able to skip over the initial moments of confusion that came from waking up on Naminé's couch. Because now he knew where he was, and he remembered why he was there, and not on his ship, with his crew, where he should have been. Rubbing his eyes, he resigned to starting his morning, rolling off the couch.

As he stepped into the bathroom, he let himself pause to consider the silver bar. When he and Axel had gone into the studio, Demyx was ready and waiting; but Axel told him to wait, going in search of this specific bar for Roxas. It was surgical steel, flat on one side, with embossed black letters that read _Oblivion_ in clear print.

When Demyx asked why Axel wanted to use that one, he'd just shrugged. "_Just sounds right._"

He'd chosen not to comment on it. That wasn't a door he was ready to open. Roxas wanted to mess with it now, but reminded himself to just leave the bar alone and take care of his shower.

* * *

><p>Naminé was making breakfast when he found her in the kitchen. She gave him a soft smile, sliding him toast.<p>

These moments were ones Roxas still wasn't sure how to handle.

Gummi pilots never knew where they would wake up, let alone what they'd be eating, if anything. When he took his three months leave every year, he spent the majority of it trying to remember how to sleep in and spend time doing things other than work. Those three months were never relaxing, like they were meant to be.

He felt like he should be moving from place to place, and even when they were stationed, Gummi ships still tended to shift near constantly. It was comforting.

He wasn't sure what he was going to do now, knowing he wasn't going back to that.

"Axel talked you into a piercing instead?" She asked softly, nodding at his ear.

Sheepishly, he replied, "No, not Axel. Have you met his friend Demyx?"

"Yeah, he's always up there," Naminé replied, "I should have guess he would. He's been trying to guilt me into it for months."

Roxas wasn't surprised by this, mentioning when he remembered, "By the way, I think you're slipping. That design was pretty lackluster."

Naminé gave him a knowing smile, but coyly shrugged and answered, "That could be. Maybe you should have Axel just freehand one for you."

A thought Roxas had already considered. He knew there was something more to the redhead, something hidden; which was something Roxas was used to, in a way, so he wasn't sure why it bothered him so much with Axel. Of course, he'd never been asking any of the seclusive characters to repeatedly stab him with needles to permanently mark him.

"Maybe," He finally managed before adding, "You only have morning classes today, right?"

She nodded, confirming, "It's Tuesday. Just political science and humanities. Any plans for the day?"

"Just... looking for a job, I guess," Roxas replied, looking away before he continued, "Gotta do something, I mean, I'm not gonna crash on your couch forever."

Without hesitation she contradicted, "You can stay as long as you need to, Roxas."

Of course she'd say that. Because she was his sister, and she loved him, and because she thought he needed taken care of. And maybe he did, just a little bit.

But he couldn't stay.

* * *

><p>Well, folks, this came out of nowhere. Just so you know, this fic is not just about Axel giving Roxas a tattoo. I agree with Axel; every tattoo has a meaning, a story. This isn't a montage about Roxas getting a tattoo, this is about Roxas getting a story, and basing a tattoo on it. And you're not going to understand everything from the beginning, or at least I hope not.<p>

Things have changed a little from _Sincerely, The Cassette Tape _obviously. For instance, this story is not based in our world, a world that knows of Korean pancakes and _Red Dawn_ and things like that. Consequently, you won't know about some of the things in this world. So I will cover things I think might raise questions, and if you have any others, please review and ask them. I always respond- no, really, I do. Anyway.

_On tattoos, piercings and procedures: _Being as I'm not a professional in that field at all, I ask that you please excuse any inaccuracies on my part. I put a fair amount of time into research, but it's one of those things you have to live to fully get, and I've only dipped my toes in.

_On Gummi pilots: _Oh yes, I went there. Why Gummi pilots, you ask? Well, because that just seemed like the most logical thing. Err, wait. I'm sure there was a better reason, but just go with it for now. As far as the specifications of being a Gummi pilot. Um... You'll learn more about the profession as a whole over the course of the story.

_On Roxas's alarm:_ If you read his alarm's words and instantly wanted to shout "SHUT UP, NAVI!", you were right.


	2. Superannuated

There are quite a few new concepts in this chapter, but that all gets explained later. In related news, you should be able to expect an update every two weeks, give or take a few days. I'm comfortable with saying that now, and if there is a chance of delays, I'll let you know. Moving along!

**Warnings:** Roxas gets into a fight. SIGH, what a trouble maker.

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><p>His first stop for the day was probably the worst place he could imagine working, though he was well-qualified for the job.<p>

"So what makes you think you can teach Struggle?"

The arrogance of his guide was irksome, to be sure; Setzer carried himself like he actually deserved the affections of the countless girls swarmed in the stands, watching his class practice. Well, watching _Setzer_ watch his class practice. Well, watching Setzer watch them while his class practiced. Roxas found the whole pretense ridiculous, but he couldn't say that.

Instead, he offered, "I've had training. Placed top on my HDL Evals."

"HDLs? You were a Gummi pilot?" This seemed to put a crack in the facade, drawing Setzer's attention from his fans to Roxas. "Kinda small, aren't you?"

Roxas didn't quell under the accusing stare, nor roll his eyes at the snarky comment. "Maxed out on C&D Drills, too."

Setzer cocked an eyebrow at him, interest obvious. But he waved off the accomplishment, responding airily, "Well, those standards are set by the KM Theater, and we all know how thoroughly King Mickey coddles his foot soldiers. I'll humor you, however; let's see how you fare against one of our instructors."

_Those standards?_ Roxas seethed at the mocking tone in the man's voice. _Foot soldiers?_ He was literally biting his tongue to keep from challenging Setzer directly. He needed a job.

He followed as Setzer led him passed the various levels of students. The youngest were between six- and eight years old, learning the proper way to grip their Struggle bats and the basics of guards and attacks; then came the more intermediate students, formed into groups of four to better develop their skills; and finally the advanced level, paired up and sparring.

Suddenly, one of those students were shoved back from his defensive stance. As his partner walked over to help him up, Roxas felt his stomach flip-flop.

"Ah, here we go. Seifer, front and center!"

Fate was a sick son of a bitch.

It wasn't like he hated Seifer, nor, as far as he knew, did Seifer hate him. Somewhere in high school they'd grown out of that, even going so far as to being friends. Hayner had never quite forgiven him for bringing Seifer into the group like that, given that the two of them had the closest thing to a superhero/arch-nemesis relationship Roxas had ever seen. But the pair had learned to tolerate each other for the sake of their friends, at least for the last few years of school that they were forced to spend together.

When Seifer ambled up, Roxas watched the surprise burst on his face. However, true to form, he hid it immediately, greeting him, "Been a while, Roxas."

"Two years," Roxas agreed, accepting the extended hand.

Such an exchange brought another intrigued look, but Setzer merely commented, "I'll skip the introductions. Roxas wants to instruct in the club, and I want to see how he moves. Up for a quick match?"

Eying Roxas carefully, Seifer almost looked like he had a question, but he just shrugged and said, "Sure. It'd be good for the intermediates to see. Have them head over to the arena."

"This is what you do on leave?" Roxas asked as Setzer left.

With a not particularly malicious smirk, Seifer replied, "Listen, chicken-wuss, just because _you_ grew out of Struggle doesn't mean everyone does."

Roxas retorted, "Yeah, but I see you finally grew out of that beanie."

"Ha, kinda," Seifer replied as his students rapidly left the field, following them and adding, "A couple of the parents who saw it complained about the effect on their children, so it had to go. Not that it matters, they put their kids in public schools. A symbol on a beanie should be the least of their worries."

_Can't argue with that, _Roxas thought to himself, adding, "What happened to the Disciplinary Committee?"

"It... I guess the word is disbanded," Seifer explained, and Roxas could tell it was something of a sore subject. He didn't persist.

As they were about to enter the arena, Seifer paused and offered, "I'm gonna do you a favor."

"Throw the match?" Roxas asked jokingly.

Seifer rolled his eyes, because they both knew he wouldn't throw the match, and that Roxas wouldn't want him to. "Not on my life. I've got some advice, though."

Roxas was inclined to refuse it. He still wasn't sure how he felt about sparring against Seifer. Not because he didn't enjoy a Struggle match, or because he thought he would lose.

But Seifer was a Gummi pilot himself; and if Roxas did lose, it would be failing his qualifications all over again.

"It's been two years since we've talked," Seifer reminded, "And even longer than that since our last match. And even though I didn't grow out of Struggle, I grew out of my style. Understand?"

He did; _don't expect the same maneuvers_. It was basic advice that they all knew, but sometimes forgot with familiar opponents. "Right."

Setzer was carrying on about the exhibition as they took their places in the ring. Roxas started to recount what he knew about Seifer, what wouldn't have changed.

Their speed had always been pretty evenly matched, so he would have to keep on his toes. Seifer's reach was wider than Roxas's, so Roxas would have to be careful about keeping his distance, go in for a strike and then back out before Seifer could return the hit. Of course, he was pretty much blind in his right eye. Roxas would have to be careful of that side, it was guarded jealously.

"Almasy, ready?" Seifer nodded, eyes trained on Roxas.

Roxas didn't hear the corresponding prompt, but nodded that he was ready.

"Struggle!"

Without hesitation, Roxas rushed his opponent, knowing better than to think the tactic would catch him off guard. Seifer deflected him easily; but when he stepped back from the attack, Roxas knew there was a moment when he could shoulder-check him and possibly knock him off balance. Seifer's foot never lifted from the ground, so Roxas watched his hips to gauge his timing. When he saw his opportunity, he quickly jumped sideways, straight into Seifer's off shoulder. While he managed to get him to the ground, Seifer just used that momentum to roll backwards and back to his feet.

Roxas grinned. _So his defenses are as strong as ever. _

He watched the way Seifer took a familiar, if taunting, pose, one arm outstretched, holding the Struggle bat without much conviction. _What does he mean, grew out of his style, nothing's-_

Before he could complete the thought, Seifer took the time to rush _him_, turning and striking with a backhand motion at Roxas's ribs. Roxas just barely manage to block, locking them in place for a moment.

"C'mon, lamer, pay attention," Seifer jeered with a grin, his students riling behind him.

In response, Roxas brought his knee forcefully to Seifer's solar plexus; it wasn't much, but just enough to stun him and put some distance back between them.

Seifer almost seemed surprised at the attack (probably because it wasn't condoned in Struggle matches), but he didn't call Roxas on it. But Roxas could see a change in his eyes, something just a little different, and he was glad of it. Because it meant they weren't just Struggling; now, they were sparring according to KM Theater regulations. Back to basics.

When Roxas rushed him again, Seifer met him head on. Again, Roxas found himself blocking against a spinning strike, before pushing him away and trying to regain his footing. Another rush, another block and dodge. Turning back to find his opponent gesturing him forth with a sardonic grin. Roxas cut across the ring quickly, determined to end that look.

Seifer wasn't giving him that, however, rushing again, this time aiming for Roxas's face. He knew if it connected there'd be blood, and he'd be at a disadvantage. It was too late to block, _but if I..._

Roxas managed to tilt his head just enough to evade the hit, using the close quarters to swing at Seifer's abdomen. When he felt the return touch on his neck, he froze.

The crowds were silent, seeing them there: Seifer with his bat against Roxas's jugular, which would have been a fatal hit if they were blades, and Roxas prepared to open Seifer's stomach on the mat below them. An out-right draw, which almost never happened, not to Seifer (nor to Roxas). For a moment, they just stared each other down.

But Seifer, calming down and realizing how seriously he'd taken the the match, grinned again, moving his bat to Roxas's face, as if prepared to give him a matching scar.

"I still owe you for this, don't I?"

Rolling his eyes, Roxas mimicked the gesture, covering the mark and replying, "Consider it a gift. It adds character."

Both lowered their bats, and, in a display of enviable sportsmanship, shook hands. The club took this as a sign that no one was going to die, and alternated between relief and disappointment as they returned to the field to continue their training. Some of the advanced students brought water for the two blondes and began to discuss the various tactics employed.

One of them asked of Roxas, "But that move isn't Struggle sanctioned, you would have lost points for that in a real match."

"Yeah, well, we kinda moved on from Struggle at that point," Seifer explained. "Gummi pilots use Struggle as a training device, but it's just as important to know how to use your body as a weapon, too."

A carefully masked look of displeasure on his face, Seifer interjected as he approached, "But we Struggle here. And as you can't comply with regulations, I can't expect you to hold my students liable to it."

"Setzer, wait a minute-" Seifer tried to reason with him, but with a flick of his hand the man breezed by.

He added loftily, "Though I will say, it was an interesting match."

Roxas let out a frustrated sigh. _That's one venture down the drain._ Not that he really even wanted to teach Struggle, and certainly not to a pack of kids- but he needed a job.

"Damn," Seifer seemed just as miffed, and muttered, "Maybe Zell's right, I need to stop taking things so seriously."

With a shrug, Roxas replied, "Don't worry about it. Thanks for the match."

As he started off, he thought Seifer might let him go without asking the question that he so clearly wanted to ask. Because they both knew Roxas was supposed to have gone with his crew by now, should have been a month into his sixth deployment. They both knew that, since he was still there, something was wrong. But Seifer _had _to know better than to ask, Roxas thought.

"Roxas." _Maybe not_. When he turned back, Seifer continued, "How long are you grounded for?"

'Grounded', a phrase that meant a pilot was suspended. Roxas wished it was just that; he answered, "They, um... I'm not- I got papered."

'Papered', a phrase that meant a pilot wasn't a pilot anymore.

Seifer rubbed the back of his neck, murmuring again, "Damn..."

Roxas's eyes dropped; _Yeah. Pretty much._ He just turned and kept walking. Because he couldn't stay there, pretending he was okay, wishing he could go home to his ship.

Especially not with Seifer, who still would.

* * *

><p>He found himself driving without conviction through the city, having no idea where to continue looking for work. He was on the verge of breaking down and waiting tables. Much as he hated to admit it, Roxas knew from experience that he got really good tips between one and five a-m. Those were difficult times, he told himself; not that times were any easier now.<p>

A familiar vehicle caught his attention, followed by recognition of his location. Naminé was at the _Organization_. Roxas decided to pull over and stop in.

Not that he really knew why he thought it was a good idea.

Sitting at the front counter was Demyx, whose eyes lit up as Roxas walked in. "Hey, punk, what brings you back here?"

"Just passing by," Roxas answered lightly, "Saw Naminé's car. Thought I'd stop in."

With a wicked grin, Demyx asked, "Aw, you don't have to lie to me, Roxas. You missed me. You want me to pierce your-"

"Be careful, Dem," This as Axel walked in from the studio, "Naminé might not want to know what you're piercing on her older brother."

Roxas rolled his eyes as the older blonde answered, "Now, now, Axel, you haven't taught me how to pierce anything like _that_ yet."

"You'd probably miss and kill somebody," Axel retorted, adding to Roxas, "How's the industrial?"

It took a great deal of conscious effort to not touch the referenced piercing as Roxas answered, "Feels like someone punched a pair of holes in my ear."

Naminé had joined them at this point, and said teasingly, "Guess I should have warned you about Demyx, huh?"

"Roxas, help me out," Demyx pleaded, "Tell Naminé to let me give her an anti-eyebrow piercing."

He must have looked clueless, as Axel explained, "It's a surface piercing, with a straight bar under the skin. Hers would be just under her eye, on her cheekbone."

Blue eyes flicked over, asking Demyx, "Can you do that?"

"...Well, _I_ can't, no," Was the dubious response, followed quickly by, "But Axel can, and I wanna see so I can learn."

Shaking her head with a smile, Naminé reminded him, "Demyx, facial piercings aren't allowed in my classes, it'd be a waste of time just to take them out and have them heal over."

While she and Demyx continued to discuss this, Axel asked of Roxas, "How's life aside from your piercing?"

"It's..." Roxas considered this before continuing, "Frustrating. I can't seem to find a job without selling my soul."

Axel understood that (it was his main reason for becoming a tattoo artist). He asked softly, walking away from the now lively debate, "Where have you looked so far?"

Roxas followed him back to the studio as he answered, "The obvious places, like restaurants and stores. I talked about joining a Struggle club as an instructor, but half-way through the trial match we stopped Struggling and started just sparring, which isn't allowed, so that's out. I really don't want to work in a bar, but at this rate I might have to."

"You'll get eaten alive, all blonde and blue-eyes," Axel replied thoughtfully. Before Roxas could respond, he added, "We had a client in a bit ago looking for workers. Know anything about machines?"

It was a stupid question, he realized, when Roxas gave him a skeptical look; Gummi pilots were responsible for the care and upkeep of their ships, so Roxas would know the basics at the very least.

But Roxas didn't call him on his slip. He found himself, once again, sitting on the bench opposite Axel's computer, where the artist sat. "Yeah, I know a little bit. Is that his business?"

"Yeah, his shop does mechanical repairs and maintenance," Axel explain, rummaging around his desk, retrieving a business card. "Here we go. Name of the shop's _Lufaine_, let 'em know I sent you."

Roxas nodded, taking the card and turning it over in his hand a few times. Axel could see he was thinking about something, and he had a hunch it didn't really have anything to do with the slip of paper in his hands. In this way, the kid was easy to read, but Axel couldn't tell what he was thinking about, which was different for him. He could usually figure a person out pretty easily. Hell, he'd even figured Naminé out within an hour of meeting her. It was hard to believe that he was having so much trouble with this kid.

But Roxas was different, and he could see that. Older than himself, but younger at the same time. World-weary and callow and wise and inexperienced. Everything and nothing, all at the same time. Axel couldn't wrap his mind around the duality that he felt from Roxas. _Almost like, even though he's here, he doesn't really exist._ It was the strangest feeling.

"I want a back piece." Axel gave him a confused look, and Roxas reiterated, "My tattoo. I want it to cover my back."

"Oh. Oh, yeah," This with a sheepish grin, Axel replying, "Alright. Do you have any color or style preferences?"

He thought about it briefly before shaking his head. "Not really. Just nothing like... purple butterflies..."

"What? Aw, damn!" Axel gave his best exasperated face as he continued, "Now I have to scrap the whole concept! I can't work under these conditions!"

And Roxas laughed.

* * *

><p>The owner of <em>Lufaine<em> was not at all happy to be called into the office, covered in oil and grease, but when he saw Roxas, the obscenities stopped. There was something familiar in his face, Roxas thought, and it was more than the blonde hair and blue eyes that mimicked his own. He shook it off though as the older man resumed yelling, demanding a towel or some-damn-thing.

"Whaddaya want?" He asked finally, wiping most of the grime from his face.

Roxas answered carefully, "Heard you were looking for help."

"Yeah?" His voice was gruff, but not unfriendly, as he continued, "Where'd ya hear that?"

With a kind of resolve he hoped sounded like confidence, Roxas replied, "Down at the _Organization_. Tattoo artist."

"Axel?" Recognition, with a feral grin. The mechanic turned back to Roxas, adding, "Yeah, I guess I did tell him that. Got any experience? I don't care about schooling, did ya get your feet wet?"

That didn't surprise Roxas; he nodded and, with some hesitation, revealed, "Five years conscripted as a Gummi pilot."

Again the older man froze, giving Roxas a calculating stare, as if daring him to say such a thing again. Roxas realized that not everyone supported Gummi pilots, or the KM Theater, or what they stood for.

"Boss," A young girl pushed her way into the office, completely disregarding Roxas to explain, "The Red Queen Regiment is on the phone, the colonel wants to know about that um- the thing, with the-"

Rolling his eyes, he muttered, "Selphie, if you weren't so cute, I'd fire you." When she passed off the phone, he managed to answer it half-civilly, "Highwind... Yeah. Yeah, it- Yes, _ma'am_, I know you requested the parts in by Tuesday, but like we told you then, the only place we'd be able to get them from- Well yeah, you could fly on 'em, if you don't mind the early onset of death!"

_Highwind... _Roxas rolled the name around in his head, and by the time the call was ended (a phrase which here means the mechanic threw the phone at the wall), he'd drawn the connection.

"Can't believe this," He rubbed the back of his neck, asking, "Highwind? Cid Highwind? Designer of the first Gummi ships?"

Dipping his head in acknowledgment, Cid answered, "Yeah, that'd be me. Retired from the KM Theater just to get bullied by them in the private sector. Your name?"

"Roxas," He introduced himself, adding, "Cheshire Company, Route 1-13 with Mufasa's Brigade."

With a knowing grimace, Cid mused, "I hated that route. How long've you been running it?"

"Just got there two years ago," Roxas replied, "Until then I'd been running 5-17, they transferred me for my HDL Evaluation and never sent me back."

"Yeah, they're good at doing shit like that," Cid agreed, then asked thoughtfully, "How old are you, kid?"

_That never gets old,_ Roxas thought, answering nonetheless, "Twenty-three."

"Damn. Conscripted when you were seventeen?" When Roxas nodded, Cid pressed a bit further, "You home on leave?"

He should have walked out when he realized who Cid was; he wasn't ready to have this conversation. "No, I- I'm retired."

Cid caught the hesitation, giving him a curious, if skeptical, look. "You don't say? Not many pilots choose to quit. Especially not ones who joined at seventeen, they usually make a career of it."

"Yeah, well," Roxas replied before he could talk himself out of it, "I didn't choose to quit."

Dawning filter across the older man's face, but unlike Seifer and Axel, he didn't break eye contact, didn't give Roxas that _oh-shit-my-bad_ look. Which Roxas appreciated greatly. Getting it from Axel was one thing, he only understood the Theater from an outside stance. With Seifer, another pilot, it had been a stinging glance, a knowing that he could get retired just as easily.

But sympathy from Cid Highwind would have been too much.

"Yeah, well," He finally offered, opening the door that led to the rest of the shop, "They're good at doing shit like that, too. C'mon, I'll show ya around."

Against his better judgment, Roxas wondered, "You don't want to know why?"

"Nope."

That was all Cid had to say on the matter.

* * *

><p>I'm so excited about the number of people who've found their way here from <em>Sincerely, The Cassette Tape<em> xD You guys are the greatest. And to those who are new, thanks so much for showing up! Welcome to the show!

_On HDLs, C&D Drills, and the KM Theater: _Though I'm not yet sure what an HDL Evaluation entails, I can tell you it's named after Huey, Dewey, and Louie. C&D Drills are a reference to Chip and Dale- you know, the guys who taught you how to fly the Gummi Ship in Kingdom Hearts? You see what I did there?

_On the KM Theater, Red Queen Regiment, and others_: Little known fact, a Theater is a name for a military Unit. Anyway, while Gummi pilots are mostly not militant, I'm favoring that structure, because it works well for my purposes. Each of the units listed will feature a leader from the Disney-Verse, such as The Red Queen (Alice in Wonderland), Mufasa (The Lion King), and KM... Guess on that.

_On Seifer's beanie: _For those not in the know, the Kanji symbol on his hat was a distinctly masculine and sometimes vulgar way of referring to oneself. It's like introducing himself, "Hi, my name is Seifer, and I have man-parts. I will show you, if you like, because I like them very much." But that's for another chapter.


	3. de Rigueur

This is getting easier to write as I go along. I'm not sure if that means I'm actually getting into the rhythm of the story, or that I'm so far off-target that it seems easy. If anything jumps out at you for being weird or strange or just damn-right-not-right-man, let me know. I could be foggy.

**Warnings:** Roxas gets mopey when it rains. And there comes a point in this chapter where you will be inclined to ask me exactly what game I am playing. Just go with it.

* * *

><p>"<em>Heard you guys have been getting a lot of rain lately.<em>"

There must have been a law, somewhere, that said that weather was a safe conversation topic. Roxas knew Sora meant well; the brunette had always been a bit of a space-case to begin with, and given all that had happened, he'd almost expected this conversation to go as it was. Slowly, hesitating. One afraid of upsetting the other.

He answered, "Yeah, pretty steadily over the last few days. It let up for a while today, but it looks like it's gonna start up again soon. Not like winter in Destiny Islands, luckily."

"_What, it's actually falling straight down, not sideways?_" Sora teased, remembering their trips to his hometown. "_That's perfect swimming weather._"

Roxas rolled his eyes with a grin and replied, "Well, I'm not doing a whole lot of swimming, Sora."

"_So... what have you been doing?_" Sora asked gently,_ "How's the job hunting going?_"

He smiled at the nervous tone in his best friend's voice; happily, he answered, "Got one, actually. Couple of days ago in a shop that deals with Gummi ships."

It was so easy to reassure Sora. "_Wow, really? That's great!_"

"Yeah, it's something, alright," Roxas agreed.

Working for and with Cid had been an experience. Whereas Roxas was used to minor and simple jobs (he was a pilot, not a mechanic), ships that made their way to Cid's shop never needed simple repairs, or else their crew would have just taken care of them. In the few days that Roxas had worked at _Lufaine_, Roxas had found chipmunks in computers, ducks under a dashboard, and a suspicious glob of green goop that had fallen from a pipe and straight into his face. He was learning a great deal at this shop.

But he shook his head clear from these thoughts, asking, "How's Timeless River?"

"_Sunny as ever,_" Sora replied with an almost bored tone in his voice. "_They gotta make some headway with Deep Jungle, we need to get in as soon as possible._"

Roxas had to agree. Communication with Deep Jungle, a world that was as wild as its name suggested, had abruptly been cut off sometime the year before. There was suspicion that it had something to do with Atlantica, their neighbor, since they'd been having civil unrest for some time. Sora, as a Keyblader, had been in and out of the watery world for months, giving aid to those who needed it.

It was the perfect career for Sora, who was always ready to sacrifice himself for the sake of others. He was always so strong.

"_Right now, we're just trying to stockpile whatever supplies they think we'll need most,_" Sora continued, "_Going over some new ways to treat injuries and all that. You know, same old stuff._"

Swallowing against the knot in his chest, Roxas replied, "Right. I'm sure they'll get things sorted out before too much longer. King Mickey's good at negotiations."

"_That's why he's King Mickey,_" Sora agreed. There was some noise in the background, and he added, "_I gotta go, I'll call you later, alright?_"

With something of a forced smile, Roxas answered, "That's right, get back to saving the universe, Sora. Bye."

He laughed, a bright, cheerful, _Sora_ sound, and the brunette answered, "_Later!_"

"Sora?"

"_Yeah?_"

Roxas pressed his lips together nervously before asking, "Are you coming home soon?"

"_I... I'll try, Roxas, but you know how they are about taking leave here._"

"...Yeah. I know."

Sora added something else, and Roxas was sure he responded. The line was dead before he knew why, and he dropped his phone to the concrete below him.

Roxas glanced around him, sighing thoughtfully. Since coming back to Radiant Garden, the only place he felt like he could get a moment of peace was the roof of Naminé's building. Not that Naminé was often home, but it was still _her_ home. And Roxas just couldn't get comfortable there, no matter how he tried. Up here, alone with the sounds of the city below him, was the best he could do.

"I miss you, Sora."

Some part of him wouldn't tell Sora that, though he was sure his best friend could tell. But telling him would make Sora feel guilty, more guilty than Roxas was sure he already did.

And Roxas wouldn't do that to him.

* * *

><p>When he finally descended back to the apartment, he was surprised to find Axel and Naminé at the table, a wondrous array of tools spread out before them.<p>

"A beast of burden?" Naminé was asking skeptically, as she continued to sketch furiously.

Nodding, the elder answered, "She said that she wants to know there's someone by her side, no matter what, ready to help her carry on."

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds reasonable," Naminé answered, glancing at a list on the table before continuing, "But I mean, a badger?"

Preparing to shrug, Axel finally saw Roxas pausing in the doorway. Instantly he grinned, greeting him, "Hey, stranger. Get lost on your way home?"

"I, um... I was on the phone," Roxas answered, adding when he recovered, "What's going on?"

Naminé answered lightly, "Axel had a client with a request for a design. Axel drew some concepts for her, but she said she wanted something with a more traditional feel, so he brought them over."

"I don't normally," Axel interjected, as if understanding Roxas's surprise. "Most of the time, Naminé will come by the shop and talk with the client directly, but there's been some flooding over there."

_There's flooding everywhere,_ Roxas thought dryly, but just rubbed his eyes and murmured, "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."

"You didn't-" Naminé began, but Roxas was grabbing his keys and heading back out. "Roxas, what's wrong?"

He stopped, the pain at the base of his skull unbearable. He hated headaches, and he'd had one almost constantly since the rain had started. There was no stopping it, the way there was no stopping the tight ache in his joints, all of them, nor the dizziness that had him on the verge of physical illness almost daily. He would live with it.

Replying softly, with a smile he hoped would convince her, Roxas said, "Just gonna head to the library for a while. I wanna research something. I'll be back later."

"Oh... Okay."

He was gone before she could say anything else, and she tried to continue sketching. Axel could see it was gone from her, though, something that bothered him. He and Naminé had talked a little about Roxas before she'd started on the tattoo, and her description of him did not match that behavior at all. Hell, it didn't even match the behavior Axel had seen himself.

"Is he always like that?" Axel finally asked.

Naminé almost looked like she wasn't going to answer, but with a sigh she set aside her work. "Just since he got back. I think he- he's having a hard time, losing that part of him. He doesn't want to make me worry, though, and he doesn't really want to talk about it, so I don't know. But he's not the same."

Axel hated seeing that defeated look on her face. Having assumed she was an only child, he'd started to watch over Naminé when they'd met some years before.

The next course of action was clear; "I'm going to the library, I think."

"I- Okay?" Naminé was thoroughly confused by the sudden abandonment, until she realized what Axel was doing. "You don't have to-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know I don't. But I will." He carefully pressed a kiss to the top of her head, giving her his very most charming smile, adding, "Don't worry about it."

She managed a tired, genuine smile in response, asking, "This is just a con so I'll work on your tattoo, isn't it?"

"Well, of course!" This with a wink as he headed out, tossing over his shoulder, "I got bills to pay!"

* * *

><p>Roxas had just pushed the key into the ignition when the passenger door opened and Axel clamored in. The blonde didn't greet him, though, didn't question him; he just watched Axel adjust the seat for his long legs and click the seat belt into place. Then, with a satisfied sigh, Axel turned to him, flashing a taunting smirk.<p>

When Roxas just stared, Axel offered, "It works better if you turn the key."

"What the hell are you doing in my truck?" Roxas asked, though not with the malice he'd tried to impact.

Axel answered, as if stating the obvious, "Hitching a ride."

"...This is my truck, you know, right?" Roxas asked, and when Axel nodded, he continued, "Then take your own vehicle."

Helping himself, Axel took hold of the key, explaining as he turned it, "I could, but it's better for the environment if I share a vehicle with you."

The truck, however, had other plans, and refused to start. Axel simply stared at the steering column, confused, as Roxas rubbed his eyes.

"I think your truck is sick," He finally deduced, turning to Roxas.

Finally, Roxas gave him a real smile. "Yeah, it... I need a new computer for it. But almost no one carries them, since it's such an old model. I found one in Port Royal, I just have to get it."

"That's a long trip to make with a truck that won't start," Axel observed, following Roxas's cue as he climbed out of the truck.

Not one to argue the truth, Roxas answered, "And that's why I don't have it."

For a moment they just stood there, Roxas leaning across the hood, Axel against the cab. He could see it, now that Roxas wasn't as guarded as he was around his sister; he looked like a kicked dog, like something had happened to add insult to injury. As far as Axel knew (and Cid had called to let him know), Roxas was excelling at work, so it couldn't have been that.

Rain began to bounce off the windshield; without thinking about it, Roxas glanced up to the sky, instantly getting hit in the eye by a raindrop.

Cussing and rubbing the offense away, he almost didn't hear Axel chiding, "You can't tell me you don't know better than that."

"Yeah, I do," Roxas agreed, adding when his vision cleared, "It was just instinct, I guess."

Axel rolled his eyes and started to walk away. He stopped when Roxas didn't follow, and called to him, "Are you coming?"

"Where?" Was the suspicious reply.

He received a chuckle and teasing, "To the library? Jeez, kid, what do you think I am, a creep with a fetish for little boys?"

Roxas chose not to answer.

* * *

><p>They were stuck in traffic not but ten minutes later, bumper to bumper in the pouring-down rain. Apparently the bridge ahead was completely covered with water, blocking them from advancing, and the crowds behind prevented their retreat and, in theory, re-routing to the library.<p>

"Well, we're not going anywhere fast," Axel decided, changing to neutral and pulling his foot off the brake.

Roxas just gave him an oh-well shrug, responding quietly, "Didn't really want to go, anyway."

"Then what's up?" Blue eyes found green, and Axel explained, "Naminé's really worried about you, kid."

_Of course she is,_ Roxas thought with a sigh, turning away. "It's nothing."

"Not to her, it isn't," Axel argued, trying to not sound as condescending as he felt.

Roxas resisted the urge to reply _Well, it is_. For some reason this redhead was getting under his skin, and it bothered him how easily he had done so.

Finally, he answered, "I'll be fine."

"Look at me when I say this, Roxas."

Which instantly grabbed his attention, especially when Roxas realized Axel had only used his name when introducing him to Xigbar. So he returned his gaze to Axel's. For a moment, he almost looked like someone else, someone wiser, who didn't invite themselves along on adventures or threaten to tie up their best friend.

After holding that stare, Axel remarked softly, "Your life isn't just about you. So don't feel like you have to do it alone."

In front of him, traffic was finally beginning to move; Axel returned his focus to driving.

It took Roxas a while to respond, "My best friend is a Keyblader."

"Yeah?" Axel coaxed, voice soft and tender.

Nodding, Roxas continued, "When I was on leave after my first year, he told me that he was going to Timeless River. He'd gotten a message inviting him to their program."

"That's a tough program," Axel mused, carefully adding, "The spots are passed down individually, right? He would have been hand-picked by one of the Masters."

With a soft smile, Roxas agreed, "Yeah. Everyone was so proud of him. But I... when I was getting ready for my first deployment, I kept telling him that I was scared to leave. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to be a pilot, it was the only thing I'd ever wanted to be. But I was scared that, once I left, people would stop needing me. That Sora wouldn't need me. That we'd change."

"People change, kid, but that doesn't mean they don't need you," Axel murmured as traffic again came to a stop.

Roxas knew this was true and reasonable. He explained, "Things were weird with us, though. I didn't meet him until my second year in high school, but it was like we'd known each other all our lives. I'd be at his house until three in the morning, even when his mom had grounded him. People just knew better than to try to keep us from each other. It was almost unhealthy."

"Someday, I'll tell you what unhealthy is," Axel answered, something wry and bittersweet in his voice. But it was gone when he continued, "Needing someone like that doesn't just stop."

Fingers tugging at his hair, trying to relieve his headache, Roxas said, "I didn't think it would. I mean... For as much as he needed me, I needed Sora more than I knew what to do with. I always knew that, no matter where I was, if Sora called, I'd come home to him. But now, he was leaving and going out into worlds where I couldn't be there for him, couldn't protect him..."

"Not even when you were still a Gummi Pilot?" Came the hesitating question.

A part of Roxas was glad that Axel was brave enough to ask. He replied, "No. Most of the time, when Keybladers are first sent to a world, the leaders there aren't yet willing to let visitors in. There was always a chance that my ship could have been commissioned to stop there to drop off supplies, but even then, we weren't often let off-ship."

"I haven't seen him since," Roxas added after a moment. "It's been four years. My leave never match up with his, and now, with everything going on in Deep Jungle and Atlantica, they're keeping all the Keybladers on call until they're actually allowed on-world. They already told Sora he was going to be one of the first to go."

Quietly, Axel presented, "They take care of their own, kid. He'll be okay."

"Unless he isn't," Roxas replied, almost sarcastically, giving Axel a half-smirk. But he sobered quickly, explaining, "That was my phone call. Finding out he was waiting to be sent to a world that's closed down for reasons unknown, where he could be killed, and there's nothing I can do to help or stop him."

He was still futilely attempting to end his headache, hating it more and more. He was glad he wasn't driving, he was sure he'd be stuck on the side of the road by now.

"What's wrong?"

Roxas was half-way to asking _Didn't I just explain all that_, when he realized Axel could see what he was doing. "Nothing, just headaches from the weather."

"Don't like rain?" Axel asked, his voice half-joking.

With a small chuckle, Roxas explained, "Well, no, but it's the air pressure that does this to me. Comes from being off-world so much."

"Jeez, there's just no pleasing you, is there?" Axel taunted lightly.

Roxas finally gave up his attempt to pull the pain out, rubbing his eyes, which were beginning to ache from the light. Within minutes, he was sure he was going to be in a full-blown migraine. He flinched from the sudden heat on the back of his neck, but without too much effort he managed to realize it was Axel's hand.

"Kid, you need to stop being so jumpy," The redhead chided, a warm chuckle as he added, "You'll never enjoy getting a tattoo if you feel like I'm molesting you. Lean forward."

Against his better judgment, Roxas unfastened his seat belt and leaned forward, resting his arms on the dashboard. He felt Axel's fingers pressing firmly into his neck, knowing how to find the pain, tightening over it. His hands were beyond warm, they were hot, hotter than any hand had a right to be. But that heat, that pressure, was just what he needed. Axel pushed through what felt like a solid knot of tense muscles, allowing blood to flow normally, for Roxas to relax long enough for the pain to diminish.

It was still there, though, and he knew it wasn't going anywhere, not really. But even the slightest of relief felt amazing.

"Do you take hot showers?"

He considered this at length before answering, "Moderately warm, I guess."

"When you get home," Axel instructed, his hand retreating for a moment to finally turn around, "Take a hot shower. Just stand there for a while under the water."

Roxas couldn't make himself sit up. "Think it'll help?"

"Can't hurt," Was the easy response. Once they were moving along on a mostly-straight path, Axel returned to his ministrations. "You're no use to anyone like this."

There was no stopping the small scoff and almost tender, "Can't say I'm much use to anyone anyway, these days."

* * *

><p>Did Axel really just kiss Naminé?<p>

Yes. Yes, he did.

What's worse, that's not the only time I'm going to mess with your heads. I'm such a mean author, sometimes. Mostly, though, the things I do are attempts to keep myself from writing _Sincerely, The Cassette Tape_ all over again. That's my biggest fear right now, because I'd feel so silly about it. But anyway, I think I'm okay so far. At this point, we've mostly covered all the new concepts as far as Gummi pilots are concerned, but if things are still a bit fuzzy for you, feel free to review with questions or comments.

_On Keybladers_: Keybladers are something of ambassadors. There are times when worlds stop communicating with the rest of the 'verse, much the way countries in our world do from time to time. Keybladers are usually the first to go in, to offer medical aid, help fill staff spots in schools and such, as well as to hopefully coax the world's leader back into compliance.


	4. Fortiori

So, I was awake yesterday morning at 2-am and I realized... "Dude, it's the day before you're posting this and all you've got is a Demyx Time reference. GETCHER ASS IN GEER!" And then, like a BAMF, I killed myself to get the rest of this written. You're welcome.

**Warnings**: Axel's a creep with brains. And yeah. I mess with your brains. Mwahaha. CHALLENGE ISSUED AT CONCLUSION!

* * *

><p>"C'mon, Roxas, you can't mope around forever!"<p>

He begged to differ.

The rain had been done for a few days, thankfully, but Roxas wasn't sure it was going to last much longer. The clouds were still dark and heavy, waiting for him, watching him, reminding him _Your truck's a piece of shit and when it breaks down on the side of the road we're gonna flood the place and make it a boat._ Which was probably true, he admitted; that truck was on its last leg.

Regardless of the condition of his vehicle, Roxas still wasn't sure he wanted to follow his sister out into the world, knowing what was waiting for them.

But she was giving him that look, the one she used when she didn't know what else to do.

So they made the trip to Land of Dragons, the best place for Chinese food in all of Radiant Garden. There, waiting for them, was their usual group: Hayner, Pence and Olette, whom Roxas had known since they started preschool, Kairi, one of Sora's oldest and closest friends, along with Riku.

And Riku.

"Finally!" Was his greeting, slinging an arm around Roxas's shoulders. "We were starting to think you didn't like us anymore."

Which was a stupid thing for them to think, Roxas decided with a carefully constructed grin, "Oh, so showing up means I do? Where'd you get that idea?"

"Aw, c'mon, you know you love me," Riku answered, pulling them blonde into a tight hug before letting him be mobbed by the others.

He had to admit, despite the crushing hugs and sarcastic remarks, it was good to see them all again.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, across the restaurant, a certain blonde-and-redhead duo were watching the whole exchange.<p>

Demyx with complete and unmasked amusement, Axel a bit more sheepishly.

"There's nothing creepy about eating at the same Chinese place as a client," Demyx continued to explain to him.

Which was true, Axel conceded, "But watching him without him being aware isn't especially wholesome!"

"Call it observing him in his natural habitat," Demyx reasoned, a sly smirk on his face as he continued to devour his _b__ao._

Axel shot him scolding look, but returned his stare to Roxas without realizing. Because Demyx was right; he was seeing a different Roxas across the room. One who smiled easily, joked and laughed and didn't guard himself from the world. Sure, Axel had seen the smiles and heard the laughs; but not like _that._

He found himself thinking, _Maybe seeing him like that is a privilege, reserved for those he trusts. Maybe I'll get to see him that way someday._

Demyx, by this point, had been watching Axel intently, and called softly, "Axel."

By the way it took him a moment to respond, and even then only with a small sound in the back of his throat, Demyx knew his first instinct was right. "I can't believe it! You've got a thing for him!"

"Wha- No, I don't!" Axel instantly snapped his eyes away, as if to prove it. "Why would you even think that?"

Giving him a wicked grin, Demyx answered, "You do! Man, oh, man, you've got it bad!"

"Shut up!" Axel shoved him, instantly glancing back over to Roxas, as if they might draw his attention. "You're like a four-year old!"

With a laugh, the other replied, "Only your most favorite four-year old in the world."

Shaking his head, Axel muttered, "Well, be quiet about it."

"Fine, fine," Demyx conceded, and added in a more subdued tone, "I'm serious, though. There's something going on in the back of your mind about him. I can see it."

Axel tried to decode that, but all he could manage was, "Check out the way he's acting right now. With that kid next to him, the silver hair?"

"...Yeah, what about him?" Demyx asked, forgiving the subject change.

But he could see it too, when he looked. An almost ache in his eyes, a tender smile. Different from the way he responded to the rest of the group. Like that person was more than the others, without Roxas wanting him or anyone else to know he was more. Demyx had seen that conflict before- wanting to speak, but afraid to- and it didn't surprise him that Axel had noticed it.

Though, glancing back to Axel, he knew the redhead didn't understand it.

Sure enough, he asked, "What do you think that's about? I mean, it's only a slight difference, but there's something that keeps his attention."

"You know, it's funny," Demyx decided to suggest, "That the look Roxas is giving him is the same look you're giving Roxas."

Axel wasn't an easy person to understand, but Demyx had practice; he watch his breath hitch, just for a moment, then Axel sighed as he turned back to Demyx, murmuring almost patiently, "Dem, he's like... he looks like he's fifteen, I couldn't... and Naminé would... he's her brother, I mean..."

"Those all sound like very convincing and articulate excuses," Was the sardonic response, followed by, "It's such a shame I don't believe them for a second."

Green eyes had resumed their observations, Axel answering quietly, "Yeah, well, it's true. Whatever you think is going on, it isn't."

"Axel-"

Thankfully, Demyx's phone jumped on the table, exclaiming, "_FASTER FASTER FAST IT GOES! PLAYING THE SITAR WITH MY TOES!_" Demyx glanced at him, sheepishly; but Axel knew the ring-tone and waved him off. So the blonde answered the call with that stupid, love-struck look and smile. Axel wanted to envy that, but he just grinned and was glad his best friend had it.

"Hey, Zex." His voice was soft and tender, then puzzled, as he continued, "It's not my... You- WHAT? REALLY?" He was falling all over himself to tell Axel, "He just scored tickets to a Lenne concert!"

Axel would never know how or why Demyx was so infatuated with the performer, but he tolerated it; Demyx returned to his call, asking, "When is it?... Wait, tonight?... IN AN HOUR?"

Instant regret flashed over his face, and for some reason it made Axel smile more softly. Silly as it was, this was their thing- Tuesdays at Land of Dragons- and Demyx was about to tell the love of his life that he wasn't going to be able to go to a concert by his favorite artist of all time because he was eating _bao_. But Axel would give him a way out.

So he smacked him soundly on the shoulder. When Demyx turned and gave him a _what-the-fuck_ look, Axel responded with his _are-you-stupid-get-going_ look that Demyx knew perfectly.

Demyx's eyebrows were up: _You sure? _Axel just shoved him from the booth. _Get your ass in gear!_

With a grateful grin, Demyx quickly caught him in a hug (that was more like a headlock), before rushing out and explaining himself to Zexion. Watching him go, Axel realized he did envy what Demyx had, but not the way he once worried he might. Not because he wanted someone like Zexion, someone who pulled strings and asked favors to get tickets to a concert he didn't want to go to (Zexion hated crowds and screaming people, everyone knew it), but knew Demyx would love to go, and that was more than enough reason to take him.

Axel knew that he wasn't jealous that Demyx had Zexion.

He was, in a way, jealous that Zexion had Demyx.

Jealous that there was someone who made Zexion want to be more, someone to make him prove that he was.

Glancing across the restaurant, to where Roxas and Naminé and their friends were sitting, he wondered if that was why Roxas had been a pilot.

If he was trying to show someone, maybe the kid with silver hair, that he was more than what the statistics said he was going to be.

He shook his head clear; _Getting too cryptic here._ With one last, quick glance to the group across the room, he decided to head out. There was work to be done.

* * *

><p>"You need to stop ordering prostitutes at work."<p>

Axel didn't even bother to roll his eyes, or even avert his gaze as he responded, "Larxene, I do not order prostitutes, especially not at work. Marly does."

"Well, I don't know what else you'd want to call him," She responded, "But he's asking for you, so I'm sending him back."

For a moment, Axel considered the idea that Demyx had sent over a red-light district gift, which wouldn't be unheard of. But, thankfully, none other than Roxas walked in.

He seemed almost amused by Larxene's introduction. "Do you often have prostitutes asking for you at work?"

"Sometimes Demyx will recommend me to someone and give them instructions to say they are," Axel answered with a grin, setting down his tools, "But it's been a while. What brings you in?"

Roxas gave him a small smile, which Axel almost liked, as he replied, "Well, you know, there was this creep with a fetish for little boys watching me eat Chinese today, kinda reminded me of you."

At first, Axel just stared at him. Then, sheepishly shaking his head, he explained, "Demyx and I always go there on Tuesdays. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"Don't worry about it," Roxas replied, sitting carefully on the table opposite Axel's workspace. "I just kinda wanted to stop by and... What's that?"

Following his intrigued look, Axel realized he'd left his current project up on his computer screen.

"Oh, that, it's just- you know, work."

Roxas scrutinized it for a while, asking when he decided he liked it, "Who's it for? Anyone I know?"

"Demyx, actually." When Roxas shot him a skeptical look, Axel admitted with a grin, "Someday. Maybe, I mean, if he asks for it."

With something of a teasing smirk, Roxas inferred, "So you're designing him a tattoo without him asking you to, on the off chance that he gets the balls to do it?"

"...Yeah, okay, well, that makes me sound like a lunatic," Axel answered, rubbing the back of his neck. "But I just... I dunno, I keep thinking he might want one someday. And if he does, I hope he'll come to me for it, and if he does, I want to be able to tell him that I've put a lot into his design. I mean, I always do, but with him, I want him to know I didn't just spend a few days thinking about it."

Roxas nodded, understanding that. Reaching out to trace the lines of the tattoo design, he asked, "Where's it going?"

"It's a chest piece," Axel explained. "It'll cover his pecs, wrap over his shoulders, and down his biceps."

_Those are pretty painful places for tattoos,_ Roxas mused. "What's the story?"

"His music. Every song he's written is there, in one form or another," Axel smiled softly, adding, "I'm thinking about calling it _Melodious Nocturne._"

"You name all your designs?" Roxas asked with a warm, sardonic tone.

Axel just flashed him a grin and answered, "When I finish them, yeah. I'm not done with this one yet."

Roxas could see the name working for it, though. And the more he looked at the tattoo, the more he could imagine it belong to Demyx. "So how long have you been working on it?"

"Um... nine years?"

The blonde turned to give him an incredulous stare. "Nine years?"

"Since the first day we met, yeah," Axel replied. While Roxas tried to process this, Axel changed the subject; "My turn now. Who were you eating with today?"

Roxas just sort of shrugged and answered, "People I grew up with. Naminé, of course. Hayner was the blonde in green, Pence in the jersey, the brunette is Olette, and Kairi was the redhead."

"What about the other guy?" He saw the change in Roxas's face, and knew he didn't have to elaborate.

Still, it took him a while to actually answer. Then, with a false nonchalance in his voice, he replied, "Riku."

"So who is he?"

Which earned him a look, as if to say, _If you're asking, you already know._ But he explained, "Riku was Sora's best friend, growing up. When I was- adopted by Sora, I guess, Riku and I got pretty close. See, Riku was pretty much in love with Kairi from the first time they met, and she kept telling him that he needed to work on himself before that could work."

"What does that even mean?" Axel asked quietly.

Roxas shrugged and said, "I dunno, I guess she thought there was something in him that wasn't good. And I mean, yeah, he did a lot of things that he shouldn't have, but nobody got hurt... And he tried to be better. When Kairi told him that, he started changing everything about himself. They were all good changes, though, so really, I can't complain. But then she said that she didn't want to be with him."

_Of course not._ Axel supplied, "Even though he was a better person, she couldn't get over who he was?"

"Yeah." Roxas pressed his lips together, adding, "And you know, it killed him. She did that back and forth for two years, and it killed him. I don't know how many times he called at two in the morning, half-drunk and crying. Walking to his house at midnight. Patching him up when he sliced up his body... Anyway. I managed to keep him alive, and he's better now."

Axel tilted his head a little bit, having two questions, asking first, "How's he better?"

"Kairi moved away for a year," Roxas answered, and with some terseness in his voice continued, "While she was gone, he started dating Olette, and well, they're mostly happy."

It was written all over his face, how much that thought was killing him. And suddenly, Axel understood the way he was acting at Land of Dragons. Roxas had a secret, and he was so sure every movement was betraying it, but he was unable to stop himself. Because he didn't want to have that secret anymore. And suddenly, Axel understood.

"Does he know?"

"Know what?"

"That you're in love with him."

He saw the color simultaneously drain and rise in Roxas's face; like he was terrified of Axel knowing, and embarrassed that he knew so easily. He turned, giving the redhead a sideways glance as if to contest it, but all he managed was a breathy, mirthless chuckle as he shook his head. Then, more self-consciously, he cleared his throat.

Taking a soft, deep breath, he affirmed, "Yeah. I told him, once. Told him seriously, once, I guess, I say it all the time. It was before I conscripted with the KM Theater. He called and was completely beside himself with- I don't even know what to call it. But he said he just wanted to die, and he said he just might... So I told him. I didn't know what else to do. It got him through the night."

"So even though he knows that," Axel asked, cut off by Roxas nodding with a wry smirk.

"Even though he knows how much it hurts," Roxas agreed, "He still came to me for that two years, asking me to tell him it'd be okay, that she'd come around, that he'd be fine if she didn't. And I did it, because I loved him, and that was the only way I could show him that I loved him. So I did it. And if he ever needs me to again, I will."

Axel had no response. Roxas had a small smile on his face, but it was sad. And it bothered him, like a splinter in his palm, but he wasn't sure why.

"My turn again," Came a suddenly optimistic tone, and Roxas demanded, "Tell me something I don't know."

"Ha, fine, let me think," Axel answered, willing to play this game. He decided, "I have a bachelor's degree in psychology, a degree in criminal law, and I'm working on my master's in interglobal law."

Roxas just stared at him, managing after a moment, "You're a lawyer?"

"Not yet." When he continued to stare, Axel explained, "I'm getting there, just gotta finish up some classwork."

Flabbergasted, Roxas asked, "But how? I mean... How old ARE you, to have two and a half degrees?"

Axel laughed sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. "I'm twenty-eight. I finished high school at sixteen, started taking correspondence courses the next fall for my bachelor's, and have just kinda stuck with that. Kinda hard to get into the universities around here, they frown on... well, me."

This with a gesture to his tattooed face, before continuing, "I consult with some of the firms downtown, usually with juvenile cases that they think are hopeless. Hopefully I'll have enough of a reputation to slip in with one after I get licensed, one's been basically giving me cases for the last couple of years. But it's still kind of up in the air."

"What are you doing here?" Roxas asked incredulously, looking around the shop, as if there was a fence holding Axel there.

Axel answered Roxas lightly, "Just got some stuff to take care of. Besides, I like it here."

It wasn't a lie, not really. Axel loved his shop. Because he was here, he'd met Demyx. Made a living, paid the bills. It made his life livable.

But there was something holding him there.

* * *

><p>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND SCENE!<p>

Yes, cliffhanger, I know. But that's the way the cookie crumbles. Anyway. I would like to request any of you who are artists to show me Demyx's tattoo.

_On Practicing Law:_ Yes, Axel's a lawyer. Anyway. In order to practice law in this universe, much in the ways required in my country, you have to have a four-year degree, then a specialized degree involving lawyering (is that a word?). You are able, at that point, to practice law, though it looks better if you continue your education. Axel has chosen that route because, as a delinquent, likes to make his life difficult. Mwahaha.


	5. Adjourn

**Warnings**: Um... Axel and Roxas get slippery all over each other. Mwahaha. Yes.

* * *

><p>More rain. Fantastic.<p>

Admittedly, it wasn't as bad as it had been; Axel was glad of that, if nothing else. There was no longer danger of flooding, except in areas that normally had the problem. The rain was inconstant, but still more than a slight nuisance. Things had been slow at the _Organization_, as was common when it rained, and his usual distraction was off... well, distracting Zexion.

Which gave Axel time to work on the tattoo design for his best friend. He liked the symmetry of the piece, how each side of Demyx's chest would mirror the other. He had birds flying away from the center, looking more like water creatures than what they were; fireworks bursting over his shoulders, turning into rain that ran in rivulets down the blonde's forearm. Axel was having a hard time working in the lyrics (it threw off the symmetry!), but he was mostly proud of it, and it was growing on him a little more every day.

He sighed, setting the pen and tablet down to rub his hands together. He'd been working at this for too long, he thought wryly. _Time for a break_.

One of the worst parts of rainy weather was the mugginess it brought. The glass front of the shop was fogged up, and with the rain outside the world had taken an ominous blurry look. Axel tried to see the shops he knew were on the other side of the street, but all he could make out were the streetlights in front of them. He just shook his head and walked towards the front desk.

There were no new emails for the shop, no missed calls or messages. He decided to brave the storm to check the mail, though he doubted it was even delivered.

However, he had no sooner began his trek to the door than it opened, revealing what he thought at first was a soaked paper bag.

Until blue eyes found his.

"I don't know how to tell you this," Axel managed after a moment with a small smirk, "But it's raining outside."

Roxas agreed with something that might have been a laugh, "Yeah, I noticed."

He tried to walk towards the desk and Axel, but started to crumble almost instantly. Axel rushed forward, catching him by the elbow in time to stop his crash; he'd gotten too close to the pool of water, though, and found his feet deserting their post under him. Roxas tried to keep his stance, having been just saved, but lost it and toppled over onto the redhead.

Axel found this all incredibly amusing, once he figured out what had happened. "Well, jeez, Rox, if you wanted to cuddle-"

"I swear to God I'll kill you if you finish that statement." Roxas threatened, his voice holding the threat loosely.

But he didn't seem to be trying to move, and before long Axel realized how much he was shivering. Quickly, he asked, "How long were you out there?"

"Huh? Oh, I don't know," Roxas muttered, suggesting, "An hour or so? Hour and a half?"

Axel rolled his eyes, untangling himself from the puddle of blonde and scolding, "Kid, you're gonna get hypothermia. C'mon, let's get you dried out."

Once again, more carefully this time, Axel pulled him up, half-carrying him back to his section. _One the one hand,_ he thought to himself, Roxas was getting a lot of opportunity to get used to the space. Made things go more smoothly when they actually got into the tattooing process. _If he lives that long._ Because he looked half-fevered, exhausted, and ready to fall off the table any moment.

"Stay here and get out of those clothes." Roxas's eyes cleared immediately, and Axel just chuckled and explained, "Relax, kid, I'm not asking you to strip."

With that he walked back out, leaving his client to wonder just what he was asking him to do. Luckily for Roxas, due to several requests of Larxene's clientele, the _Organization_ now kept a small stock of thick robes in store. Axel grabbed one from the closet, started a pot of coffee on his way back, and, with more courtesy than he usually had, knocked before opening his door enough to hand it through.

At first Roxas didn't answer, and Axel worried that he had passed out; but then he felt the material being pulled from his hands, and a soft, "Thanks."

"What were you doing in the rain for two hours?"

"I didn't say two hours," Roxas answered, asking almost shyly, "You wouldn't happen to have a dryer out there, would you?"

Axel couldn't help the grin that slid on his face as he replied, "Well, no. But I've got coffee."

He heard a quick sigh, and the door opened the rest of the way. Roxas stepped out, looking as ridiculous as most people did in the black terrycloth bathrobe; the combination of an adorable scowl on his face and the water sliding from his hair to his eyes just made him look... _Fuck, I can't even come up with a word to describe that,_ Axel realized, laughing softly.

"Not a fucking word," Roxas warned.

Conceding to this, Axel asked, "Where are your clothes, we'll hang 'em up or something to dry a little."

Roxas relinquished his belongings, and watched somewhat sheepishly as Axel proceeded to tie a line from his door to that of another office. It felt strange that Axel was taking care of him like this; not so much that Roxas was all but naked under this robe, but that the redhead was going to be handling Roxas's laundry. He wasn't sure why that irked him, but it did.

But Axel didn't make any sort of fuss over it, draping the clothes over the line quickly and turning back to Roxas with a good-humored smile.

"So, coffee?"

Roxas nodded gratefully, following Axel into a room with a sign that read "The Throne Room". Despite the ominous name, it was more or less a break room, with mismated furniture scattered around the basics of a bachelor's living room. The machine had just finished, and Axel softly asked how Roxas liked his coffee. Roxas answered without much thought, turning to take a seat.

Axel made coffee for the two of them, watching the way Roxas walked over to the couch; he almost looked like he was limping, which concerned Axel a great deal. The roads were slippery, and he had heard of quite a few accidents just that day. But there hadn't been any blood on Roxas's clothing, so Axel was mostly sure it hadn't been that.

He settled himself on the couch next to Roxas, handing him his drink. "So what happened?"

"When?" Roxas asked quietly, taking a sip.

Axel resisted the urge to roll his eyes, smiling in spite of himself, "Why were you out in the rain?"

"Yeah. My truck finally quit on me," Roxas explained as a chill slid down his back, adding, "And my cell can't get service in these storms. It was either wait it out and hope the clouds cleared, or walk. I thought about just walking back to the apartment, but this was closer, I just... I figured you'd be here."

Nodding, Axel admitted, "I usually am."

Roxas gave him a smile in return, taking another drink. As he shifted forward to rest his elbows on his knees, a grimace of pain shot over his features, and for a moment he froze. He recovered quickly ad tried to smooth over the reaction before Axel noticed; but of course, by the look on his face, it was too late, and he sighed softly.

"Go ahead. Ask."

"What hurts?"

_Not how most people put it_, Roxas thought as he answered, "My joints. It's the muscles that make them flex, they're tight."

Axel managed to not turn that into the immature joke he was sure he was going to, asking, "Have they always been like that?"

"It's genetic," Roxas agreed, adding, "My mother had the same problem, and so does Naminé. It's not as bad with them, though. Mine started acting up really bad during my first year of Gummi training, could barely walk for a bit. I got referred to a doctor, she was a real nutcase. Grounded me for weeks to run tests. Bone scans, blood analysis, sleep studies, you name it. She finally started me on Elixirs-"

This sent off red flags in Axel's head. "For hip pain?"

Roxas nodded with a sarcastic grin in the other's direction. "Yeah, go figure. Come to find out, the KM Theater has this habit of giving their conscripted pilots highly addictive substances like that. It was supposed to be just to help me sleep at first, the pain was getting so bad that lying down didn't even help. But instead of sleeping, I just... well, if you've ever heard stories about what Elixirs do to people, you can guess what I was like. Took me three days to get over that first dose. My supervisor, Terra, he told me I wasn't taking them anymore. So I didn't."

"Bet your Doc Wacko didn't take that well?" Axel asked.

With a shrug, Roxas answered, "I didn't go back to her. Terra put in a request to have me put in physical therapy instead. Took that guy about ten minutes to figure out the problem. He said that there wasn't much we could really do, besides some specific stretches he showed me. They helped, but it's the same thing as the headaches. The atmospheric pressure brings it back out."

An attempt at levity, Axel mused, "Damn, kid, you're just falling apart all over the place, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Roxas replied with a chuckle, "Yeah, I'm all kinds of messed up. None of it's fatal, though, at least not yet. I've got to live with it. The physical therapist, he called it a stress injury; the training had aggravated the muscles and they had started locking up. It wasn't enough for them to rescind my qualifications that time, thankfully, and they probably wouldn't have anyway."

Axel wasn't sure he understood this, asking, "Why not?"

"It would have been their fault," Roxas explained, adding, "Not that it would've mattered, I mean, I was just a pilot. But that looks bad on them, firing someone for getting hurt. I kinda wish that was why."

_Don't ask_. Roxas realized he'd left that door open, giving Axel the opportunity to ask why he'd been retired. _Don't ask._ He still wasn't ready for this conversation. _Don't ask._

_Don't ask. Please._

"I was thinking stained glass."

Roxas glanced at him, and the redhead elaborated, "Have you ever been to _Notre Dame_?"

"Once, for a delivery." Roxas continued softly, "But we had to get over to _Enchanted Dominion_, there wasn't time to go on-world."

Axel shook his head and chided, "Man, you missed out. There's this stained-glass window in the cathedral, it's called the Rose Window, it's amazing. I think stained glass is a good style for your piece."

"Why?"

Giving him another small grin, Axel answered, "You'd have to see it to understand."

Roxas stared at him for a moment, then just shook his head with a breathy chuckle. "I'll take your word for it."

"Damn right you will," Axel agreed before asking, "So, are you in danger of losing any limbs to frostbite?"

"Nah, doesn't look like it," Roxas murmured, "But I don't know if my truck's gonna start after all this."

In all honesty, Axel had been surprised that it started before all of this. But he didn't say this, asking instead, "Well, where'd you leave it?"

"Up the road a bit, not far from the Southern Campus for the university." Roxas winced again and questioned, "You wouldn't have any kind of drugs, would you?"

Axel couldn't stop himself from laughing as he replied, "Yeah, I might have something, hold on."

"Take your time."

While he made his way back to his office, Axel pulled out his phone, surprised to see it still had service. He quickly flipped through the contacts, finding the number he needed without too much difficulty. The phone dialed almost slowly, the tone bored before it was answered.

"_What's up?_"

Axel answered, "Not much, Rude, you?"

"_Hey, it's been a while. Nah, not much going on here either. The usual suits in and out of the building all day._"

Which wasn't an unexpected sort of day for Rude, who managed security at one of the larger precincts in the city. "Got time to help me out real quick?"

"_Depends. What's in it for me?_" This with dry sarcasm as he said something over his shoulder that sounded like 'leaving, stay'.

Quickly, Axel explained the situation, adding when prompted the approximate location of Roxas's truck as he started rummaging around in his cabinets for some sort of pain killer. When Rude agreed to drop the vehicle over at Cid's, Axel made sure to promise him a discount on his next piece before hanging up.

Finally he returned to his patient with his findings. "It's not Elixir, but it'll help for a while."

Roxas accepted it gratefully, reading the bottle before committing to taking a drink. "Hi-Potion, not to exceed four doses in twenty-four... Fuck it."

Axel watched his quickly swallow the liquid, knowing the look on his face was not from pain. "Sour, isn't it?"

"Yeah, a bit," Roxas muttered, taking a large drink of coffee to try to wash it down. "Always hated potions."

Not terribly fond of them himself, Axel agreed, "I try to avoid them, but when I need one, I go for Hi-Potions so I don't need as much."

"Good point." As the potion kicked in, Roxas felt safe enough to stretch, relaxing into the couch. "Well, it's still raining. My truck is probably floating down a road somewhere. And I have no pants. Good day."

_I'd hate to see a bad day,_ Axel thought wryly as he responded, "Well, I can't stop the rain. But I'm taking care of your truck, and pants are overrated."

"What?"

Axel reiterated, "Pants. I mean, really, what's so great about-"

"Not the pants!" Roxas cut him off, not wanting to know the redhead's opinion on pants, "What about my truck?"

* * *

><p>WHY IS THIS CHAPTER SO SHORT?<p>

Because it's a week late and I overestimated my outline. I got everything I planned into this chapter, and then sat here and thought... Wow, that's it?

Yeah. That's it. But no, that's not why it took me three weeks. I got caught up in some personal business (I apologize), but it's been handled. Hopefully the next chapter will be up on time. Please be patient with me. Thanks for reading, hope your week is going well, and... nope, that's all I got. Any and all questions are welcome, you have but to ask!

_On Notre Dame_: Yes, I made _Hunchback of Notre Dame_ a world. Mwahaha. I think it'd be a good world. Lots of darkness and intrigue, I can't see why they never included it.  
><em>On Potions, Elixirs, and others<em>: Yes. These are medicines. Potions are the equivalent to most of your over-the-counter aids, like ibuprofen, aspirin, and things you can find on a shelf. Ethers are a bit above that, more like prescription medicines. Elixirs are narcotics that tend to be addictive. Tada!


	6. Denunciation

**Warnings:** ANGST! ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST AAAAAAAANGSSSSSST! Mwahaha, I'm such an evil jerk. Anyway. Most of this chapter focuses on the past, and you'll probably have questions that shall remain unanswered if unasked. Cid has a potty mouth. Roxas gets pissy. Axel gets... well, Axel.

* * *

><p>"Roxas!"<p>

From his precarious perch in the middle of a Gummi engine, he could only answer in what he thought was Cid's direction, "Yessir?"

"I've told you about that shit, get out here."

With a sigh, he managed to slither through the mechanical workings of the ship until he surface not too far from where his boss stood. "What shit?"

"Callin' me sir and fuck all what else," Cid explained, extending a hand to pull Roxas to his feet. "Knock it off. I work for a living."

The phrase was not unfamiliar to Roxas; he rolled his eyes and continued, "Fine, now what did you want?"

"You need to take a break." When he received a questioning look, Cid reached out and smacked him over the top of his head. "You've been down in that rig for six fucking hours! If I couldn't hear you clanking around and breaking shit in there, I woulda thought you died or something. Go get something to eat, or take a walk, or something, dammit, you're a liability."

None of which Roxas understood, but he got the gist of it: get the Hell out of that shop. He did dare to ask, "How long is a break?"

Cid considered this, asking, "What time is it?"

"Um... Just after three," Roxas replied, glancing at the clock on the wall.

Which received a puzzled look, as if time had gotten away from the mechanic, before he continued, "What time is your shift over?"

"Six."

Now giving Roxas a feral grin and a shove, Cid explained, "Three hours, then."

And with that, he dropped himself into the engine Roxas had been doctoring.

_Well,_ Roxas thought as he walked through the bay door and out of the shop, _I guess that's the end of that._

So he took a walk. Axel's friend Rude had dropped his truck in the shop a few days prior, and there it sat, comatose. The computer had finally given out completely, the circuits shorting out in the downpour. Cid offered to order the part for him, but Roxas hated feeling indebted to anyone (especially his superiors), so he'd declined.

He wasn't entirely sure he knew where he was going yet, or for what purpose. He knew that he could have just gone back to the apartment (which he couldn't call home without a solid emptiness echoing in his stomach), but Naminé was at class still and he hated the silence. So he took a walk, through the winding back roads and the carefully constructed alleys.

Radiant Garden was more a home to him than any other physical place had ever been, but it still felt wrong to him. Almost everyone he'd grown up with, the ones that mattered, had ended up here and going to the University like Naminé. Weather aside, this world was comfortable and safe. He just hated being trapped here.

"Roxas."

He was startled by the voice, turning to see Seifer jogging to catch up to him. For a moment, they just stared at each other.

A part of Roxas hated the idea that the other still had a way out. Because, really, when they'd conscripted, that's what it had been: a way out. He hadn't been especially close with Seifer, and he knew their reasons were different, but when they'd passingly discussed post-mandated education prospects, and both revealed the same plan, there'd been something in Seifer's eyes that Roxas knew.

"Hey." He managed a real smile.

Seifer returned it, though his was a bit more hesitant. "Hey."

"How's your Struggle class?"

"Good, you know," This earned a sheepish grin as he remarked, "If you consider a bunch of kids slugging each other for fun good."

Roxas laughed softly, agreeing, "Well, it could be worse. Could be running the streets bullying each other."

"Yeah, they could..."

_And here we go again._ It wasn't hard to recognize the way Seifer's voice trailed away, reading Roxas carefully without making eye contact, wanting to touch but afraid of disrupting the house of cards.

"So um," He finally continued, shifting from one foot to another, "I heard you've been working over at Lufaine."

Resisting the temptation to ask where he'd heard that from, Roxas nodded and answered, "Yeah, things worked out alright for me."

"That's good." Seifer raised his eyes to Roxas's, asking next, "Think you'll work there for a while, maybe settle down?"

With a scoff, Roxas retorted, "Do you really think I can settle down now?"

It was a stupid question, really, and they both knew it. After five years of ups and downs, seeing other worlds, living a life that was full to the brim with life, the idea of setting down and staying down was one that few pilots ever chose, or even considered. Many continued the lifestyle, investing in their own ship and traveling off-world, though perhaps not as frequently as before.

"So what are you gonna do?" Seifer glanced away, down, and back again before adding, "I know it's not easy-"

Roxas chuckled, but more of frustration than mirth. "Oh, you know, do you?"

Seifer was able to answer somewhat civilly, "I'm trying to look out for you the same way any Gummi pilot does when-"

The phrase _Gummi pilot_ brought a thickness to his throat he didn't understand.

"I'm not your responsibility."

There was a look of confusion on his face, and Roxas was sure that this was going to spark an argument, maybe even a fight.

But Seifer just stepped away. "I just want to help."

And that broke something in Roxas, and he reached out and grabbed Seifer's arm, holding him there.

"I don't need your help," Roxas retorted, and when he received no answer, he continued, "I've handled it so far without your help. I conscripted without your help, I served without your help, and yeah, I got papered without your help. I didn't need your help to get this far, and I don't need your help now. I'm not falling apart at the bottom of some bottle."

"Don't get hostile with me, chicken-wuss," Seifer returned the bitterness in Roxas's voice.

As he released his hold, resisting the urge to show him just how hostile he could be, Roxas just said, "I'm not made of glass. I didn't break down. I kept going. I'm taking care of myself. So stop acting like you really care what kind of Hell I'm in or if I can crawl out of it, because I can. When your leave is over, you can go back to your ship and not feel fucking guilty about it."

Roxas stood and took the stare he'd rightfully earned; angry and hurt and torn.

Seifer broke his stance, turning to look far off to his right, muttering, "Fine. Tell yourself that you're fine. Tell yourself that I don't care. But I know better."

"Fuck off, Seifer. You don't know anything. Just fuck off."

Another stare, this one almost tender in its pain. But Seifer once again stepped away, and this time Roxas let him.

Over his shoulder, Seifer tossed, "Whatever, Roxas. When you grow the fuck up, come find me."

Resolutely turning in the other direction, that last sentence echoed around in Roxas's head. _When you grow the fuck up, come find me. When you grow the fuck up- grow the fuck up?_

"_Grow the fuck up!"_

He'd forgotten the face that went with that outburst, but he knew it was the reason he'd conscripted. Because he couldn't grow anymore in Twilight Town. It hadn't been just him; at some point in all the lives of that place, the sun would go out, and they would wither in the dark. That's why he left, why Hayner, Pence, and Olette had left. It had been why he'd helped Naminé leave.

In the nest, twigs are sharp.

When he pulled himself out of his thoughts, which were sad and broken and angry all at once, he realized he'd headed straight for _Organization XIII_. He didn't think he'd gone that far (it was a bit of a walk from Lufaine), but there was Axel, standing out in front of the shop. Roxas found some relief that he might have a distraction from this pure-

But there was Axel, locking the shop, ready to be done for the day.

Roxas hadn't even conceived the idea that the Organization closed, ever. It just seemed to be in a state of perpetual operation, all the time.

When he caught sight of Roxas, he grinned, asking, "Hey, kid, what brings you by?"

He answered delicately, "I was banished from my work. I'm a liability of some sort."

"Cid does that," Axel nodded, pulling his hoodie a bit closer to his thin frame. "So what, you just thought you'd wander over and harass me?"

Roxas chuckled at that, soft and sheepish, answering, "Well, no, I guess not..."

Which caught the redhead's attention, and suddenly he knew. Knew by the way Roxas was standing there, knew by the way he'd hesitated in his steps up to the door. Roxas hadn't been looking for a boredom fix. He'd been looking for an escape. Looking for somewhere to be safe. Axel knew, though he wasn't sure how, and looking at his keys in his hands, he knew he'd just ruined that.

"Anyway, I guess I'm gonna let you get on with your life," Roxas excused himself, with enough teasing in his voice to allow Axel to ignore that look.

But as he started away, Axel was reassured that he wasn't a terrible person.

"Hey, you busy?"

Roxas stopped and took a deep breath, responding as he looked back, "Not really."

"Why don't you come upstairs?" Axel invited, adding, "I can make something to eat, we'll have Naminé over when she gets out of class. It'll be edible, I promise."

"I... Yeah."

'Upstairs' was really just that; there was a loft above the tattoo shop that Axel made his home.

"So did you live here before you worked at the _Organization_," Roxas asked as the door refused to open, "Or did working here tip you off about the loft?"

Axel answered as he finally coaxed the lock into release, "They happened almost simultaneously. I moved here and instantly was absorbed into the rag-tag group of Nobodies downstairs."

Roxas was surprised at the orderliness of the space, and more importantly, the fact that a pair of bright yellow eyes were observing him unassumingly from the couch.

"What's that?"

Following his stare, Axel answered with a dismissive tone as he continued inside, "That's just the cat."

As he approached it to investigate further, Roxas could almost see cat-like features on the creature. It was black and sleek, with large ears that narrowed slowly to a point. Its stump of a tail was cleverly hidden against its body, which seemed ready for attack, but when the blonde reached out for it, he received a small headbutt and quiet grumble of welcome.

"What's its name?"

"The Cat."

Roxas turned to face Axel's kitchen, asking incredulously, "It doesn't have a name?"

"Not a proper one," Was the bored response, as if Axel had expected these questions.

So Roxas sat on the arm of the couch as he pressed further, "But what do you call it?"

"Heartless Bitch, usually," Axel answered with a grin over his shoulder.

"It's a girl?"

Axel shrugged, and when Roxas scoffed a bit of disapproval, Axel just laughed. "Listen, kid. The Cat's been here longer than I have, and in all my time here, it's always been The Cat. It's a title of respect."

The Cat had crawled into the younger's lap, investigating his clavicles politely as Roxas rubbed its ears. "Was it here when you moved in?"

"Yeah," This as Axel pulled up his sleeves, presumably to wash his hands like the germaphobe working with needles had turned him into.

Roxas asked next, looking away from the glowing yellow eyes, "Well, where'd it come-"

When his question broke off, Axel gave him a funny look. But then he followed Roxas's line of sight to his forearms, which bore more marks than any body had a right to. Axel had forgotten that, so used to being alone in his home that the idea that he needed to keep them covered had been erased immediately.

He glanced back to Roxas, whose eyes were asking an entirely different question now. Axel took a deep breath, walking over to a modest bookshelf to retrieve a picture frame. Roxas accepted it, sliding onto the actual seat of the couch. The Cat resented the movement, and sought more familiar territory on Axel's shoulders, nibbling on the many piercings in his ear.

He ignored it, like he always did, watching Roxas investigate the image. Two redheads, one in his early twenties, the other a young teen, looking like idiots; the elder with his pierced tongue protruding, the younger with what looked like a freshly pierced eyebrow. Roxas knew that face, how could anyone mistake the bright green eyes that stared so defiantly? But the other was unknown to him.

"This kid," Axel finally began, pointing to the teen, "Is named Lea. His mother overdosed on some hyped-up Elixir over on Hollow Bastion when he was six. He lived in one of their community homes, like every other kid in that world. Once a year, they lined 'em all up in the town, asking someone, anyone to take them home with them. There just wasn't enough beds."

Tenderly, his hand moved to indicate the other, continuing, "That's Reno. When Lea was twelve, Reno saved him. At first the community leaders didn't think he could handle a child, at the time he was only nineteen himself. But he had the references needed. He brought Lea back here to Radiant Garden. He gave that kid more than he thought he would ever have: a home, a family, safety."

"Hell, he even gave him a new name."

Roxas understood now, turning to look at Axel's face now. He'd started to fuss at The Cat, demanding a little space, which relocated itself to the hallway shadows.

When Axel turned back to Roxas, he gave him a small smile. "Reno adopted The Cat the same way he did me, it was just here first. We were a family together. He almost never told me no, and if he did, he explained why. He let me fuck shit up more than was necessary, but I learned that way. He showed me how the world works. And he brought me into the world of _Organization XIII_."

"It wasn't long after I got settled that the nightmares came back." Axel swallowed the lump in his throat, explaining in a steady tone, "Lots of kids out of Hollow Bastion get them, you know, but mine... It was always about darkness. Like I was living a normal life, like I was going through the motions of it in that home, and then darkness would just seep out of the cracks and cover me like a second skin."

The reality of the dream was statistically shown; growing up in community homes, especially on that world, was a death sentence.

Axel cleared his throat before he managed, "So I'd wake up, screaming and clawing at my body, trying to pull that darkness off; and if I wasn't screaming immediately, it set in soon enough. I had more scars than I care to admit before I even made it out of there. When I had them here, Reno would wake me up, calm me down, make me feel safe and whole again."

"When I could breathe again, he'd grab a marker and draw these shapes on my arms," Axel gestured to the tattoos fondly. "He said that I didn't have to be afraid, because they weren't the darkness from my dream, they were there to protect me. As long as they were there, I was safe. I didn't have them a lot, they even stopped for almost a year. The last one was the worst, when I was fifteen."

Roxas inferred carefully, "That's when you asked for the tattoo?"

"Yeah," His smile was tender and almost contrite, adding, "He made fun of me for it, but he understood. He did the outlining for me, but told me that I was going to have to fill them in myself. This was his way of making me a part of that world. I'd had my share of piercings at that point, this was the first time I'd brought up getting ink. This way, Reno said it'd be as much my strength as his."

Nodding, Roxas teased, "Sounds like something you'd say."

"I learned a lot from him," Axel agreed, now investigating his arms himself. "It took me almost a year to finish them. Most of it was overcoming the initial pain and the part of my brain that says I shouldn't cause it, then I had to strengthen my left hand to shade the right. But I finished, and he was proud, and that meant everything to me. Still does, I guess."

He was breathing evenly, for the most part, tracing the broken edges of the tattoos. He still wasn't sure why he liked them; no sense of symmetry, all flow and organics, which was hard for him to wrap his head around when designing pieces for people he didn't know well. Reno had just pulled them out of the air, and drew them exactly the same way, every time. It amazed him.

"_Now as long as they're on here, you can't scratch."_

_Twelve-year old Axel, with eyes wide as the world and twice as wise, asked, "What is it?"_

"_My kind of magic," His caretaker said with a wild grin, adding, "This is my gift. I give people marks of power to protect them."_

"_Teach me how!" Axel demanded, struggling to keep still as Reno continued his work._

_With a laugh, Reno paused, looking at the green eyes that had caught his attention so easily in the square of children. "You really want to know how?"_

"_Of course," As if it was what every child should want, "I want to know how to protect people."_

_Reno smiled tenderly, fussing with the red spikes before continuing his task. "I'll show you someday. The most important part is to give them a name. Names are power, Axel."_

"_That's why I'm Axel, right?" The earned another grin, and he continued, "Because I wasn't the same as Lea, I needed a new name. But because Lea was still a part of me, and I was just more than I used to be, we added a letter and changed the order. That way I'm still made of the same things as before, just with differently." When Reno nodded, he asked, "So what are their names?"_

"_These?" Reno considered this briefly, but continued, "Your marks all share one name, Axel. These are Unversed."_

"This is the part where I tell you what an unhealthy relationship is, I guess," He continued finally. The tattoos had been explained, but not the scars that rested over them. "After I finished, he said he wanted one from me, something he'd see every day to remind him of me. I wanted to do something simple but... I dunno, different, I guess. He had plenty of tattoos, all over the place, I-"

He stopped, pressing his lips together, aware his right hand was starting to shake. "I just did two marks, bright red, on his cheekbones. I asked for something in return, something the same, so he gave me these," As he indicated the marks under his eyes, "And we called it a night. Then a few days later, he was gone. Disappeared."

With a small scoff that was almost a chuckle, he recalled, "I was so angry. I was all of sixteen, had done everything he asked of me, and he still left. He abandoned me the way everyone did. That's what it felt like, I mean, I don't think that anymore. Because I can look now and realize I'm not the only one he left. I mean, Rude, he was Reno's best friend, and Cissnei- Anyway. I digress."

"You were hurt."

Looking to the blonde, Axel knew he understood. "Yeah. And when I looked at myself, all I saw was him. And I sat there, wondering if he saw me when he looked at the marks I'd given him. And I looked at my arms, and I hated that I'd put his childish symbols on my body permanently. All they were was a tool, a way to trick a child into feeling safe. So I just.. I destroyed them."

Roxas allowed his eyes to linger on the scars, all of them, up and down his arms, tops and bottoms. Some were longer than others, some thicker. Some were clean and others jagged. But they all radiated that pain, the kind that doesn't really go away, or fade. You just learn to live in it.

"This one was a mistake," Axel mused, indicating a mark on the top of his left wrist. "I was so sick that night, I wasn't paying any attention. For a moment I was so sure I was gonna bleed out on the floor of a back-alley club's bathroom. After the initial fear wore off, a few days later, I thought it might not be a bad idea. That's where this one came from."

A mark on the underside, over some still-sensitive looking veins. Axel ran his thumb over it, taking a deep breath. "I woke up in the hospital, and I thought Reno must've come home, because who else would have found me half-dead up here? But it was Demyx watching over me, and I hated him for it. I mean, we weren't close yet, not like now, I knew him through Zexion and the _Organization_, but..."

"He said he wouldn't let me stop," Axel continued, for a moment rubbing his arms against the rough material of his jeans. "He said he watched me turn into one of the most amazing people he'd ever seen, and he knew it wasn't easy, but he wasn't going to let me throw that away. And I hated him for it."

Roxas could see how much that hurt, saying that Axel hated his best friend, for wanting to keep him alive, for wanting more for him.

Axel returned to his arms, though, and moved to his right wrist, showing a messy scar like a tear. "The first time I tried to kill myself, I meant to, and didn't succeed. The second time I wasn't trying, and I managed to cut deep enough to sever the tendon. There was no stopping it. I remember trying to call Reno again, but I guess I called Demyx. He called an ambulance."

"He didn't leave me for weeks," Axel said softly. "I remember waking up for a moment, when the ambulance got there, and the medics were arguing with him because he wanted to come with me, and they said they couldn't because he was a minor and wasn't family. I thought I called out his name, but he said I just kind of croaked."

This managed to draw a warm chuckle. Then, somberly again, "He said I was dead in that ambulance. Three-hundred-and-fifty-eight seconds. That's only like... six minutes, but he said that he had never been more... When I woke up in the hospital again, he was still there, and he just looked at me and said he hated me for that. And suddenly, I understood why he was there."

Roxas must have looked confused, because Axel gave him a smirk. "To you, it's just a tattoo shop. But for people like me, like Demyx and Zexion, it's home. It's the place we went when things were more than we knew what to do with. And I was sitting there thinking I'd lost Reno alone, when Dem had lost him just as much as me. Reno made it home. He made us a family."

"But you said you weren't close?" Roxas asked, still confused.

Axel nodded, thoughtfully, explaining, "I wondered about that. But looking back now, I can see myself doing the same thing if Demyx had been falling apart. We were a part of each other. And now, I was putting him through hell thinking he was going to lose the one good thing he had left after Reno was gone."

Silence was had. It was comfortable, amiable even, but as Axel watched Roxas's face, he could see how much of this was going over his head.

He didn't blame the kid for it; he was actually glad that Roxas had no idea what he was talking about. _This shit hurts, and I don't wish him that._ Blue eyes were still trying to take in the scars; Axel didn't tell him there were more, all the way up his arms, over his chest, his abdomen. Reno had given him a large task, putting so much ink on his body. And maybe that was what had hurt the most.

That he'd put Axel through so much pain to make him feel safe, only to put him through more to prove he wasn't.

"Listen, kid." It drew no response, not even a quick glance, so Axel tried again, "Roxas, look at me when I say this." Instant response; Axel explained, "I've learned more from these scars and tattoos than I could ever possibly make you understand. They keep me from forgetting where I was, where I've gone, and I wouldn't ever give them up."

Roxas glanced away, taking a shaky breath before asking, "Why didn't you leave? Why stay here, where it hurts?"

Axel was surprised Roxas knew it hurt. Not that the thought hadn't crossed his mind. But he couldn't leave; where would he go?

He answered, his voice soft and pliant, "To take responsibility for my heart. I stay here, I work downstairs, because I have to believe that Reno will come home, and I have to be here for him. And when he comes home, I'm going to have to stand here and show him the damage I've caused myself, and beg for understanding, if not forgiveness. And I still wouldn't trade them for anything."

"So why do you cover them?" Roxas asked, hoping his tone wasn't as accusatory as his question sounded.

Axel laughed, standing and returning to the kitchen with Roxas in tow. "Well, they don't inspire confidence in my mental state, to say the least. What do you want for dinner?"

"Doesn't matter," Roxas sat at the table, leaning forward to rest his head on arms outstretched across the tabletop.

Washing his hands as he'd planned, Axel suggested, "Open that book in front of you."

The bright pink binding didn't especially inspire confidence, but Roxas gave the pages a hearty flip and said, "Now what?"

Axel glanced over, a towel in hand. "Well, looks like we're having a spicy type of chocobo roast with paopu sauce."

"...That sounds bizarre."

"It's delicious. Trust me."

* * *

><p>Oh wow. Posted on time. I'm so proud. However, I feel like I'm always breaking Axel into a thousand pieces, which makes me feel like a complete jerk; but it's just so easy, and it works so well. And I wanted to take a different approach with his relationship with Demyx this time. I think it's more mature now, somehow, because Demyx isn't prowling around ready to tear out the throats of people who look at Axel sideways.<p>

Um... not much to say about this. I'm still not sure whether I want to bring Reno back into this mess or not, but if that's something you'd like to see, please let me know. It was important to me to have Axel vacillating back and forth between the childlike thoughts that he had been abandoned and was all alone, and the mature thoughts that showed he knows better now. I hope that wasn't too up-and-down-back-and-forth for you.

Writing this was hard on me, so I'd just like to say: if you've ever self-harmed, and reading this was hard on you, I'm sorry.


	7. Eviction

I just realized how mean Demyx and Axel are to each other. I think it works for them though, especially in this chapter.

**Warnings**: Demyx stabs Axel... I told you they were mean to each other.

* * *

><p>"This is gonna fucking hurt."<p>

Axel rolled his eyes, smacked Demyx again, and said, "Just hold still while I pull it out."

"I'm gonna fucking beat the shit out of you for this."

"Right, 'cause this is MY fault."

"It's YOUR shop!"

"I TOLD YOU TO WEAR SHOES, PANSY ASS."

This is the conversation Roxas walks in on, with Demyx sprawled on the front counter and Axel inspecting his foot.

When he saw the grin on the blonde's face, Axel warned, "Not a fucking word from you, you hypothermic brat."

"I won't say anything," Roxas agreed, knowing the fact that he'd been in this shop in nothing but a bathrobe gave him no room to talk. "Just tell me what's going on."

Demyx turned to him with the most genuine look of misery Roxas had ever seen. "I have a sliver in my foot."

"...There are worse things, I guess," Was the only response he could manage.

As Demyx began lamenting how very untrue this was, Axel managed to take hold of the offending sliver, twisted savagely, and pulled.

Whatever coherent response Demyx had been forming was gone.

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"I know, I know, it breaks my heart," Axel agreed without any sort of compassion, giving his best friend a shove off the counter. "Now move. I'm supposed to be working."

Demyx landed with a solid thud on the floor, where he remained for a moment before deciding, "Dishonor, Axel. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your shop, dishonor on The Cat-"

"Leave The Cat out of this," Axel said dismissively, giving Roxas a grin. "Welcome back to _Organization XIII._ Can I interest you in a piercing?"

Roxas rolled his eyes and asked, "Are you trying to turn me into a delinquent?"

"DISHONOR."

"Yes. Thought that was obvious." Axel pushed a phone book from the counter top in an attempt to silence further dishonor from Demyx. "Shut up, you."

"Well, what if I am?" Roxas asked, "What would you suggest?"

"Labret."

Roxas turned his attention to the blonde on the floor, asking, "What?"

Having apparently recovered, Demyx pulled himself upright. "It's a stud, under the bottom lip," As he tapped the flesh below the fullest part of his lip.

Axel added, "It might not be a good idea for you, though. First time you get a face full of engine goop, you risk a serious infection."

"Yeah, well, there's that," Demyx turned, disagreeing, "But he had the same risk with his industrial, and that hasn't gotten infected yet."

Roxas's hand instantly went to the steel bar, twisting it self-consciously as the pair continued this discussion. The initial soreness had worn off, leaving him with the chance to more appreciate it.

"You know what!" Axel tossed up his hands, giving up, "Fine! You go right ahead and pierce his lip! And when he has to have it removed, you can take care of it!"

Demyx's face clouded for a moment, asking, "Do they do lip removal?"

"...Well, probably not," Axel laughed, "But the principal remains."

Rolling his eyes again, Roxas asked, "Does he even know HOW to give a Labret?"

"...Well, no," Demyx answered, and when Axel laughed again, continued, "I know how, I just haven't had a chance to!"

Axel finally gave him a break, turning to Roxas and asking, "You weren't serious about getting a piercing anyway, right?"

When Roxas shook his head, Axel said to Demyx, "The kit you need is in Larxene's cabinet above the sink."

"...He just said he wasn't-" And that's when the feral smirk made sense to Demyx. "Really? Oh shit, don't move!"

They watched him limp back to the work stations, and Roxas couldn't help but laugh. "It's almost pathetic how much he wants to stab you."

"Well, I deserve it," Axel replied with a chuckle. "Besides it's been a while since I've had anything done. I miss it."

Roxas asked, "What did you get last?"

"Naminé gave me this design," As he pulled his hair to one side, revealing a mark behind his left ear. "She called it _Oathkeeper_."

It gave Roxas chills, the carefully crafted tattoo. Because he knew it; the delicate stems that reached up to the heart-and-star formation, and down to the winged hand guard. He knew this design.

Axel saw that it affected him, and asked, "What's up?"

"That... When she was little," Roxas almost chuckled, "She would tell stories with pictures. And they were always about us, in some weird way. One of her favorites, one that she went back to all the time, had to do with someone who kept losing his way, kept losing the people he cared about. The only thing that kept him going was a pair of swords: _Oathkeeper _and_ Oblivion._"

Green eyes flashed to the embossed industrial, muttering, "You can't be serious."

"Yeah," And now Roxas was laughing, genuine laughter, as he explained, "I never really asked about it until we got here. She said she was always _Oathkeeper_. She said that all she knew how to do was collect promises, and hope that she wouldn't lose them. I was _Oblivion_ because that's what I fought against. That's what I saved her from."

For a moment, Axel was almost ashamed that he'd accepted such a gift without knowing the story behind it. This had only been a year or so before, probably just after Roxas left for his final deployment, and Naminé had suddenly come to him, asking what he thought of the design, asking him if he would take it. And he'd never asked.

He felt like he'd taken a part of hers and Roxas's relationship away.

But Roxas smiled, and said tenderly, "I'm glad she gave it to you."

"Yeah?" Axel was relieved, to say the least, but still confused.

Nodding as Demyx returned, Roxas continued, "It means she's not holding on to promises anymore. It means she'll be okay."

The seriousness of the conversation dissolved almost instantly in Demyx's utter joy of a new skill. Axel made sure to give as much instruction and last minute advice as possible before losing the use of his lip, and even then he continued to direct Demyx's actions. When the forceps came out, he gave up completely. It almost looked like he was regretting the decision.

But Roxas watched as Demyx used a rather large needle to pierce Axel's lip; replaced it with the stud; and twisted the ball to the end, locking it in place.

"And nobody died, and cake was had!" Demyx exclaimed, his hands shaky with realization of the fact.

Axel was too preoccupied with this new piece of metal in his mouth to respond at first, but managed, "Dem, your cake sucks. I'm not eating it."

"You are SUCH a DICK!"

"You just fucking stabbed me, and your cake sucks. I have the right to be a dick."

"DISHONOR!"

Axel managed to grab Demyx, in what looked like a hug but was probably the predecessor to a wrestling match. "I love you, too."

"OI! KNOCK IT OFF!"

New face storming in, separating the battling men and tossing them to either side of the shop. He turned to Roxas, who was still laughing, and judge him as no threat.

"What the HELL are you asshats doing?"

Axel managed to pick himself off the floor with a grin, answering, "Demyx has finally pierced something other than an ear. It's a big day."

He was probably smaller than either Demyx or Axel, but with the closely cropped blonde hair and bright, narrow eyes, he gave the impression of someone who was used to dealing with people. And based on the way he clearly didn't give a damn about whether or not he injured the two, Roxas figured he must have known them for a while.

Of course, at this point, he was rubbing his eyes in frustration. "I've told you about that shit, you know it's a liability if someone sees-"

"You mean if someone sees and cares," Axel said, his lightness faltering, and carefully he continued, "Luxord. Only one person ever really cares."

Their eyes met; and suddenly the air was heavier, and even Demyx, who had taken longer to recover, was somber at best.

Axel turned to Roxas, and he wanted to ask; but then, Axel just gave a sort-of smile and mused, "Forgot the antiseptic. Here I am harping about infection."

He headed back to the offices, passing Roxas without another word. But he felt the chill as he went, and immediately turned to Demyx.

"It's..." Demyx sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's complex."

Roxas was used to that. "The gist of it?"

"The chain manager." This from Luxord, despite the fact that he didn't know Roxas. "He took over the _Organization_ about ten years ago. He and Axel don't see eye-to-eye."

Demyx scoffed, muttering, "Yeah, that's what it's about."

Luxord spun on him, asking harshly, "What do you want from me, Demyx, there's not shit any of us can do until he gets back."

"There's one person who could do something-"

"He hasn't stepped foot in one of the shops since Xemnas took over!"

_This is getting me nowhere._ Roxas turned and made after Axel, hoping that, even if he couldn't get the answer he wanted, what he would get would at least make sense.

He found the redhead spitting blue antiseptic into one of the sinks, in the process of filling a cup with water. He turned enough to show he heard Roxas, but when the blonde didn't say anything, Axel continued his task. Roxas leaned against the door frame, giving him the time he needed to collect himself.

A part of him thought he should just let it go. After learning about Axel's past, about his scars, about Reno, Roxas felt like he was tottering on the edge of a deep cliff. He knew that, statistically, he was due to fall into some sort of addictive spiral, and he wasn't sure if it was going to be one of ink and metal, or of Axel's life and all its twists and dark corners.

But standing there on the edge of that cliff was Axel. And even as he was giving Roxas something to hold onto, he was asking to hold on to Roxas.

"Reno opened the first shop," Axel finally managed, turning to face him. "He and Rude pulled together and got it started. Which was about the only reason Rude was involved at first, he had a hard time warming up to the lifestyle. But Reno, man, he lived and breathed it. Neither of them were especially business oriented, though, so they brought on Xemnas."

It was all coming together. "So when Reno disappeared, Rude bowed out, and Xemnas took the business?"

"Basically," Axel agreed. With a small sigh, he added, "The worst of it was me, I guess. I wasn't even seventeen, I couldn't afford to live on my own. Rude made the decision to roll the utilities for the loft into this shop. It wasn't easy for him. He saw his best friend in me. For the longest time, he couldn't even look at me, especially when I picked up my... habit."

Roxas watched him scratch idly at his sleeves for a moment. But he stopped, adding, "Anyway. When I got myself together, I started working here. This place, this is the only reason I survived. Everyone here took care of me. Xigbar and Luxord especially, they made sure I had food to eat. Got me started on school and all that shit. Rude and I are okay now, but I know he still sees Reno sometimes."

Axel glanced at him, and knew there was still a question waiting. He wouldn't make him ask.

"Xemnas didn't want me to stay here," He explained, adding wryly, "Because he considered me a loose end. Said that the _Organization_ wasn't a community home, and that we couldn't just take my living expenses out of the profits. That's how businesses fail, he said, that's why people end up hungry in the streets."

Roxas gave him a skeptical look. "So what did he expect you to do?"

"He didn't give a damn," Axel answered. But with a shrug, he dismissed it; "In the end, it was Rude's decision, and he made it. Xemnas just had to deal with it. And he hated that. So he's gone out of his way to make sure to... I can't even really say what he does, I guess. But whenever he comes here, and he intentionally avoids this shop, but when he's here... It just hurts."

And for a moment, something about that made sense.

Staring at him for a second, Axel chuckled. "I'm just dragging you down, aren't I? Sorry, I just... Well, fuck me..."

"Not until I know you better."

The look on the redhead's face was priceless. And after an incredulous moment, he laughed, and Roxas laughed with him. And that was enough. Roxas had pulled him a step back from the edge.

He was sure this was a bad idea. But then, he'd had worse ones.

Luxord and Demyx were mildly surprised when the pair returned from the back with at least half-smiles.

"So to what do we owe the honor of a visit from the Superior?" Axel asked, pulling himself onto the counter.

As he and Luxord discussed this development, Roxas found himself pulled aside by Demyx. At first, there was a moment of worry that he was going to be bullied into another piercing after all.

But the look Demyx was giving him was almost confused; then, as he reached out and ruffled the blonde spikes, he explained, "Thanks."

"I didn't do anything," Roxas said, smacking his hand away.

Demyx laughed quietly, rubbing the back of his neck as he replied sheepishly, "Yeah, well, thanks anyway. While Luxord and I are out here bitching like..."

"Asshats?" Roxas suggested.

This drew a quick glance to the eldest of the group, as Demyx continued, "Sure, like asshats, that works. While we're doing that, you managed to bring Axel back to himself."

Roxas wondered what that meant, but said instead, "Guess I'm good for something after all."

"Plus you're adorable," Which earned Demyx a good shove. "What, I'm being honest!"

* * *

><p>And that was the end of that. Thanks for reading, thanks in advance for reviewing. Have a good weekend!<p> 


	8. Amenable

So when I plan out my stories, I tend to have bulleted points of interest for each chapter. But sometimes I just need a filler chapter, which is incredibly relevant to the plot (just not yet), and usually the only point I put there is "DEMYX TIME!". This is one of those chapters. Enjoy.

**Warnings**: Demyx tries to kill Axel.

* * *

><p>Hindsight being better than foresight, Axel should have known better than to try eating Demyx's favorite type of fried food.<p>

"I'm really sorry about that," Demyx repeated as he handed Axel another bottle of water.

Firstly, because it was fried and covered in salt and generally not-good-stuffs when it came to new piercings.

Axel just shot him another look of contempt, drinking and trying not to choke. "I should kill you."

"Dude, I'm sorry!"

Secondly, because he was allergic to one of the main spices (which they both knew, but Axel hadn't realized it was used (and Demyx had apparently forgotten)).

"I'm going to kill you."

Demyx sighed, head in his hands, defeat in his voice as he requested, "Just make it quick and dignified."

"You're getting raped to death by a Moogle."

The very idea made Demyx snort and demand, "How is that dignified?"

"My tongue was just the size of your shoe," Axel answered, laughing in spite of himself, "You're due no dignity from me."

And just like that, all animosity vanished from their conversation in the emergency room. Life-threatening allergens aside, it had been an interesting day, and now that he seemed recovered, they were on their way out. Demyx initiated a conversation about Moogles in modern film, and Axel followed without much reservation.

He was pretty sure he was supposed to be somewhere at some point that day, but he'd called Xigbar and made Demyx explain why he was going to the hospital, so the shop wouldn't be left to its own devices; he couldn't remember making any appointments for consultations; and Roxas... _Wait, what about Roxas?_

"FOCUS." He was jarred from his thoughts as Demyx grabbed his head, shaking it to emphasize his order. "FOOOOOOOOOCUSSSSSS."

Rolling his eyes, Axel asked, "What am I focusing on?"

"Whatever it is, it isn't me, obviously," Demyx answered with a grin, releasing him. "I just explained your relationship with Naminé in explicit detail to that lamppost."

Axel glanced at the post and offered, "It's all true," before turning back to Demyx and asking, "Sorry, guess I got sidetracked."

Demyx didn't seem interested in shaming him, instead dismissing, "Eh, just as long as you come back to me. How's that lip feel?"

"Gritty and infected," Axel replied sarcastically, admonishing, "Next time, I'll give you a piercing and emergency room trip."

With a small chuckle, Demyx confessed, "I think if I ever get brave enough to get one, I'd want Zex to do it."

"That doesn't surprise me," The redhead decided. "I mean, stabbing each other is supposed to be a pretty good bonding experience."

Demyx rolled his eyes in response. "And you wonder why I enjoyed it so much."

"Sure, after your hands stopped shaking," Axel teased. When Demyx didn't have a snarky response, he asked more seriously, "You guys doing alright?"

Nodding easily, Demyx answered, "Yeah. Same old shit."

"Talk to me," Axel pleaded, catching the sea-green eyes and reiterating, "What's wrong? Fighting again?"

Sighing, Demyx replied, "Fighting still. I guess I should be happy, though, I mean, it's not like we're arguing over stupid shit."

Their pace had slowed to a mild stroll as they wandered through Radiant Garden. "What do you argue about?"

"Which bills to pay," Demyx muttered, adding to Axel's confused look, "We get to the end of the month, and all these notices are piled up on the table, and at least two of them are going to be late. Obviously rent has to get paid, and electricity. From that point, though, it's up in the air. My priorities are different from his, I guess."

"But you're both working," Axel presented.

With a small scoff, Demyx answered, "Yeah, we work, barely. The _Organization_ is a good gig, I'm not gonna lie, but it only gets us so far. And my hours at that diner are minimal, at best. If we could set all accounts back to zero, we might be okay. But I've still got student loans to pay back. And he was in the hospital last fall with whatever infection that was, we're still paying on that."

"So what, you argue about what to let go and what to take care of?"

"Yup."

Axel considered this, wondering, "I still don't see how you should be happy about that."

"Because it matters that our priorities are different," Demyx explained. Another confused look, met with a smile. "More than Zexion wants to make me happy, more than he doesn't want to fight, he wants to make sure my student loans get paid off. And more than I want to keep the peace and just openly love him, I want his medical expenses cleared."

Which made sense to Axel, and he was glad Demyx could explain it that way. It didn't matter what they were fighting about; it was that they weren't willing to compromise themselves just for the sake of having a quiet evening. It was about wanting to be real, even if that meant they were really angry. It was about not being afraid to stand their ground.

Demyx finally just shrugged it off, adding, "It's nothing new, you know, working and paying bills and somehow managing to stay in love. That's life in a nutshell."

"...Hey, can I ask you something?"

This earned him a sardonic, "Kinda late to start caring now, isn't it?"

"Alright, you asshat," Axel chided with a shove, asking differently, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Shrugging, Demyx answered, "Sure. You know I've got no secrets."

The redhead started, instantly drawing a serious stare, "You guys have only ever known each other, right? Like, as far as-"

Demyx nodded, cutting him off with, "Yeah, I'd say so. I mean, I never dated anyone before him. You remember, we used to joke about this, how I was asexual and all that."

Axel grinned at the memory, "You were a precious honey bee, practicing parthenogenesis for all eternity-"

"Shut it," Demyx laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, still easily teased. He continued after a moment, "Honestly, it's never come up between us, I guess. I've never sat Zex down and asked him if he ever dated or had sex with anyone besides me. But I... I guess I think I would know, right? I mean, we've been friends since middle school, so unless it happened before that..."

With a sideways glance, Axel suddenly asked over-dramatically, "I haven't planted a seed of doubt in your mind, have I?"

Another laugh; "Nah, not likely. I just never thought about it that way before. I mean, if something happens and we split up, I'm not gonna know what I'm doing. I have literally no experience."

"You've been with him for ten years, Dem," Axel argued, and when his friend made to shrug this off as well, he reiterated, "That's a whole fucking decade, man."

Though he conceded to this, Demyx presented, "Marriages can fail after fifty years of trying, though. Age isn't wisdom, experience isn't skill, and time is meaningless."

"...Wow. That's got to be the corniest thing you've ever said to me," Axel decided. After they exchanged grins and shoves, he mused, "I just don't see you guys splitting up, though. I mean, do you?"

Demyx sighed with a tender smile. "Nope. I mean, we've spent ten years fighting and screaming, always to the point of 'one more and I leave'. But it never happens. There's no running away when we're fighting, we get it over with in one go. Don't take days to cool off and say we're good. Don't go to bed angry. I can't think of anything to make him or I want to leave."

"...Well, you snore," Axel suggested, continuing, "And can't make cake. Or anything, really. And you obviously don't give a fuck if you kill me, who's to say he isn't next-"

"DISHONOR!"

* * *

><p>By the time he made it home, Demyx felt significantly better about almost killing his best friend.<p>

He found Zexion all but passed out on the kitchen floor, which was not especially unusual. "You alright, baby?"

"Just resting," Was the sleepy response, as he rolled over enough to smile. "Heard you had an adventure today."

Demyx crumpled on the floor next to him and replied, "Jeez, is that going to be the gossip in the _Organization_ for a while, me killing Axel?"

"It'd be nice if they stopped talking about all the weird things I apparently do to you," Zexion answered, reaching to brush his hand over Demyx's cheek.

His eyes drifted closed at the contact, loving the delicate pressure. "It'd be even nicer if I didn't come home to a pile of Zexy on the floor."

A small chuckle, with a somberly contrite, "You forget, Xemnas operates out of my store. It's exhausting."

He opened his eyes again, knowing this more than he liked. Not for the first time, he suggested, "Maybe you should look for a different job."

"I can't leave the _Organization_, you know that," Zexion replied dryly.

Demyx knew this was an old argument, and he understood where Zexion was coming from. Leaving wasn't just as simple as turning in two-weeks notice and moving on. It was abandoning the family.

But he couldn't live like this forever, coming home and collapsing on the kitchen floor, making it but barely. Demyx wanted more than this for them.

As if reading his mind, Zexion drew his hand away, rubbing his eyes and asking, "Can we not do this today? Please?"

"...Yeah. Okay."

He hadn't meant to sound like that, like he was going to hold on to it anyway and just stew over it. But he did, and they both knew he wasn't going to let it go.

Zexion sighed and gave him a chiding stare. But after a moment, he relented; "I'll see what's out there. But no promises."

Demyx reached and pulled him close, the smaller sliding easily across the laminate floor. The blonde was on his back, Zexion sprawled on his chest, staring down at him.

"Just promise me," Demyx murmured softly, "No matter what happens, you keep the doors unlocked."

Zexion replied in kind, "Never even crossed my mind."

The exchanging of such a promise had started when they'd first started dating, which had caused something of a serious meltdown in Zexion's family. With Demyx's mother, it had been easy (she'd assumed they had been dating for years); Zexion's family had tried to reasonably convince him that he was just confused.

When he assured them that he wasn't, they began to less reasonably threaten all manner of unsavory things, the least of which was removing him from the residence.

"_They're kicking you out?"_

_With a small shrug, Zexion replied, "That's what they're saying, anyway, unless I come to my senses and leave you."_

_Demyx rubbed the back of his neck, angry and scared and ashamed. "Damn, I don't want to come between you and your-"_

"_Shut up." The smaller leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to Demyx's lips, murmuring, "They're not even family, Demyx. They're like... they're just people I live with. My real family's down at the _Organization_, and you know they couldn't give two flying fucks about whether we're together or not, even if they really wanted to. You're more important than living with those people in that house."_

_A shiver ran down his spine. "You shouldn't say shit like that to me, Zex. I might believe you."_

"_That's my plan," Zexion answered with a chuckle, adding, "Because I'm going back over there to tell them the same thing." Alarm must have flashed in Demyx's face as Zexion stood, because he gave him another kiss, slowly, lingering this time, before comforting, "I'll be fine. They're all talk, the worst thing that could happen is I have to stay somewhere else for a while, okay?"_

_Demyx nodded, wanting nothing more than to pull him back down onto the bed and just hold him, just for a little longer. "Okay, baby. Okay."_

"_I've told you about calling me that," Came the tender scolding, but then he was leaving._

_He'd made it to the front door by the time Demyx had formed a response, following him, grabbing his hand. Slate eyes turned back to him, patient, waiting._

"_Just... I'll leave the doors unlocked, okay?" Confusion, another soft kiss. "In case you need to come home."_

"_...Promise?"_

"_I promise."_

Over the years, it had turned into their way of saying _Don't give up_. On what, they never really specified. But usually, it was _Don't give up on me_.

"I love you, Zex."

Pressing their lips together before settling against the steady heartbeat, Zexion murmured, "I love you too, Demyx."

* * *

><p>I realize this chapter and the last were both kind of short, and I'm sorry, but they should pick up soon. However, I will be starting school in the fall (going into the 'real' world, as they say), and at that point, I may have to spread updates to three weeks instead of two. More on that later, though. Thanks for reading!<p> 


	9. Infrangible

Okay, so this is a few days early, but it was really killing me by not posting it.

**Warnings**: Recall that I never actually told you any pairing in this story? Yeah. My bad.

* * *

><p>"Roxas!"<p>

He practically fell from the underside of the ship he was working on, turning towards Cid's voice. "Yessir?"

"Knock off that fucking 'sir' shit," Cid chided, like he did at least once a day, with a grin, before continuing, "You're done, head home."

Confused, Roxas checked his watch and mused, "It's only four o' clock, I'm here until six."

"Yeah, but I need that ship to train someone," Cid explained as Roxas wandered over to him, resisting the urge to rub his eyes with grease-covered hands. "Can't have you fixing the damn thing until Yuffie at least gets a chance to pretend she can. Then she'll really fuck it up, and I'll need you to fix it again."

Roxas accept the rag Cid offered him, rubbing his face and asking, "Who's Yuffie?"

"My niece," This with something like tender contempt, a sarcastic wish that she wasn't. But he was grinning sheepishly when Roxas glanced at him, adding, "My sister got tired of her getting in trouble over in Traverse Town, says she's always running around with the local hoodlums. Not that she'll get into any less trouble here, that kid's a handful."

Giving him a slight shove, Roxas hassled, "Bet she gets that from her mother's side of the family."

Cid laughed, shoving him back and ordering, "Get the hell outta my shop before I fire you!"

Roxas realized he didn't know what to do with free time.

When he wasn't working in the shop with Cid, he was probably either with Naminé running some obscure errand or with Axel, doing who-knows-what. But Naminé was in class until much later that night, and Roxas had already planned to head over to the shop when Axel started his shift. While part of him was sure the redhead was there anyway, he didn't want to deviate from the plan.

_'Deviate from the plan'. Wow._ He shook his head at his own progression of thought; as if Axel ever had a plan, really.

"Heads up!"

By sheer instinct he managed to evade the runaway Struggle bat, watching as its wielder rushed after it. Roxas was surprised at how much she looked like Seifer, with blonde hair and a black beanie, but after she'd reclaimed her bat, she turned to him and gave a sweet smile, which Roxas was sure Seifer would never manage.

"Rhyme, I've told you about holding onto your bat." Speak of the devil.

She turned back to her instructor, excusing herself shyly, "I know, I know! Beat keeps trying to show me, but I get so caught up in the swing that it just slips out!"

"You'll get it," Seifer encouraged, giving her a push back towards the group as he added, "Practice is over though, pack up."

When she was again surrounded by her peers, Seifer turned back to Roxas. And for a moment, they just watched each other. Roxas was glad to see that Seifer had stopped giving him that penitent look that came after telling him he'd been retired. He almost seemed to be looking at Roxas objectively, trying to decide if he really was better, the way Roxas told him he was.

Roxas felt better. Not completely, not yet; the tightness in his chest, seeing Seifer, was more than enough proof of that. But he felt better than he had in a long time, since coming back to Radiant Garden.

He offered a friendly smile. "One of your newer students?"

"Yeah," Seifer agreed, his smile a bit less easy, but genuine enough. "Her brother's been in my class since he was her age, and he started bringing her along. She needs work."

With a chuckle, Roxas nodded, "Yeah, I saw that."

More silence between them; Seifer glanced down at his own struggle bat, asking thoughtfully, "Got time to Struggle?"

_Sounds like a trap,_ Roxas thought to himself. After a moment, he answered, "I'd rather spar. If you've got time."

"I've got time."

* * *

><p>When they stopped, it wasn't because either of them were tired. They'd been trading hits for a while, both landing decent hits; Seifer's ribs were painfully bruised, and Roxas's lip was split (he was more than thankful he hadn't gotten the Labret now). Then Seifer managed to get one exceptional shot on Roxas, just above his eye, and the blood just wouldn't stop.<p>

"Remind me, lamer," Seifer demanded, rummaging around his medicine cabinet as Roxas rested on the edge of his bath tub, "What all that bullshit was about you NOT being made of glass?"

With another mouthful of blood on the white ceramic, Roxas retorted, "I'm not broken, am I? Either I'm made of really strong glass, or you've lost your touch."

"Just- jeez, stop dying all over the fucking place!" Seifer demanded, finally retrieving his first aid kit.

After a few minutes, he'd managed to patch up the cut enough to clear Roxas's vision. With a smug sort of satisfaction, Roxas noted a bruise on the other's neck that was probably going to look like a hickey within a few minutes; Seifer said something like _Hickeys don't take up half your rib cage_, and asked if Roxas would be able to manage a drink with his destroyed lip.

This felt normal, though. The exchange of insults and injuries, this was the way friendship and Gummi pilots worked. Roxas had missed it.

And he missed it with Seifer; because they had been friends, hadn't they? "Hey."

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

Seifer laughed, answered, "Listen, Roxas, I've taken a lot worse from people bigger than you-"

"No, I mean," And when Seifer turned to him, he almost lost his nerve; but under that scrutinizing look, Roxas explained, "I'm sorry."

And he saw the understanding in the blue eyes opposing his own.

But then it was gone, and he was tossing Roxas a bottle of water. "Don't worry about it. I would've acted the same way."

Roxas kind of smiled, adding, "You would've been a complete little bitch about me checking in on you?"

"Yes. Now seriously. Shut up and leave it alone." Seifer shoved him with a grin. "We're fine. Move on with your day."

"Your leave's almost up, isn't it?" Roxas asked as he opened the bottle Seifer handed him.

Plopping onto his aging couch, Seifer agreed, "Yeah, but I got a couple of weeks extra. They're changing me over to a new route."

"Any reason?" Roxas pressed with the knowledge that the Theater tried to avoid situations like that.

Seifer shrugged and replied, "My crew has an easy route, they probably want to stick someone new with them until they get the hang of things."

Which sounded reasonable at best, so Roxas asked, "Do you know what route you're going to?"

"The paperwork hasn't gone through yet," Seifer answered. "My supervisor said they're probably going to make me change companies, though, not that I'm complaining. All the pilots in O'Malley Company are idiots. They don't take anything seriously. But as long as I stick with this brigade, really, I'm good."

Roxas had forgotten they were both in Mufasa's Brigade. "That's too much work for them, they won't move you to another brigade."

"Sure as Hell hope not," Seifer mumbled, throwing Roxas a small grin. "You should try to get your boss to throw in a good word for me. Might get me an interesting route."

He returned the grin, rolling his eyes. "Cid hates the Theater, he spends a good twenty minutes just swearing indiscriminately after a phone call with them."

"That's what the stories say," Which came with a small chuckle. Then, more softly, wryly, Seifer noted, "You look better."

Roxas smiled, agreed, "I think I'm getting there. I'm not... I wasn't as okay as I thought I was, but it's easier now. Life goes on."

Seifer nodded thoughtfully, adding, "You've changed a lot from when we were in school."

"Yeah, well," Roxas laughed at his statement, but it was a real and tender laugh, "A lot's happened since then."

Laughing himself, Seifer argued, "Hey, I still see a lot of kids we grew up with, and none of them have changed. They still act like kids."

"Mmm. I envy them that," Roxas thought softly, adding to Seifer's questioning look, "I missed out on a lot because I was too focused on getting out. I never took a second to just be there and live the way people our ages were suppose to live. I didn't go out and act stupid. I didn't date and fuck and get fucked up. I just got through as fast as I could."

Seifer didn't understand; "What about all the shit with Sora and Riku and them?"

Roxas replied, "I was just there for them. Even with them, it felt like I was forcing myself to be there. By the time they'd found me, I was so behind, I didn't even know what I was doing. Actually," And this was almost funny to Roxas as he turned to Seifer, "I think the closest I ever got to understanding anything was when we talked about dating."

"What?"

_Trust him to not get it,_ Roxas rubbed his eyes, chuckling. "I mean, it was probably the first time anyone had expressed an interest in me, and I was genuinely interested in you, I thought. But when I thought I had it figured out, when I thought something was going to work, you got all... I guess the word is noble, because we were both leaving-"

Seifer kissed him.

"...You shouldn't-"

And again; this time Roxas almost kissed him back.

He managed to stop himself, to lean away, to put distance between them. He stared at Seifer, asking with a smile in spite of himself, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Seifer answered and pulled Roxas close again, sealing their lips and asking sardonically, "Why, what are you doing?"

_It's a trap._ Roxas replied, "I thought I was having a conversation, but I'm starting to wonder if something else wasn't going on the whole time-"

"Would that be a bad thing?" Seifer asked, hand wrapping around to take hold on Roxas's hair.

_It's a fucking trap._ "I think it's probably a bad idea."

"I seem to have a lot of those, though," Was the eloquent response as he pulled Roxas still closer, until he was practically seated on Seifer's hips.

Roxas forced himself to breathe and retorted, "Well maybe we should stop-"

"Stop what?" Seifer asked, "I'm not doing anything, remember?" But his free hand was traveling up Roxas's spine, his lips against Roxas's ear as he added, "Do you want to stop?"

_FUCK, it's a trap._

But when his lips returned to Roxas's, there was no stopping.

He knew it was a trap. He knew it was a bad idea.

But that trap of a bad idea had hands that were hot and fast and fucking _everywhere_. Over his ribs, his thighs, the back of his neck and _oh fuck_. His world was flipped, and he was on his back on the couch with Seifer over him, pressing him down, grinding against him, kissing and nipping his skin and moving his body in ways that made Roxas's body respond like he was supposed to.

Because Roxas sure as hell couldn't think straight enough to react, he was just too- too- _oh FUCK_. He'd get halfway into a thought and then Seifer would touch something and draw him away from it, as if he knew just what was going on in that mind of his. Because those thoughts were saying this was bad, this was a trap, this had to stop.

This wasn't happening. _Shit like this doesn't happen to me_. He never allowed someone to just manhandle him and touch him however they wanted. This was bad. This was-

His mind was cleared instantly when Seifer's hotter-than-hell hands reached into his jeans.

"Sei- Seifer..." _Trap! TRAP!_

Roxas felt him pull back, hesitate, but not far enough, not long enough, and he was carefully reaching again, lips toying with his pulse, complete disregard of Roxas's warning.

And suddenly he felt it, the way Seifer was holding him down, the way he wasn't going to be able to just shove him away and leave; he felt the instinct warning him to fight,_ Fight now, get him off you, fight before you lose yourself._ Every time he moved, though, it echoed through the other's body, friction urging him on, urging Roxas himself, even.

_Get him off you! Trap! TRAP!_

"Seifer-!"

That was all it took; within the spaces in his name, Seifer had completely disconnected their bodies, poised over Roxas in what wasn't an especially threatening position. His arms were supporting him, holding his body above the blonde, knees propped on either side of Roxas's hips. Roxas, who looked like a hot mess, barely decent and shaking; and Seifer was in no better state.

But Roxas was calm, watching him try to collect himself, watching his lips moving without sound. He knew the words that rested there: _too far, too far, fuck, too far. _It wouldn't be the first time he'd scolded himself that way, and it certainly wasn't the first time Roxas was seeing him do so. Admittedly, though, this was the first time given the situation.

Seifer finally allowed eye contact, his glance contrite and apologetic. "You okay?"

"...Yeah," Roxas breathed, trying to clear his throat as he added, "I'm good."

With something that might have innocently been a sigh of relief, Seifer began, "Fuck, Roxas, I-"

"Don't worry about it," Roxas dismissed, and because he couldn't care to stop himself, he pulled Seifer down for a softer kiss. "Just leave it alone."

As if skeptical of his response, Seifer considered the caress for a moment. Then, carefully, he stood, taking a seat next to Roxas when he sat up.

And they sat there, staring at each other.

And all Roxas could think was _Oh, FUCK._

Finally, glancing at his watch, knowing he had to get out of there before things got out of hand (again), Roxas murmured, "I have to go."

"...Okay."

Seifer walked him outside, keeping a friendly distance; he didn't have to look hard to see through the thinly-disguised escape tactic. He didn't ask where Roxas needed to go, he didn't ask when they might run into each other again. Roxas was glad, because they'd already tried this, dammit, and it didn't work. This wouldn't work.

Before he went back into his apartment, Seifer offered, "I shouldn't have-"

Roxas just rolled his eyes and gave him a small smile, reminding him, "You gave me a chance to stop. We're fine. Move on with your day."

Seifer smiled sheepishly in return, nodding, but unable to find anything to add. Roxas turned to walk away, but stopped, turning back to give Seifer a careful stare.

"Nothing's changed, right?"

He knew that this, at least, Seifer understood; it was written on his face. But still he asked, "What do you mean?"

Carefully, Roxas elaborated, "We said this... whatever it is... this wouldn't work because we were pilots and wouldn't see each other. So it was better to just take it for what it was and move on. I'm not a pilot anymore, but you still are, so it's still not going to work. So nothing's changed. So we shouldn't- get stuck on it. Right?"

"...Yeah," Seifer dropped his gaze, answering, "Nothing's changed. Right."

"Right."

* * *

><p>He walked into <em>Organization XIII<em> without incident; when he didn't see Axel at the front desk, he figured there was a client in the office somewhere, and parked himself on one of the couches. Sure enough, a few minutes later, the redhead walked out with a younger woman, who sported a bikini top and what Roxas could tell was a fresh tattoo- the badger, he realized, that Naminé had been consulted on.

"Now remember," Axel was saying, "Use the balm as often as you like, but if he catches you with it, tell him Marluxia did it."

She laughed, replied, "Will do!" and made her way to the door, throwing Roxas a wink as she went.

Roxas couldn't help watching her go, wondering just who she was, when Axel asked, "Who kicked the shit out of your face?"

"What are you- Oh, right." Roxas answered, "I was sparring with an old friend of mine, and we... went too far, I guess. How long did that design take you to finish?"

Axel considered this, asking, "The concept, or the actual tattoo?"

"The concept."

With a shrug, Axel headed back to the Throne Room with Roxas in tow as he replied, "Well, that one took a couple of weeks. But I went to Naminé for it, and she always takes at least one week to give me a concept- and it's worth it, I mean, I had no idea how to do a badger tattoo without it getting ridiculous."

"How ridiculous can a badger get?" Roxas asked, watching Axel make coffee with mild interest.

Axel chuckled and replied, "Well, I was thinking along the lines of _Hundred-Acre Woods_. I mean, something cute, child-like, and ridiculous. I would have choked on my own work."

"Now that would have been a shame," Roxas muttered, giving him a shove out of the way so he could make his own cup.

Laughing, Axel replied, "You're such a punk. Anyway, a normal tattoo concept might..."

Roxas grew concerned as his voice trailed off, but upon turning, he saw that Axel's attention seemed to be focused on his throat; "What are you staring at...?"

Green eyes flashed to his with a wicked grin. "Why, Roxas. I do believe you have a hickey."

"I- what? No!"

Axel walked into his office and brought out a mirror, offering it to Roxas with a taunting, "See for yourself."

Roxas accepted it, tilting it at several angles before finding the mark in question. It could have been worse, he was glad to think; it wasn't terribly big or dark. But it was there.

"It's never been a hickey a day in its life," He argued resolutely. When he received a sarcastic _Really now_ look in response, he conceded, "Not a fucking word."

"Bull-fucking-shit!" Axel plopped himself on the couch and demanded, "Start talking."

Roxas shot him a look, one that he didn't understand; like the blonde was frustrated with him, or the world, but trying not to be. Trying to decide if he wants to tell Axel this, and for a moment Axel almost recanted. Because, really, what business was it of his who Roxas was running around with, what he was doing, or who? _None of my business -_

Then came a small sigh, and calmly, Roxas explained. He started years ago, when he and Seifer had first considered dating; when Roxas wanted to be done with pining away over Riku, when he thought Seifer might be enough for at least that. He continued to their conscription, and how they knew they'd almost never see each other, and it was just going to end with hurt feelings later.

Better to not even start, better to just keep going with this odd sort of friendship they had. Better to just let it go.

He explained the events of a few weeks ago, when he'd jumped down Seifer's throat for trying to check on him. He talked about how much it bothered him that the other could so easily shift from thinking Roxas was big enough to handle the year-long deployments to Roxas being too weak to take getting papered.

And what's more, he added, that Seifer shifted just as easily from saying that he and Roxas shouldn't get involved anymore than their friendship allowed to pulling the maneuver on his couch. Axel was surprised at this, and Roxas quickly continued to explain how he'd been led into the trap and how he'd managed to escape.

Shaking his head, staring into the empty mug in his hands, Roxas finished, "But nothing's changed. I know it, and he knows it, which is probably what really pisses me off. Not just about him, but I... I should have known better than to go there. I knew something was going to happen. I just didn't think it was going to be that."

"What makes you say that?" Axel asked, having managed to remain silent throughout the story.

Roxas shrugged, answering dismissively, "I dunno, shit like that just doesn't happen to me."

Chuckling, Axel mused sarcastically, "What, people don't try to get into your pants?"

"Nope." Which was unthinkable, but as Axel stared at Roxas, the blonde rolled his eyes and continued, "Yeah, you're not the only one who doesn't believe me. Jeez, when I tried telling Olette back in high school... It's true, though; I've never really been in a relationship, never had sex- hell, what just happened with that asshat is the most that's ever happened to me."

Axel tried to not look completely dumbfounded, and somehow was able to ask almost politely, "Any particular reason, or...?"

"Not on my part," Roxas replied. "I mean, it's not like I run around telling people I'm saving myself for marriage or something. It just never happened."

_Well, shit._ He wasn't sure why, but that bothered Axel. He asked flippantly, "Any theories?"

"There's the standard _something's wrong with me_ defense," Came the sardonic reply, but as Roxas stood to refill his cup, he added, "I never really bought into that, though. I latched on to Riku as soon as I met him, and that pretty much took up all my efforts until I conscripted, and then I was too focused on getting out of Twilight Town to really want to get involved."

Axel bit back his next question, which had something to do with how Seifer fit into the whole scheme of Roxas being in love with Riku. Because, in a way, Axel understood it. One of the most amazing traits of human nature, he'd learned, was the ability to be completely devoted to one person, while wanting someone else entirely. _Amazing, but stupid._

So, instead, he decided to change the subject. "I've got a favor to ask you."

"...What's that?" Roxas asked, turning and leaning against the counter.

"One of the firms I work with needs me to head over to Port Royal to handle a case," Axel explained, adding to the cocked eyebrow Roxas gave him, "Apparently there's a captain over there with a ticket because he didn't pay the port master to dock his ship, and his argument is that his ship sank before he could do so. Don't ask me why I'm handling it."

Roxas didn't, asking instead, "So what's the favor?"

"Just keep an eye on The Cat for me while I'm gone?" Was the almost sheepish request. "I usually ask Demyx, but he's somewhat allergic to it-"

With a small laugh, Roxas asked, "How can he be somewhat allergic?"

"It's not like being around The Cat kills him or anything," Axel replied, "He just gets all snuffly and annoying, and Zexion always gives me shit for it."

Roxas could imagine, but answered, "I can't keep it at the apartment, Naminé says the super hates animals."

"That's fine, here," Axel was immediately pulling his keys apart, handing one to Roxas. "Key to upstairs."

Glancing at the tool in his hand, Roxas remarked dryly, "I didn't say I would do it."

"Well, even if you don't do it, keep the key." Blue eyes glanced up, green glanced away. "In case you need somewhere to go while I'm gone."

Not the answer Roxas was expecting; but he was almost grateful for it. He thought it should bother him that Axel knew Roxas used him as an escape, as much as it bothered him that he did. Still Axel didn't seem to be bothered by it, and Roxas wondered if Axel was using him as well. _It's a trap_, he realized. He glanced away, hating himself for thinking that. _No, it isn't. Shit._

With a sigh, he said, "When are you leaving?"

"Couple of days."

"How long will you be gone?"

"Two weeks, maybe, but probably not. Port Royal has a pretty quick turn-around."

Roxas nodded, having heard something to that effect when he'd been on-world there. "Alright. I'll keep an eye on The Cat."

"Look at me when I say this, Roxas." He hated the way his body flinched when the redhead used his name, but he did look. Axel pressed his lips together for a moment, before saying, "This might sound pretentious, but you always seem to be so busy trying to make life work for everyone else that you forget you're supposed to live, too. Give yourself a break once in a while, alright?"

"...Yeah. Right."

* * *

><p>Yeah. I'm sorry. It's all very confusing, I'm sure, but I promise it all works out.<p>

IN OTHER NEWS.

Now attached to this fic is a corresponding blog on tumblr! This is a place where I post my favorite excerpts from each chapter, as well as more notes than I feel like aren't exactly appropriate for (such as notes between updates, influences). I will also be posting a preview of each chapter the week before it's posted, with a note from me talking about it and an image highlighting a couple of ket elements for the upcoming chapter. Feel free to stop by, just replace the dashes in the URL below with dots!

http_cavalcade-a-kh-fanfic_tumblr_com

_If this seems really desperate, it isn't. I just have no one to talk to when I'm writing this story, and sometimes I just need to get things off my chest._


	10. Redemption

This is a week late. Actually, it's more than a week late. I'm sorry. I'll explain at the conclusion.

**Warnings:** Not really any to be had here.

* * *

><p>Axel reached into his pocket, where his phone was buzzing insistently, answering without checking the ID. "Hello?"<p>

"_The Cat won't let me leave._"

Rolling his eyes, he offered, "Did you try bribing it with food?"

"_It just looked at me like I was stupid and clung to my leg,_" Roxas answered. "_I'm gonna bleed all over the floor if it doesn't stop soon._"

He couldn't stop himself from chuckling, but replied, "Well, do you have anything else to do, or are you free for the day?"

"_I- I mean, I'm done with work, but-_"

"Then stay there tonight. You won't die, I don't think any of the traps are set."

The confusion was obvious in Roxas's voice as he asked, "_Traps, what-_"

"Just chill there, Roxas, have a night on your own for once," Axel teased. When he didn't hear a response, he added more gently, "It's not a big deal-"

"_Whatever. If The Cat kills me in my sleep, you have to answer to Naminé,_" Roxas warned, and abruptly ended the call.

Axel stared at his phone for a moment, bemused. But he found himself smiling, though he wasn't entirely sure why. He continued on his way through Port Royal as he considered what he knew about the blonde, how much Roxas had told him with little or no cajoling. Considering how long they'd known each other, Axel was surprised.

Because, in the couple of months since walking into his shop, Roxas had admitted to being retired from the KM Theater. He'd discussed injuries from his days as a pilot. He talked about his fears of losing Sora. Revealed his unrequited feelings for Riku. And just a few weeks ago, besides dragging up old feelings about Seifer, he'd confided to Axel that he'd never had sex.

He knew the whole situation was probably a bad idea. He'd already started on Roxas's design, and he knew that if the kid had been anyone else, he would be okay with taking what he had and being done with it. Axel never took months to design a tattoo. Maybe one, if he had a really specific request.

But this was Naminé, this was her brother, this was the two of them trusting Axel, bringing him into their story. And this was how the _Organization_ worked, wasn't it? Adopting the strays that didn't have anywhere else to go, no one to turn to when things got hard. That's what Reno wanted in his shops; it was like a sign that said _If you don't belong anywhere else, you can belong here._

Some part of him was sure Roxas was just going to leave again someday, which would be good for him, Axel knew. Roxas didn't want to be tied down to Radiant Garden, he didn't want to be tied down anywhere. He wasn't going to be happy until he could leave and be on his own and control his own destiny, the way being a Gummi pilot had allowed. Axel knew it would be for the best.

Another part, though, wanted him to belong there, with Axel.

"Yes, sir?" Came a voice as he walked into one of the more modern shops in this world, continuing pleasantly, "May I assist you in some way?"

Axel nodded, answering as he started rummaging in his pockets, "Yeah, I called last week, I'm looking for a computer for a truck, I've got the part number-"

"Oh, Master Axel," The man recalled, saying something to an aid behind the counter before adding, "Yes, sir, we've had it waiting for you."

With a relieved sigh, the redhead muttered, "Good, 'cause you're the only place that does."

* * *

><p>When a strange song started playing in the middle of the night, Roxas couldn't helping thinking how he <em>knew<em> staying in Axel's apartment was a bad idea.

It wasn't The Cat, though, causing the disturbance; the dark creature had claimed his chest as he lay stretched out on the couch, purring contently. He knew the tune, and he even vaguely remembered that it was important for him to find its source. He kept listening, waiting for a moment; just as he almost realized what it was, though, it was gone.

He managed to keep awake to consider the noise long enough for it to start up again. At that point he realized it was his phone and, more importantly, Sora's ring tone.

Disregarding the outraged cry from The Cat, Roxas scrambled to find his phone, answering it, "Sora, hey, sorry I-"

"_Roxas?_"

He voice caught, mortified at the watery sound of Sora's voice. "Yeah, Sora, it's me. What's wrong?"

"_It's um... It's probably like two in the morning there, isn't it?_" Came the sheepish response.

Roxas glanced at his watch, answering, "No, it's not even midnight yet. Sora, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"_Yeah, I'm fine, I just... I know you're not with the Theater anymore, but can you-_" He heard the brunette clear his throat before continuing, "_Is there anyway you can get to Timeless River?_"

Alarms were going a thousand times over in his mind. "Why? What happened, Sora, just tell me, please."

"_I need to come home,_" He answered, his voice breathy and shaking, and with something like a repressed sob he added, "_Please, Roxas, I need to come home._"

"I'll come get you. I'll figure something out, I'll be there, I promise."

He didn't know how he was going to manage it. He just knew that he had to.

"I promise, Sora, I'll get you home. Just hold on."

* * *

><p>Listening to Roxas recount the night's events, Cid ran a hand through his hair. Roxas hated coming to him like this, but he was desperate.<p>

"Kid, I want to help," Cid answered, shaking his head from frustration, "But you can't expect me to just... FUCK, Roxas!"

He knew Cid was hesitating, and for good reason.

Roxas was asking the older pilot to trust him with a ship, and while Roxas still had a pilot's license, Cid had never asked about his separation from the KM Theater; he didn't know if it had anything to do with his ability to pilot a ship, what kind of risk he was running by doing this favor. Cid had already done as much as he could for Roxas, giving him as much leeway as he needed.

But in the end, Lufaine was still a business. And Cid had to cover himself. Roxas knew this.

"I can do this," Roxas insisted, and when he caught Cid's eye, he repeated, "I can do this. You know I can."

Cid held that gaze for a long time, Roxas waiting for him to counter _I don't know shit about you, Asshat._ With a sigh, he went to his office. Roxas watched through the door as he shuffled through a few papers, made a couple of calls, and took a beer from his fridge, drinking half of it before returning to finish the discussion.

"We're having a talk when this is over," He had decided; Roxas nodded, and Cid continued, "I called the owner of _Firion,_ that ship you just finished; he's on his way over, he'll be your co-pilot. Yuffie has some navigation experience under her belt, you're taking her along. If there are any problems, I mean fucking any, Zack will turn that boat around and you will come back, clear?"

Roxas answered the way any Gummi pilot would: "Clear skies, sir."

"Let's get started with the launch prep."

By the time Zack appeared, they were mostly done checking the ship. Cid introduced them, though most of what mattered to Roxas had been learned by the condition of his ship. _Firion_ was in good condition and had come to Lufaine for regularly scheduled maintenance, and anyone who took care of a Gummi ship was considered a good person to the blonde.

"Thanks for helping us out," Cid was saying.

With a shrug, Zack just answered, "Hey, I get weekends off, and Shinra can always spare some munny for a good cause."

His easy-going manner and half-sarcastic jokes almost reminded Roxas of Axel, and he liked him for this.

Cid called back into the office, "Selphie! How's it going in there?"

"Almost set!" She answered as she leaned through the doorway. "Yuffie's on the communicator with Timeless River getting the landing release, we should be ready to go in a few minutes."

Glancing down at his watch, Cid said, "Alright, you said it's an up-and-out, so you should be back in two or three days. _Firion _should be able to handle that kind of distance, right?"

"I've been all the way over to the Colosseum with it, we should be fine," Zack agreed. "With two- and a half pilots, the only thing that we should have to worry about is the landing release-"

"We're good!"

Roxas watched Selphie and another girl bounce out of the office. He realized with a start that it was the same girl he'd seen leaving _Organization XIII_ with the badger tattoo.

"Everything's all squared away!" She said, flipping dark hair out of her eyes, adjusting her headband with a overzealous smile. "Clear skies, shiny, A-OK, ready to go!"

With a small growl, Cid rolled his eyes and muttered, "Shit. I can't leave those two alone anymore. Yuffie! No more fucking coffee!"

"Yes, Uncle Cid!" She gave Roxas another wink, pressing a finger to her lips, and he guessed that her uncle didn't know about her visit with Axel.

Cid didn't acknowledge the title, instead turning back to Zack and saying, "Timeless River will try to hold you up. Don't be a putz."

"Cranky-legged old man," Yuffie muttered, turning to Roxas and asking, "So what's in Timeless River?"

Roxas was caught off guard at the blunt way she asked, managing, "My best friend," after a reasonable time.

"Oh cool, rescue mission!" Which appeared to be enough for her. "I, the Single White Rose of Wutai, will assist to the best of my most amazing abilities!"

When he didn't respond, she just laughed and headed towards _Firion_, adding over her shoulder, "Well, c'mon, Cockatiel, let's go!"

* * *

><p>"<em>How's it looking in there?<em>"

Cid's nervousness was obvious through the speakers; Roxas and Zack were strapped in, going through pre-launch sequencing, listening to the engine hum in anticipation.

Roxas felt the same nervousness dancing in his stomach, but answered calmly, "Everything's on track, Cid."

"Just like Yuffie said, we're good," Zack confirmed, giving Roxas a look and rolling his eyes.

With a small smile in return, Roxas glanced over his shoulder and asked, "Does she always get sick like this?"

"_Pretty much,_" Cid replied, knowing what he meant. "_She should be okay to navigate once you break the atmosphere. You sure you're good?_"

Zack reached over to the switch controlling the communicator, saying before turning it off, "Yeah, Cid, give us a sec."

When they were mostly alone, he kind of chuckled and mused, "He's like a mother hen, isn't he?"

"He's something, alright," Roxas replied lightly, glad he wasn't the only one thinking this.

For a moment, he and the other pilot locked stares; Zack asked nonchalantly, "So do you want to lead this launch, or do you want me to do it?"

Roxas felt his mouth go dry, his pulse throbbing loudly in his ears, but he answered in the same tone, "I can handle it. Not my first lift-off."

"Alright," Zack said, pressing the buttons needed to hand control to Roxas, "Just let me know if you change your mind. She can be a handful, this boat."

Nodding, Roxas watched Zack activate the communicator again, hearing Cid swearing colorfully at being shut out. "Alright, Cid, ready when you are."

"_Fuck you both!_" Cid demanded, but continued with the more appropriate prompt, "_Ship ready?_"

Like falling asleep, Roxas replied, "Gauges, fuel and O2 levels, engine temp, oil pressure; clear. Controls, port, starboard, fore, aft, lift, drop; clear. Ship ready."

"_Pilot One, ready?_"

With a deep breath, Roxas answered, "Harness secured. Pilot One ready."

"_Pilot Two, ready?_"

"Harness secure," Zack agreed, nodding to Roxas, "Pilot Two ready."

"_Navigator, ready?_"

Yuffie had recovered enough during the final ship check to climb into her seat, surrounded by the tools of her trade. "Route mapped, harness secure. Navigator ready."

"_Removing braces._"

Roxas felt the ship drop before righting itself, hovering above the landing field. Yuffie was immediately motion-sick in her seat, but had emptied her stomach pre-flight, so he paid her no mind.

"Lift off," He responded, tilting his steering yoke back, feeling the return shift of the ship.

_It's been so long since I've done this_, he realized, glad for the years of training that made it second nature. However, he made himself go through the atmosphere slowly, much slower than he would have with his own ship, and it wasn't for Yuffie's benefit. He was waiting for the bright lights that always threatened his vision in these moments, waiting for his hands to go numb and his body to shake.

But the lights never came, and before long they were clear of Radiant Garden without a hiccup. He forced his breath in and out, glad of that.

"It's really got you freaked out, hasn't it?" Zack asked, his voice soft. When Roxas gave him a questioning glance, he elaborated, "Whatever got you papered."

"...Yeah," Roxas admitted, glancing away again.

He heard the others harness slide off as Zack stood, and Roxas was glad when he went to check on Yuffie. He reached for the switch that would change their communication frequency so they could reconnect with Cid before he thought they'd blown up before breaking free of the world.

"_Don't try to push her,_" Cid insisted, "_She's an older boat, you have to let them take their time. You'll be there soon enough._"

Roxas nodded, answering, "I'm gonna let her cruise for a while on auto. We'll check back with you in a few hours."

"_Alright, kid. Just take your time._"

* * *

><p>When they were within range of Timeless River, Roxas connected to the communications division, asking for the Keyblade barracks.<p>

"_Thank you for calling the Keybladers Residence Hall, how may I direct you?_" Was the bored answer.

Rolling his eyes, Roxas replied, "Sora with Team 16, please."

"_Hold for transfer._"

After a moment, he heard Sora's voice answer sleepily, "_H'lo_?"

"Sora, it's me," Gentle murmured Roxas, "I'm almost there, can you meet us in departures?"

"_Roxas... Yeah, I'll be there,_" He sounded so relieved, adding, "_I didn't think you'd be able to leave so soon._"

With a small smile, he chided, "You should know better than that. I'll see you in a while, alright?"

"_Yeah. Thanks, Roxas._"

* * *

><p>The trip there didn't seem to take any time, and Roxas felt the apprehension in his stomach as he settled back into his seat.<p>

"_Welcome to Timeless River, please supply your ident number and landing release._"

Knowing the dialect that was common on this world, Roxas was glad the greeting was clear of it. "Transport Ship, class Mako, number 623951. Landing release code 00872."

"_Ident confirmed. Landing release authorized. Please continue with landing procedure._"

Yuffie called from her station, "Landing site should be just ahead. Begin descent."

He forced himself to breathe normally as he tilted his controls forward, bringing the ship down. Check the gauges; everything was within normal ranges. No alarms ringing. Everything was okay. He was minutes away from Sora, and they'd be on their way back to Radiant Garden in less than an hour. Everything was fine. _Everything is okay._

His hands were tingling; he realized he was gripping the steering yoke far too tightly. When he tried to loosen his grip, though, he lost all sensation in his hands.

_Shit._ Then came the obscured vision, the colorful lights in his eyes that made it hard to see. He was going to start shaking soon, he was going to crash this boat.

"Zack," He managed, keeping his voice calm and low, "I need you to take the controls."

He waited for the question _why_, but it didn't come; he listened through the roaring in his ears to the other pilot punching buttons, and after a moment Roxas felt the mechanism in his hands go lax.

"Okay, I've got it," Zack said, and when Roxas's hands dropped uselessly in his lap, he added, "I'll slow her down, it should help. Take deeper breaths."

Roxas listened, closing his eyes and focusing on that, breathing slowly, flexing his fingers, doing anything but what he was close to doing.

"Dropping down," Came Zack's voice as from far away, and Roxas knew it was for his benefit.

The return prompt came over the communicator, "_Raising braces._"

As they settled onto the ship with a _clunk_, Roxas opened his eyes, glad to find them clear. His hands were back to tingling, but as it dissipated, he could feel them again. _Okay._

"I'll get started with the paperwork," Yuffie offered, which was more an excuse to escape _Firion_.

Roxas didn't try to pull himself from his seat at first, watching Yuffie leave and Zack stand. He allowed himself to unfasten the harness, finding it harder to breathe in it than he liked. Zack walked back through one of the interior doors, returning in a moment with something that Roxas was pretty sure was an ice pack.

Without a word, he pressed it to the back of Roxas's neck, its effect instant and calming.

Giving him a soft smile, Roxas sighed and said, "Thanks."

"It's not the first time it's happened on this ship," Zack dismissed, adding sheepishly, "Hell, it's happened to me plenty of times."

Sardonically, Roxas asked, "After five years as a pilot?"

Zack inclined his head as if conceding this point, but answered, "My five years were different from yours. I'm just an electrician for Shinra, you were a Gummi pilot."

"Guys, c'mon!"

They glanced towards Yuffie's voice; Roxas stood, adding as an afterthought, "I think you should handle the controls the rest of the trip."

Zack shrugged this off, answering, "If you say so, Roxas."

They walked off the ship and into the processing building, where Yuffie had pretty much completed the paperwork and all that remained was the standard _What's your business here_ questions and checking of official documents. Before long they were released into the world, and while Yuffie immediately ran into a gift shop, followed by Zack for fear of losing her, Roxas headed to departures.

He found his best friend sitting on a suitcase, completely ignoring the rest of the world, staring off into space. Which wasn't at all unusual for Sora, and Roxas loved catching him like this, because it made it easy to see what Sora was feeling; it was usually written all over his face. But right now, his expression was blank, devoid of emotion, and that worried the blonde.

"Sora!"

Then it was gone, and the blue eyes that mirrored his were bright and grateful. As Roxas approached, he threw his arms around him, pulling their bodies so close it was hard to breathe; but Roxas returned the embrace, glad to hold Sora for the first time in four years. _Four years is too fucking long_, he thought wryly, trying to not worry about why Sora was suddenly coming home.

"I missed you," Sora mumbled into his shoulder.

With a small laugh, Roxas replied, "Yeah. I missed you, too."

Clearing his throat and releasing him, Sora added, "So where's, um... Where's your navigator? You didn't fly alone-?"

"Nah, she got lost in a gift shop," Roxas answered, rolling his eyes and grabbing Sora's suitcase. "C'mon, we'll go find her and my co-pilot."

Yuffie escaped the shop with a few trinkets, insisting that Selphie would love the little steamboat (which, knowing Selphie, was true). Zack was beyond frustrated with her, but it was the almost loving sort of frustrated, like _If I didn't love you I'd be strangling you right now_, or at least Roxas thought so; the look on his face seemed really familiar, like Roxas had used it before.

"Now that we've finished that lovely adventure," Zack finally said as they returned to the ship, "We need to get the hell outta Dodge before Cid has a conniption fit."

Roxas had stowed Sora's stuff, and was in the process of strapping him into his seat.

"I have done this before," The brunette chided, but made no attempts to take charge of himself.

With a small smile, Roxas retorted, "It's just an excuse to touch you. When we get back to Radiant Garden, I'm locking you in my closet and taking advantage of you for the next four years."

"Oh, gee, you really did miss me after all!" Sora laughed. When Roxas was satisfied that he wasn't going anywhere, Sora mused, "You're the only one I could call for this."

_Because I'm the only pilot you know, or because you know I'd find a way to you_? Roxas bit back the question with another smile, saying instead, "Let's go."

Zack was already in the pre-launch sequence, answering, "Harness secured. Pilot One ready."

"_Pilot Two, ready?_"

Roxas clicked himself in just in time to respond, "Harness secure, Pilot Two ready.

"_Navigator, ready?_"

Yuffie took a tighter hold onto the newest addition to her space, a large bucket, before answering, "Route mapped, harness secure. Navigator ready."

"_Removing braces._"

On cue, Roxas heard Yuffie begin filling her bucket as the ship began to hover, and Zack managed to stifle his chuckle. "Lift off."

* * *

><p>After they settled into cruising, Roxas and Sora ended up on the floor, Sora asleep with his head in the other's lap. Roxas didn't mind at all, finding this almost comforting, running his hands through the brunette spikes. More than once people had accused he and Sora of dating, and at some point they'd even gone with it, but both knew (and didn't mind) that it wasn't going to happen.<p>

It was probably an unhealthy relationship.

But Roxas really didn't care.

"You're adorable, you know that?" Yuffie noted with a tender smile, having finally calmed herself enough to notice.

Roxas rolled his eyes, asking, "What makes you say that?"

"I mean, where I'm from, it's hard enough to get people to come across town to give someone a ride," Yuffie explained, "But here you are, going all the way to another world, just to turn around and come back, and you don't even know why. I mean, it doesn't matter to you, right? He called, so you came. That's devotion right there."

He couldn't argue with that, and retorted not unkindly, "So devotion's adorable to you?"

"Yeah, well," She giggled softly, "It's just not something I see a lot. It's sweet."

Staring down into Sora's sleeping face, Roxas commented, "Well, I don't see good in the 'verse a lot anymore, but I see it in him. That's why I came. In case that good was in danger."

"Wow, Cockatiel, you take everything so seriously," Yuffie murmured, but with a small yawn, she added, "But that's good. He matters to you. That's good."

Zack called from his bunk, his voice sleepy as well, "If you two don't shut up and get some sleep, I'm going to put you to bed."

"No need to get ugly, Zacky."

* * *

><p>I really want to apologize for the delay with this chapter. I had some family business to handle, and didn't know until I was there that we were in the middle of nowhere and had no internet connection; I'm sitting in an airport waiting to go home as I post this, so trust me when I say this has been at the top of my priorities. The next chapter will be up on time, which is to say next week.<p> 


	11. Acrimonious

Okay, now we're back on track.

**Warnings:** Heartbreak Warfare happens.

* * *

><p>Roxas wasn't surprised when Sora wanted to spend time with Riku and Kairi as soon as they were in Radiant Garden.<p>

He wasn't really surprised when Sora elected to stay with Riku, too.

He wasn't even really surprised when he was late to meet Roxas for lunch, the first time he'd seen Sora since they'd gotten back.

But when he saw the brunette come jogging up, Roxas wasn't upset as much as he wanted to be.

Especially when he gave him a cheesy grin and apologized, "Sorry, got lost over by that new turn-around."

"Yeah, they moved everything around over there," He agreed easily as they walked into one of the smaller cafes on their corner of the world.

For a while they talked about nonsense (which was never unusual for them), and it was easy, and Roxas was thankful. Sora talked a little about the worlds he'd been to, especially Wonderland, which made one or both of them think about an old teacher who'd been from that world.

"That Dodo was ridiculous," Roxas argued.

Sora replied, steadfast, "It's not his fault he didn't know what he was talking about!"

"If he didn't know, he shouldn't have been teaching it!" Roxas rolled his eyes, grinning in spite of himself as he added, "I've never understood anything less than his mathematics class."

He knew there was no arguing with that, so Sora answered, "You're just lucky Riku already had his class and kept the notes, or you woulda-"

"WE woulda," Roxas interjected, "You didn't get it anymore than I did."

Giving the blonde a scolding look for a few seconds, Sora dissolved into a warm chuckle, admitting, "No, I didn't. But we always said we'd make it, and we did, right?"

"Yeah," Roxas agreed, his smile soft and tender.

Much as Sora hadn't changed, there was something wrong about him. He seemed quieter, which was unthinkable. Of course, people change over time, _and it's been four years, _Roxas tried to remind himself; but Sora couldn't grow out of himself like this. It was like he was limping, trying to act normal but still hurt and not ready to accept it.

"Do you remember," Sora asked finally, his voice not quite sad, "When we first started hanging out, how we started making plans about the things we'd do together?"

Roxas replied, his almost teasing, "You mean like building a house on the edge of a cliff, or adopting a heffalump, or becoming pirates, or-?"

"Yeah, like all of those," This as he reached over to shove him before Sora added, "Seems crazy that it's been four years, and we haven't done anything. Not even the simple stuff."

With a small sigh, Roxas had to agree, "Life took us down a different road than we expected."

Sora stared at him for a moment, and Roxas was startled to see hardness in the deep, gentle blue eyes. And suddenly the good and innocence that Roxas had been so desperate to protect was gone, suddenly Sora was world-weary and worn. And it scared him, because Roxas knew that he himself held that expression so often; the reasons were never happy.

Then Sora glanced away. "Yeah, I guess so."

"...What happened in Timeless River?" Roxas was finally brave enough to ask.

Shaking his head, Sora deflected, "I don't want to talk about it, Roxas, not today."

"You haven't talked about it since you got here," Roxas presented, and when it did nothing to sway him, he added, "You haven't talked to _me_ since you got here."

"What are you-" Frustration laced his voice, but he forced himself to settle before continuing, more tenderly, "Roxas, I love you. You're my best friend and I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for getting me home. But that's just it; I _can't_ right now. This isn't something I _can _talk to you about today, so just let it go, alright?"

That stung; Roxas couldn't stop himself from asking, "So what, if I were someone else you could?"

He watched that bounce through Sora's mind, watched it sting him as much as it had Roxas.

This wasn't uncommon; it happened far more often than either would admit. One pushed the knife in, the other would twist. The one that hits the hardest wins.

"You know, Roxas," Sora retorted, with a bitter, breathy chuckle, "Just because you were perfectly okay with getting kicked out of the Theater, and just because you were perfectly okay with talking about it right away, doesn't mean that when the rest of us go through something painful, we'll be able to bounce back right away. So you can stop trying to guilt me into talking about it."

_Perfectly okay._

Roxas stared at him, his mind racing, trying to find the words to say what he wanted to say.

_Perfectly. Okay._

He was angry, he thought. He was hurt. He was confused.

_Perfectly okay?_

In the end, though, he just dropped his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

The hardest hit wins.

* * *

><p>He was jolted awake when the door opened. The Cat, who could see the door, didn't react, which meant it was someone who was supposed to be there.<p>

"I need a dog." Axel was home.

When the redhead wandered into the room, the surprise at finding a still heavy-eyed Roxas on his couch showed on his face. "Well. You're not a dog. But I guess-"

"Don't get attached," Roxas mumbled, pulling himself upright, "I tend to run off." As he continued to stare, he noted, "So it's raining again?"

Axel shrugged in a way, still laden with a respectably-sized suitcase and a small box. "It always is when I find you by surprise... I mean, I don't mind coming home to you on my couch, I'm just surprised."

"Yeah, well," Roxas sighed, pulling himself up, "It's been a rough day. Give me one of those, you need to get dried off."

He allowed himself to be helped, ducking into his bathroom for a towel before asking, "You wanna talk about it?"

Roxas found irony in the question. If he did, would he be _perfectly okay_ with Sora's remarks? If he didn't, would he be proving the brunette's point?

"Sora's back," He finally decided.

Axel, from inside the towel, assumed, "That's great! They finally granted him some leave?"

"I guess," Roxas answered, his voice low, clearing his throat before adding, "He just called and said he needed out, so I went and brought him here."

That drew pause from Axel as he resurfaced; softly, he asked, "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, I mean... I don't know." Roxas ran a hand through his own hair, with a tried sigh. "I don't know. He won't talk to me."

The redhead was just standing there, towel draped over his head, hands still hovering as if to continue drying it.

Roxas hated that look; the cautious one, the delicate one, the _say-something-wrong-and-he'll-fall-apart_ one.

He glanced away, asking, "So, how was Port Royal? Did the case-?"

"Roxas."

_Fuck._ He pressed his lips together, feeling chastised, and raw, and angry that Axel had stopped him.

But all he could do was give Axel a harsh stare as he countered, "I know! I know he wouldn't run off unless something bad happened. I know it hurts to talk about shit like that. I get it."

Axel coaxed, "I know you do."

"And just-" Roxas had to pause, had to look away and swallow his anger (because, really, he had no reason to be angry), before continuing, "Just because I came back and kept going and- and just because I'm not running around acting like being a pilot is some dirty little secret, that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. I just can't punish myself anymore. I can't-"

When his voice broke, Axel walked past him, as if to put up his soaked coat, but- and they both knew this- it was to give Roxas a moment to collect himself. Which the blonde was grateful for, rubbing his eyes more from exhaustion than the tears he was sure were threatening to fall. But he was okay, he pulled himself together and was okay. Just like he always did.

Then a strong arm wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him back against a wonderfully warm chest. And while he was caught off guard by Axel's embrace, Roxas didn't fight it.

Being held and comforted, just for a moment, just a little, was what he needed.

"Commit this to memory." Axel's voice was soft and close, tender and distant. "The world will punish you enough without anyone's help." The countless scars and tattoos were pressed against Roxas's heart, a way to reinforce the message. "Sora just hasn't figured that out yet. And it's something he has to figure out for himself. It's not fair that you get hurt from it, but that's how love works sometimes."

Roxas was released, but he stayed pressed against Axel's chest for a short moment more.

Then, infinitely more gently, Axel added, "That's something else. It might not always seem like it, but love _does_ work. Got it memorized?"

"Yeah." Roxas stepped away, taking a deep breath before turning back to Axel. With something that was mostly a smile, he asked, "So the case in Port Royal?"

Axel rolled his eyes, adding as he went to the kitchen, "Total bullshit. I don't know why I took it. I hate going there, the legal system's all wonky."

"...Wonky?"

* * *

><p><em>I need to get the truck fixed.<em>

Roxas couldn't help reminding himself of this as he walked out of _Lufaine_ a few days after Axel had returned. Cid had managed to get it to start a couple of times, but it barely made it from the parking lot before the sputtering resumed and it gave up. So Roxas had taken up walking to work and hoping the universe smiled up his travels.

In retrospect, he could have asked Axel to grab the computer when he was off-world, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind he dismissed it; while he was sure Axel would have done it, he hated being indebted to anyone. Axel had already dealt with Roxas enough without the blonde intentionally asking him for favors.

_At least it's not raining yet_, Roxas added, glancing up at the sky, which had been listless and overcast all day.

"Roxas!"

Cid's voice was gruff and angry as usual, which was not always a bad thing. Roxas turned, asking, "What?"

"For fuck's sake! Finally!" When Roxas gave him a confused stare, Cid grinned and explained, "You didn't give me that sir-bullshit again. I'm making progress."

Rolling his eyes, Roxas demanding with a smirk, "Well, what do you want? I'm not crawling back under that thing, I'm sick of brown sludge."

"Nah, I'm letting Yuffie go at that," Cid answered, adding as though scandalized, "She went and got herself a tattoo, I have to discourage that."

Of course, Roxas knew that; but he asked, to keep up the facade, "Did she get it down at the _Organization_?"

"Yeah, from Marly in one of the shops on the other side of the Garden," Cid grumbled, amending, "I mean, I can't really say shit about it, I've got my fair share. But her mother's gonna murder me."

Roxas had overheard the conversations between Yuffie's mother and uncle; he would indeed be murdered. "So what, are you leaving me _Lufaine_ in the will?"

"You're in the middle of a short list of people I'd trust with my shop," Was the half-way compliment before Cid reached into one of his pockets to say, "No, I just wanted to give these back to you."

He barely caught the keys Cid threw to him, and puzzled over them for a minute. "I thought it still wasn't driving-?"

"Axel brought back the part you needed from Port Royal," The older man revealed, turning back to his shop as he concluded your business. "We installed it last night, should run alright for a while. Needs to have the oil flushed, it's got fuel mixed in. I think he said not to tell you, but he should know better than to tell me shit like that. Now get out of here."

Roxas stared at his hands for a moment, his mind playing through this all a few times before he was able to move.

* * *

><p>He walked into the <em>Organization<em> a few minutes later. Demyx was posted at the desk, an unofficial receptionist; when saw the way Roxas was walking he just smirked and motioned him in. Roxas gave him a cursory nod and charged forward, hoping in passing that Demyx wouldn't let him in if Axel was in the midst of tattooing someone's ass.

But when he opened the door to the redhead's office, Axel was just sitting at his desk, working. He was surprised to see Roxas, but his expression remained neutral.

"Well, I guess I should be glad I wasn't piercing someone," He offered after a moment, "Wouldn't want to be startled and miss."

Roxas recovered his wits enough to ask, "Why did you do that?"

"I always make jokes when I don't know what else to do," Axel explained.

He managed to resisted the urge to smack the back of Axel's head, demanding instead, "Why did you buy the computer part for my truck?"

"Well, you needed it, right?" Axel asked in return, "Your truck won't run without it."

Unable to argue with that, and unsure why he wanted to, Roxas just pressed his lips together before asking, "But why?"

"This is how friends are supposed to work, right?"

Which caught Roxas off guard, and Axel could tell, so he continued, "Friends help each other, without being asked, without asking questions. You needed help; I was able to help; so I did."

Roxas was still just staring, and the elder had started to smile.

And Roxas found himself smiling, shaking his head, asking, "How do you do it? Just work your way into people's lives?"

"I'm a parasite," Axel explained sardonically, questioning in return, "Anything else you feel the need to question? I can explain why the sky is blue, if you-"

"Don't be a shit," Roxas replied, this time allowing himself to reach out and smack Axel.

* * *

><p>Just wanted to take a moment and say thanks for reading, and especially to those who review. Having imposed this routine on myself of updating every two weeks (or pretty nearly), this story sometimes feels more like work than anything else. But the reviews help remind me why I love writing. So thanks, guys. See you in two weeks.<p> 


	12. Troika

It's kind of short, and there's a note at the end, but I promise this is the last awkwardly short chapter.

**Warnings**: I... Okay, look. I like Kairi. Really, I do. But I don't like her. And I don't feel bad about using her. That is all.

* * *

><p>That had not been the last time Roxas was surprised at how easily Axel slipped into his life. But sometimes, it seemed like it was the other way around, that Roxas had been absorbed into Axel's routine.<p>

He made a point to come see Roxas for lunch every couple of days. He invited Roxas along when he had to visit one of the other shops, and Roxas met Marluxia (which he regretted almost immediately). He spent time with Roxas and Naminé in her apartment, sometimes bringing Demyx and Zexion, making dinner for them more often than not.

Roxas enjoyed it, though. The redhead grew more and more alive in the weeks after he came home from Port Royal, and it almost seemed like he was trying to give some of that life to Roxas. And, slowly and steadily, he was making progress. Roxas found himself laughing more, spending time with the members of _Organization XIII_, learning to belong with them.

In a way, too, he was learning to belong with his own friends again. He'd stopped pressing Sora for answers, and they'd reached a peaceful middle. They'd learned to just hang out and talk about nonsense and do the things they'd always done, and it was wonderful. Well, not wonderful, but it was good. Life was getting easier.

"Ready to go?" Axel asked, finally finishing handing off the shop for the day.

Nodding, Roxas asked, "Do you always give her such detailed instructions?"

"I'm thinking I might start putting up warning labels instead," Axel replied, chuckling as they headed out. "It's not that I don't trust her, but I know her temper. She can't help it."

Roxas had the seen evidence of this in the form of bruises and cuts on her face and arms (everywhere, really). "Why not?"

"Her whole family reacts that way," The redhead answered easily, pulling his hoodie a bit tighter to himself in the chill of a windy evening. "They have very strong beliefs, and when they're challenged, they lash out and get violent. That's how she ended up with the _Organization_, she got in a fight with her mother and ended up without a place to stay one night. We took her in and the rest is history."

Roxas wasn't surprised; pressing his lips together, he could name more than a few people he knew from that sort of family. "Think she'll ever get over it?"

"She is over it, believe or not," Axel returned. "Larxene has always been a rebel without a cause. She's always willing to fight for her beliefs, but she's never had anything to stand for, so she fought over everything. Now that she has us, now that she has a family who loves and protects her consistently, now she has something to fight for- so she can just skip the bullshit."

Roxas considered this, and decided, "She's lucky to have you guys."

"Everyone's lucky to have us!" Was the exuberant response. "I mean, have you seen us? We're sexy as fuck!"

Which was met with a hearty shove, and an easy laugh. It was easier to laugh.

And through his laughter, he almost didn't hear Kairi calling, "Roxas!"

But he did hear her, and saw her crossing the street towards him, with Sora and Riku in tow. Still grinning, he replied, "Hey! What are you guys doing?"

"Meeting Hayner, Pence and Olette for dinner down by the Struggle Arena," Kairi answered, asking without hesitation, "You should come too, you're not busy, are you?"

Roxas glanced at Axel, and he hesitated. He didn't want to tell Kairi no (because they rarely hung out as a group, the whole of them), but he didn't want to leave Axel.

Kairi followed his glance, saw the redhead, and introduced herself, "New face! My name's Kairi!"

"I'm Axel," Was the almost sheepish response, as he reached to shake her hand. "Roxas has told me about you."

She shot the blonde a teasingly angry look as she remarked, "Funny, he never mentioned you. Hey, do you have plans?"

"I- no?"

"Great!" She had yet to release his hand, and chose to just grab Roxas's and began to drag them along, saying, "You get to come with us!"

"I- okay?"

Roxas laughed again.

And that was how Axel found himself in a crowded booth in an old-fashioned burger joint, between Roxas and Kairi. The others had been at least as welcoming of him as she had, though Hayner had feigned some sort of distrust that Roxas assured was not personal. It didn't take long for them to both accept and dismiss Axel's presence, leaving him to watch and learn.

It was obvious that Pence and Olette were at least entertaining the idea of dating. They were both friendly enough, but shy when talking to each other; it was cute, a kind of innocence Axel didn't often see anymore. Like, if ever one of them were brave enough to take the other's hand, they would blush. It was sweet.

Hayner was a boisterous young man, with an eye for action and a mischievous grin; Axel like that about him. Sora was similar, though more subdued, with a gentleness that balanced out Hayner's abrupt way of talking. Riku was easily the most laid-back of the group, his voice warmer and more steady than pretty much everyone but Roxas.

Roxas, who was more tender with these people; and it extended to Axel (he thought), and he wondered if this meant they were closer than he'd thought. But then, he'd started noticing that, ever since he'd come back from Port Royal. The boundaries Axel had thought were established seemed to be disappearing, and he was glad of this.

When they'd first started this odd arrangement, Roxas flinched when Axel would touch him, and continue to look uncomfortable for a while. He didn't often initiate contact, and only brief, safe instances like handshakes were tolerated. When he talked about his life (because he was set on telling Axel his story (for the tattoo, after all)), his voice was soft and distant, because to get any closer would hurt.

Now, though, Roxas wasted no time handing out smacks to Axel when he needed them- which, apparently, was often- or giving him a nudge of his elbow, or pressing their knees together to emphasize a point. That last mannerism was especially present when talking, his voice still softer but gentler about his life, sitting next to Axel (not across from him), tapping knees or elbows or shoulders.

Small, simple points of contact that made Axel realize how vulnerable they both were.

But then there was Kairi, who was sitting close to Sora, very close; her hand was on his elbow, not exactly possessively but as if to anchor her to him; when she laughed, she leaned against him, just a little, and he would lean back and laugh. And the more he watched, the more Axel understood, and the more he realized how steady Riku had to be to see this and survive.

They were leaving hours later, with intent to meet again at another location (that Axel recalled vaguely but relied on Roxas to find). The group had split into different sects, and Axel had a few minutes to discuss with Roxas his observations of the night.

"So Sora and Kairi, huh?" He ventured.

Roxas gave him a sideways glance, as if demanding how Axel had arrived at that conclusion, but sighed and ran a hand through his hair, answering, "Yeah. I know."

"How's that working out for Riku?" Axel's voice was gentle, hoping Roxas would hear the rest of the question, _and how's that working for you?_

Pressing his lips together, Roxas answered, "Well, Riku called and told me, because Sora of course had told him. So when I calmed Riku down- I mean, he wasn't as bad as he used to be, no where near as bad, he was just scared he was going to start hating Sora for... I called Kairi and asked her just what the fuck she thought she was doing."

_An appropriate response,_ Axel thought. "And?"

"And she cried," Roxas answered with an adorable frustration in his tone, "And said she knew it was bad, but that she'd loved Sora for years and finally realized she'd been trying to turn Riku into Sora because Sora wasn't dating in high school, and she went on and on and I just... I don't know."

In his own fit of frustration, Axel muttered, stretching his arms upwards, "This is why I'm single. Relationships are just fucking ridiculous."

"What, you've been in one of these awkward triangles?" Roxas asked without any sort of doubt.

Sheepishly, Axel admitted, "Pretty much everything I've ever been in has been a triangle. Through no fault of my own, mind you."

"Then how?" Roxas didn't have the accusatory tone Axel was used to with this sort of conversation, and he was glad.

With a shrug, he answered, "Like... When we go to _Land of Dragons_, you always get the same thing, right?"

"Yeah, I love the egg foo young," Roxas remarked, though the thought of it after all the food he'd eaten was just enough to make him want to be sick.

Axel continued, "Well, do you ever go in thinking _hey, maybe I'll try something new, just to see if I like it more?_"

"Yeah, I guess, sometimes."

"That's me." Axel expected the confused look, and added, "When people have an interest in me, it's always a one-time incident or when they want to know if they're done. Maybe it's because they don't know if they're over their ex, or if they aren't sure if they want to be with guys or girls, or... Anyway. They don't chose me. I'm just a test, and I haven't ever really passed."

Roxas seemed to understand this, though he puzzled over it for a while before deciding, "So you've... never really had a relationship."

"Nope," This with a sigh, but it was calm and understated. "I've been in a lot of beds, and I've had a lot of experience. Demyx likes to say I have a _history of promiscuity._ I don't really regret anything, I mean, that's more effort than I care to put into something like that. I just worry that if I ever actually try for a relationship, my reputation will follow me around and be held against me."

Which wouldn't surprise either of them. But Roxas just nodded a little before deciding, "If you decide to get into a relationship, the other person should accept you anyway. Otherwise, they're not worth it."

And for some reason, that was comforting.

When he didn't offer anything else, Axel prompted carefully, "Sora doesn't know how bad Riku got hurt, does he?"

"No one does," Was the soft reply. "Just me- well, and you, but pretend you don't." Which was sealed with a small shove.

Axel grinned in spite of the somber conversation, adding, "Remind me not to tell you secrets."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

><p>So here's the deal. I'm getting ready to start at university this fall, and it's taking up a lot of time. And I realized with this chapter that two weeks just isn't enough time to get everything written. I finished this in just over that (still short, but complete), but it was a struggle. I'm not going to be able to finish the next chapter in any time less than three weeks, so plan for that. Um.<p>

Also, I'm sorry if this sounds really abrupt. I'm trying to be reasonable. I really appreciate your support and reviews, and I hope you'll continue to read. But I've got to take care of myself, so I hope you'll understand if I take a little longer to update. Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you're having a safe summer!


	13. Hors de Combat

Look! It's been three weeks! And I have a chapter! Yay! Anyway. We're moving on into more plot-focused stuff now, and the pieces should start coming together in the next couple of chapters.

**Warnings:** Um... Angst, I guess? Does this count as Angst?

* * *

><p><em>We need to talk.<em>

It was easily the billionth time Roxas had found the message on his phone. And for the billionth time, he ignored it.

The whole situation wasn't like Seifer, really, just repeating that tactic; if it was important enough to send the message the first time, he would have just found Roxas and made him talk. That was the kind of directness that Roxas had come to expect from Seifer, the kind that took care of what needed taking care of. He was glad, though, that Seifer had not come after him.

He wasn't really sure why he kept disregarding the attempts at contact. It was probably important. But he couldn't make himself care. He knew it would be bad. That was how the world worked; everything would be okay for a while, then it'd fall apart. Happened before, bound to happen again. And he wasn't ready to let go of the peace he'd found.

"That's the sixteenth time your phone's gone off today," Axel mused lightly.

With a deep breath, Roxas agreed, "Yup."

"Same person?"

"Yup."

"Same message?"

This brought an almost sheepish grin, and Roxas murmured, "You've been reading over my shoulder, haven't you?"

"Yup," Axel replied without a glance of shame on his face. Carefully, he moved a little closer to Roxas, asking, "What's up?"

Roxas considered this for a moment before answering, "I don't know. Seifer just keeps saying that he wants to talk."

_That sounds ominous_, Axel thought to himself. And he saw it in the aching way Roxas held his shoulders; the blonde was worried, too. "How long has he been trying to talk?"

"About a week?" Roxas flipped through the messages, adding with something like surprise, "Well, two."

He didn't respond at first, watching Roxas's face. This wasn't like him, not at all. Roxas didn't stray away from anything, not even unpleasant things. Axel had learned that he preferred to get things done and over with so he wouldn't have to worry about them later. A few days waiting, maybe; Roxas was still a bit sore over what happened between him and Seifer. But weeks was unthinkable.

But he knew that meant it wasn't just unpleasant or worrisome; Roxas was scared.

Just as he was forming a response, Roxas added, "His, um... His leave's up. He should be leaving soon. I don't want to listen to him justify that."

"What do you mean?" Axel asked after a moment, pressing against Roxas's shoulder, the way he sometimes did, a way to ask if he was falling apart inside.

Roxas pressed back, which meant he was okay, and he replied, "He doesn't want me to be mad that he's still conscripted. He wants to tell me why we're still okay, in spite of that."

Axel understood that a little, musing softly, "Are you mad?"

"No," Roxas murmured with a soft smile. "If we were reversed, if he was stuck here and I was leaving, I'd still leave. I'm not holding it against him."

Very gently, Axel offered, "You should tell him that, you know."

Blue eyes slid closed to his voice, but he knew better than to worry that Roxas was tuning him out. After a moment, Roxas nodded. "I should tell him that."

When he stood, presumably to go find and talk to Seifer, Axel stood with him. "You gonna be alright?"

"You're doing that psychologist thing again," Roxas teased softly.

The redhead shrugged, admitting, "I studied it for too long, it's just second nature."

"Whatever," Roxas dismissed, adding ruefully, "But yeah, unless I'm wrong and that's not why he wants to talk, which would be my luck..."

Axel reached out, tenderly grabbing the back of Roxas's neck and squeezing. It wasn't something he did a lot, because though Roxas trusted him, Axel knew there was an instinct in him that warned against such intimate touches. And that simple touch _would_ be intimate to Roxas, just because he felt so vulnerable, with Axel's hand so close to his throat, so able to manipulate him.

_I really can't help it_, he thought to himself, realizing just how much he figured out about Roxas, just from being around him and knowing what to look for. He'd learned, somewhere along the line, the younger was practically fearless save for dark, primitive, instinctive fears. He'd learned that sometimes Roxas was okay with touch, but sometimes he wasn't.

Today, though, he gave Axel a tired smile, which meant they were both okay. "Thanks."

* * *

><p>He wanted to take a moment to gather this thoughts, but ended up taking a couple of hours of aimless wandering. Finally he sent the heavy message, <em>Let's talk.<em>

Seifer called; which caught Roxas more off guard than anything else he'd done.

But he answered readily enough, "Hey?"

"_I wish you'd answered me sooner, I'm on my way down to the airfield,_" Seifer chided, and Roxas could hear him shuffling in the background. "_Can you meet me there in like, ten minutes?_"

Roxas wanted to say no, they could say whatever needed to be said on the phone, he didn't need to go there. But he took a deep breath and said, "Yeah. I'll see you there."

He was practically at the airfield, which he'd been aware of for a while. It hurt, kind of, to be so close to the place that meant leaving; sure, he'd flown out of _Lufaine_ to go get Sora, but all pilots flying for the KM Theater left through Cape Suzette Airfield, and he'd managed to avoid it for the most part.

As he headed towards the front gates, he was glad he'd decided to walk; Roxas was sure, if he'd had his truck, he would've just turned and drove home.

He was more familiar with the scene than he wished, but it was almost comforting. Family members seeing their pilots off, worn and loved uniforms loose and comforting. Because that was what every pilot was used to, climbing back into their jumpsuits, putting on a face that says _It's not that long, I'll be back soon._ Their uniform was that promise, that they'd be back.

It was childish, and he almost remembered knowing it when he told Naminé the same thing, but Roxas didn't spend a lot of time wondering. He decided to sit and wait for Seifer.

He still knew how to identify each uniform. The color of the jumpsuit identified brigades; most of them were from Mufasa's, though he'd seen some from Sultan's as well. The band on the right sleeve marked company, and on that a patch to distinguish route. He saw a couple of crews from O'Malley, but from the lack of families, they were probably stopping for a delivery or refuel. Figaro was a little out of range to be stopping in Radiant Garden, but he wasn't terrible surprised, they tended to get sent off their usual route.

Roxas felt his throat catch when he saw someone from Cheshire. He still had his uniform, he wished he could just slipped back into it and onto a ship. It'd be easy.

He hadn't realized he was staring until that pilot turned, and their eyes met. Roxas was glad he was sitting, because as she rushed over to him, he felt his head spin.

"Oh my God, finally!" She grabbed onto his arm, pulling him up into a hug that he instinctively returned. "Roxas! Where have you been?"

Quickly reminding himself to breathe, he answered, "Xion, I... Wow, it's been forever."

"Seven damn months!" The young navigator pulled away, pushing her dark bangs from her face with a smile. "We've had a temp pilot for the last four while you were messing around here, and that kid was just useless, I was doing his job most of the time. When Tara said we were stopping here to pick up our pilot I was so relieved. He better not volunteer us to take another trainee again."

His mouth was dry when he tried to speak, asking, "You're picking up your pilot from here?"

"Yeah, obviously, you're our pilot and you live here, who else would it be?" Xion was slowing down, taking a better look at him, around him, asking, "Why aren't you in uniform? Where's your stuff?"

"I-"

"Roxas!"

Suddenly it clicked, and as he and Xion turned towards the voice, he saw understanding on her face as well. Because Seifer's uniform was still coded for Mufasa's Brigade, but the band on his arm reflected Cheshire Company, and Roxas didn't have to look to know what route he'd been assigned.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, answering, "Xion, I'm not your pilot."

She turned back to him, glancing at Seifer and back to their- _her_- ship, and he felt his heart break as her eyes filled with tears.

"No. Roxas, no, you can't-" She stepped back, as if to flee, but Roxas wasn't letting that happen, grabbing her and pulling her into another crushing embrace as she continued, "You can't- I didn't think they would _do _this. They just told us you were on medical leave, that we'd have our pilot in a few months- Roxas, you can't be _papered,_ not you!"

He managed to keep his voice steady as he murmured, "I know, Xion, it sucks, but that's what happened. You're gonna be fine, though, alright? You don't need-"

"Like _Hell _we don't need you!" Her voice broke, her shoulders shaking as sobs crept from her chest. "You're our pilot, Roxas. You're our family."

_It's my fault she's hurting like this,_ Roxas scolded himself, pulling her closer as he murmured, "You're gonna be fine, Xi, I promise. I know him, he's a great pilot. You'll be fine."

She nodded against his shoulder, but as she stepped back her face was resolute. "He won't be you."

"I know," He dropped his eyes and added, "I'm sorry."

A moment of quiet passed between them before they realized Seifer was hovering, just far enough away to give them space. Taking a deep breath, Xion turned to him, extending a hand and taking his duffel bag; Roxas made her stop long enough to wipe the tears from her face, adding something like _don't fall to pieces, you muppet._ And she hugged him again, turning and heading towards the ship.

Roxas turned to Seifer. "This is what you wanted to talk about."

"I tried to tell you as soon as I found out," Seifer answered the accusation, knowing better but trying anyway.

Shaking his head, Roxas felt his own eyes stinging, and he practically growled, "You should have fucking told me, you knew how to find me."

"What could-" He gave up, rubbing the back of his neck and apologizing, "I know, Roxas, I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you."

They were both watching Xion as she stood in front of her supervisor, trying not to break down again. Tara glanced at Seifer and Roxas in turn, and after giving his navigator a soft smile and gentle nudge into the ship, he started towards them. Panic flooded Roxas's system and he knew that if he stayed he was going to lose what little self-control he had left.

So he gave Seifer another glance, retorting as he turned to leave, "This wasn't your best option."

As he left the hangar, it was drizzling. Of course.

* * *

><p>He wasn't soaked by the time he made it to Axel's loft, but he was more than a little damp, and his hands were cold enough to make handling the key difficult. About the third time he missed and dropped it, he was ready to just walk away and head back to Naminé's couch. He didn't even know what he was doing there. Why he thought Axel's home was any safer than-<p>

The door opened, a confused and immediately concerned redhead staring down at him. "Roxas-"

"He was reassigned to my crew," Roxas explained, a breathy and slightly hysterical laugh slipping from his lips. "I was down at the airfield, waiting to talk to him before he shipped out, and my navigator came over and she- they never told her I was gone. She thought I was on med leave, not- and she _broke,_ and he _knew_ and I-"

He was crying, his tears hot against his chilled cheeks. Axel was standing there, his eyes wide and lost. "I'm sorry, I just didn't know where else to go-"

This seemed to unfreeze Axel; his arms wrapped around Roxas, pulling him close, the heat of his body seeping into Roxas without hesitation or resistance. The blonde pressed his hands to Axel's back, taking hold of his shirt, trying to stand steady even as he felt himself collapsing, finding it hard to breathe around his strangled sobs.

He almost didn't hear Axel murmur, "I'm glad you came here."

* * *

><p><em>This is probably not the strangest place to wake up.<em>

Axel knew he'd dozed off somewhere in the middle of the second movie, since Roxas had finally passed out. It had taken some coaxing; a pair of borrowed pajamas, some reheated chili, a well-loved quilt from the closet. The last straw, as Roxas had once again pulled himself back from sleep, was Axel pulling him down, settling his head on a pillow in the elder's lap.

By that point, he'd been too tired to argue. And, as he drifted off, Axel had permitted himself to play with those blonde spikes, pushing them one way then another, mindful of the bar in Roxas's ear.

Now he was waking up, with Roxas still resting in his lap, the menu playing perpetually in the background. He still wasn't sure he understood what was going on, apart from Roxas's first explanation. They hadn't talked much, and knowing Roxas, this might take a while to get through. Which made Axel nervous, and he didn't know why at first.

But as Roxas's eyes slid open without preamble, he saw the pain there. And he realized that until Roxas was ready to talk, he was going through that alone.

Without realizing it, he'd started to play with Roxas's hair again; when the younger turned his head to give him a calm, unassuming stare, he offered a smile.

"Hey."

Roxas almost returned the greeting, but couldn't manage the smile. "Hey."

"Naminé called," Axel said, his voice low and warm, "I told her you were probably gonna stay here tonight."

Blue eyes fell from the green, and he replied, "Thanks. I didn't even think to call her."

"She said she wasn't surprised," Axel comforted, and as Roxas resettled into his lap, he added, "I think she's just happy that you're not alone all the time."

He felt Roxas sigh, completely relaxing against him (which was more comforting than it should have been). "Me, too."

"You can always come here, you know, right?"

"That's why I kept the key."

* * *

><p>Thanks again for reading, and hope to see you back in another couple of weeks! The next chapter may be a few days late, because I'm literally moving into my dorm three weeks from this day, but it shouldn't be much of a delay, if at all.<p> 


	14. Hackneyed

**Warnings:** Angst. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAANGST. I just. I'm sorry. But I promise; everything will work someday, maybe not how you think, but it will.

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><p>It was Tuesday.<p>

Roxas knew that Tuesdays were Demyx Days; he and Axel would be idiots for the majority of the day (though that was not especially different from any other day), concluding the shenanigans at _Land of Dragons_ eating bao and other such foods. This had been a truth he'd learned early on with Axel, and he had never seen a Tuesday that wasn't a Demyx Day.

But it was Tuesday. And Axel was sitting on the stairs leading to his apartment. Looking very confused. And all alone.

"What are you doing here?" Roxas asked, taking a seat next to him.

True to form, Axel gave him a sardonic chuckle and replied, "I don't know how to tell you this, but I live here."

"Don't be a shit," Roxas scolded, tapping his knee against Axel's leg, asking again, softer, "What are you doing here? Where's Demyx?"

Axel sighed nervously before answering, "I don't know. I haven't heard from him in a few days. He hasn't been by the shop, he hasn't called or sent messages or anything. And I... I called today, and he didn't answer. And he always answers. Has since the first time I tried to... But he didn't answer. I don't know where he is."

He sounded so lost, so confused, so scared, but somehow very calm. Roxas just listened as Axel recounted these thoughts, spinning his cell phone in his hands absentmindedly; but Roxas could see they were shaking, just a little bit. It was so familiar, the panic that had frozen Axel to these stairs, and Roxas understood it perfectly.

Carefully, he pulled the phone from the redhead's hands. The fidgeting stopped, the shaking more apparent. Green eyes met his shyly, as if a child asking a parent what to do about the monsters.

It had been a few weeks since Seifer had shipped out. At first, Roxas had sheepishly tried to maintain something of a respectable distance from Axel, but the latter wasn't having any of that. Axel had started to accompany Roxas on most of his adventures, and when he didn't, everyone (even Sora and Pence) asked for a reason. Most nights Roxas was at his place until very late, and more than once he'd claimed the couch for the night. Axel had saved Roxas from the cliff again, and he wasn't rushing towards it any time soon.

But sitting there, Roxas could see that Axel was eying the edge anxiously; he gave him a soft, coaxing stare. "You'll find him."

"Yeah," Axel agreed after a moment, standing up. "I'll find him. Jeez, here I am, about as useful as a wet paper sack, and who know what's going on with Demyx. I gotta find him."

_Now you sound like yourself,_ Roxas thought, asking lightly, "Do you want me to come with you?"

Axel seemed taken aback by this, but after a moment of consideration, he replied, "Nah, he... There are some situations you don't want to see your friends in, Rox." He swallowed, as if his throat was dry, before continuing, "Situations you don't want your friends to see you in. If this is one of those situations, I don't want you to see him. Not until he's ready."

Roxas wasn't sure he understood that. But he wasn't going to argue, standing and shaking his head, answering all the same. "Alright."

"Thanks," Axel murmured, adding as he started away, "I'll call when I know he's okay."

* * *

><p>Axel walked up to Demyx's apartment, and was surprised and alarmed to find the door open. Not wide open, just slightly ajar, like someone had pushed it and considered it shut without listening for the latch. But Zexion hated that, Zexion always went and closed the door. He hated leaving doors open behind him.<p>

He pushed it open, his nervousness not ending there. The lights were all off, the apartment looking like no one had been there in days.

"Demyx?" Axel called, storming in without even a pretense of regard.

But he stopped, turning around when he heard, "In the kitchen."

As his eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness of the space, he could see the outline of Demyx on the kitchen floor; he flipped the light switch, watching as Demyx instinctively flinched from the glare, covering his face with his hand. _He looks like a wreck._ Like he'd lived on that floor for a while, like he hadn't slept in months and had been asleep for years.

Then Axel saw the bottles on the floor surrounding the blonde; Elixirs, three of them.

"Demyx." His voice wasn't scolding, it was sad.

Braving the light, sea-green eyes agreed, "I know."

"Did you take all three together?" Axel asked, checking the bottles to see what dose each was.

Demyx answered, "I took two first, then a few hours later I took the third. What day is it?"

"Tuesday," Axel responded off-handedly, adding, "Each of these are two doses, you could have died."

His last comment was lost, as Demyx was calculating, "So that was last Thursday. It's taken me almost a week to wind down from those."

Axel sighed, sitting on the floor near him, asking very carefully, "Have you eaten anything?"

"I think I had some water the day before yesterday," Demyx replied. "I haven't really been able to move."

Pressing a hand to the back of his neck, Axel commented, "You've still got the fever from them, you're lucky you can talk."

"That's why I came to the kitchen," Demyx explained, "It was so hot, but these tiles are always freezing. I was trying to prevent my brain from melting. The last couple of days- I guess it's been days- I've been getting the chills on and off, but I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Either I got through the worst of it, or my body's giving up on me."

Axel shook his head, but in the end he just said, "I'm gonna run you a bath. Not that you can, but don't go anywhere. We have to talk about this."

He walked away without another word, and he hoped Demyx knew he wasn't trying to be an asshole. _But this... _Of all the things Demyx had done, and he'd done some pretty stupid stuff over the years, he had never done anything like this. He never touched Elixirs. He knew that was how Axel's mother had died, and he and Axel had both sworn they'd never do something so stupid.

When he'd filled the bathtub with decently warm water, he returned to his best friend, who'd pulled himself to a seated position.

"C'mon."

They managed to get Demyx to the bathroom, with Axel half-carrying him. Rather than bother trying to undress him, Axel dumped Demyx into the water clothed in an old pair of pajama bottoms and one of his favorite Lenne shirts. His eyes cleared immediately in a reaction to the heat of the water, but Demyx began to relax into it. His muscles were still tense from the fallout of the drugs, but the water would help loosen them in time.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

His voice wasn't angry, it was scared; and Demyx heard it, and opened his eyes, locking with Axel's. "I wasn't thinking."

"Demyx," Axel pleaded, "You took six doses of Elixir within hours of each other."

Tilting his head back, submerging his ears for a moment, Demyx answered, "I know. I'm sorry."

Axel couldn't form anything else, just watching the tremors subside from Demyx's body.

"You know," Demyx added sheepishly, as if he had just realized this, "I wasn't trying to kill myself. You have to know that."

His voice low and pained, Axel demanded, "Then what the fuck were you doing?"

"I... I just needed to sleep," Demyx answered, glancing away.

His eyes had changed; suddenly he realized what he'd done, suddenly he remembered why he did it. And suddenly, he was undone.

Axel was brave enough to ask, "Dem, where's Zexion?"

"He's gone." His breathing quickened as he added, "He's gone, and he didn't come home Tuesday, and I tried to call him and he didn't answer, and he always comes home, even if he's mad, and especially if he's mad, but he wasn't mad, at least not that he told me, and he- Fuck." His body gave out, tears flowing and chest trembling as Demyx tried to continue.

Finally he managed, his voice harsh and broken, "I kept trying to call, just begging him to tell me he was okay, that he didn't have to tell me what was going on, just let me know he's alive, and all I got was a fucking message that said _I'm done_. And he didn't come home, and I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I can't- he's gone, and I-"

Axel was sitting on the edge of the tub, soothing, "Hey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need-"

"Like _Hell_ I don't need him!" Demyx choked out his response. "I'm scared. Axel, I'm so scared. I can't do this without him. I can't breathe without him here."

Which Axel understood perfectly. "You have to, Demyx. You have to keep going."

"For what?" He asked with a mirthless bark of laughter. "None of it matters, right? After everything, after all the bullshit we've gone through just being together, he's just gone and _done._ I'm too scared to even ask what that means. If he says he doesn't love me anymore, I just- I'll disappear. I'd tear out my heart and throw it away before I could hear that from him."

It broke Axel to bits and pieces, hearing him say that. And he had nothing to offer, nothing to save Demyx from that darkness.

"Maybe it's too late," Demyx added softly, eyes bloodshot and still tearing. "Maybe that's what the Elixirs were, just a way to pull everything out. Everything just hurts without him here, everything echoes with the idea that he's gone. I know I have to keep going, but I... not with all that. Not carrying around what he left behind. I shouldn't have to, right?"

Axel pressed his lips together, answering, "No. If he- he knew what he was doing, when he left. It's not your burden to bear."

"I will, though." This with the sad, shaky defeat Axel had feared. "I will, because even though he left, even if he doesn't love me anymore, hell, even if he never loved me, I've always loved him. So even if he doesn't love me, even if he's done with me and never comes home, I'll keep going. I'll pack everything up and put it on a shelf, so if he comes back, I can show him just what he abandoned."

Of all people, Axel understood this. He'd been doing the same thing since Reno left. This whole affair was so painfully reminiscent of Reno's disappearance; the destruction that followed, the emptiness, the want for it to be over, the need to continue through it. And the hope, even though it will hurt more than leaving, that he'd come back.

So now he would do for Demyx what the blonde had done for him so long ago.

"Look at me when I say this." He was graced with Demyx's stare, the sea glass eyes finally cleared from the Elixir's fever. "I'm not going to tell you that everything will turn out okay. You know as well as I do that things don't always work the way we want them to. I can't promise he'll come back. I can't promise you'll fix what's broken and it'll be like he never left. I can't promise you that."

Demyx glanced away, but only for a moment; Axel knew it was hard for him to hear, and waited to regain his gaze.

When he had it, he continued, "But I can promise I'm not going anywhere. I can promise I'll be here to help you get through this. And I can promise you will get through this, if it kills me. Got it memorized?"

"Yeah. It better not, though," Demyx chided, for a moment sounding like himself with something like a smile, "I put a lot of effort into making sure nothing kills you."

Axel gave a small grin in return before adding, "Ready to get out of there?"

"Yeah, it's hot."

They managed to pull him out of the tub and stumble into the next room. Demyx told Axel where to find his clothes as he began undressing, but before long it was obvious that he was going to need help with that task. Axel didn't think anything of stripping Demyx down; there was a clinical, impersonal air to his actions, as if he was a doctor tending his patient.

After years of tattoo some strange images on some stranger places, the redhead had lost all sense of modesty.

For a while, things seemed okay. He got Demyx dried off, into a pair of sweatpants and a tee-shirt. The blonde was able to keep his eyes from seeing the empty bed, which he knew would break him into a thousand pieces. He walked without too much assistance from Axel into the living room, and almost made it to the couch without incident.

Almost.

Because there on the end table was Zexion's favorite book, which Demyx had never even bothered to ask about. Because there over the back of the couch was Zexion's hoodie, which he always had with him, always. And there, in the corner of the couch, right where he'd been intending to settle, was Chester.

And Axel knew it, as he watched Demyx pick up the stuffed toy; just a little black bug-creature, with big yellow eyes. He knew that it reminded Demyx of the Cat, whom he really did love but couldn't stand to be around; he knew that Zexion had learned this and brought the toy home for Demyx, who named him Chester (for reasons unknown). He'd had it for years

Demyx was running his fingers over the old material, brushing away some dust and fuzz. He was careful of the stitches that Zexion had painstakingly made to repair holes made over time, because Zexion always swore that if they gave out because Demyx was being careless he wouldn't replace them. Because he was always careful when Zexion did these things, because it was love.

Was.

He pressed it against his chest, feeling the cracks reforming, breaking him apart; Axel's arms were around him immediately to shelter him from the dark.

"Ten fucking years, and none of it mattered enough to make him stay."

"You'll be okay, Dem."

"I knew everything fades to dust and darkness eventually, I just didn't think it'd be him already."

"You'll be okay."

"Nothing's okay. Nothing matters. He's gone, and I'm so lost."

"I know."

* * *

><p>Roxas was tending the Cat when he got the message: <em>Found him.<em>

He replied: _Is he okay?_

The response took a while, and wasn't especially reassuring: _Yes, but he isn't._

Before he could ask what kind of clown-ass answer that was, his phone started to ring with Axel's name flashing on its front. "What's going on?"

"_He's not dead,_" Axel explained, his voice soft, "_But that's the only good thing. I found him on his kitchen floor, he took six doses of Elixir all together._"

The idea was inconceivable. "Fuck, is he gonna be alright?"

"_I don't know._" Which was not what Roxas had expected, and as the redhead continued he felt his heart sinking, "_I mean, he's fine as far as it goes, but he... He's hurting, kid, he's hurting bad._"

"What happened?" Roxas murmured, sitting at the table.

He heard Axel sigh before answering, "_Zexion left. He didn't tell Demyx anything, and after he tried to talk to him he just got a message saying that Zexion was done._"

"What does that... Shit. What's he going to do?" Roxas finally asked.

"_I don't know, I'm not even sure what he's doing right now." _ Silence, then Axel added, "_Anyway, I digress. Just wanted to let you know I found him."_

Roxas pressed his lips together before answering, "Alright. Let me know if you need anything."

"_Yeah. Thanks._" But before he could end the call, he heard Axel say softly, "_Rox?_"

He ignored the way his hair stood on end as he replied, "Yeah?"

"_I just... if I hadn't come to find him... I'm glad you told me to find him, okay?_"

"...Okay," Roxas answered, still unsure he knew what Axel was talking about.

For a while, there was just the sound of breath between them; then, as if realizing this, Axel cleared his throat and murmured, "_So yeah, um... Thanks, and I... I'll keep you posted._"

"Alright."

* * *

><p>"I don't know how I'm going to do this."<p>

Patiently, Axel answered, "One step at a time, Dem."

"No, I mean," He cleared his throat, lying on his kitchen floor again, "I actually don't know how I'm going to survive. It was hard enough making ends meet with two incomes, now it's just mine, I just..."

Axel had considered this already, but had yet to come up with a solution. He replied carefully, "We'll figure it out. We always do, when shit goes wrong, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Demyx sighed, and almost apologetically added, "You know you're one of my best friends, right?"

"Bullshit, I'm your ONLY best friend," Axel teased, giving the blonde a small, tender smile.

He was able to return it as he continued, "Yeah, well. I just wanted to tell you that. So when I lie around and cry and say I'm never gonna be the same and how much I need him, it's not because I don't need you, or because you're not enough. And that looks says you get it," Which Axel did, which is why he was giving Demyx a snarky _are-we-really-doing-this_ look, "But I still wanted to tell you."

"I get it," Axel affirmed, not just what Demyx was saying, but why. And, because he knew he needed to hear it, he murmured "I'll never be him."

Demyx's voice crackled when he replied, "I don't want you to be. Especially if that means you won't abandon me."

Axel, who had been making some soup for them to share, paused for just a moment before turning the stove off and sliding to the floor next to Demyx. His best friend reacted immediately, curling into the fetal position, his head near Axel's thigh as his body shook from stifled sobs again. Axel knew better than to try to talk him through it, he wouldn't have words to heal this hurt.

In the end, as Demyx spiraled through the dark, searching for the light of his life, all Axel could do was pull him closer and let him go.

* * *

><p>Against his better judgment, he went home that night. Demyx said he needed to be in his head for a while. Axel made him promise to call if he couldn't get out, and he had, so he left.<p>

When he walked in, the lights were lit, and the late-night news was droning on; Roxas's head popped up from the couch, studying the redhead. He knew he looked wrecked. Saving people from the monsters wasn't easy, especially when he couldn't. He'd nearly cried himself driving home, but he'd been too tired and too ready to get home.

He dropped his jacket and made his way to the couch, passing Roxas as he headed to the kitchen. He paid him no mind; not because he didn't care, but because he knew Roxas would just tell him if there was something wrong. Instead, he took his place, stretching out on his back on the couch, kicking off his shoes and trying to collect himself.

"Sit up, loser."

Without any type of rebuttal, Axel pulled his torso up enough to give Roxas a spot to sit, and without bothering to ask permission, he uncurled back into his lap. He could tell Roxas was sitting sideways, his back against the arm of the couch, and he just stared up into the blue eyes for a moment before sliding his eyes closed.

"I tried to call him, on the way home," Axel explained, swallowing the dryness in his throat. "He didn't answer. I left a really angry voicemail."

Roxas shifted under him, and after a moment he felt something unbearably cold on his eyelids. He realized it was ice, and while it was almost painful at first, as Roxas gently massaged first one eye, then the other, it was almost a relief.

He managed to continue, his voice rasping in spite of himself, "I told him he was being a bitch, running off like that, without even giving Demyx a chance to... just, anything. He didn't give him a chance to make him stay. And I told him that if anything happened to him, I'd hold Zexion responsible, and that he better not get hurt or killed, because Demyx would... He'd never forgive himself. I wouldn't, either."

The ice went away, and Roxas used his thumbs to apply pressure to Axel's temples; carefully, gently, he pressed them upwards, meeting in the center of his forehead before traveling down the bridge of his nose and over his cheek bones, returning to his temples.

When he started to repeat the motion, Axel asked, "What kind of magic are you working now?"

"We got stuck in Traverse Town for a couple of weeks," Roxas explained, his voice soft and patient, "Another ship smacked in ours during landing. My headaches were at their worst then, and Xion... She did this for me, and it always helped." After a moment, as though realizing just how much he was touching him, Roxas added, "I can stop."

"I didn't... Please. Don't."

Roxas heard his voice crackle, as if buckling under a great weight. He watched, helpless, as Axel tried to keep himself pulled together. Knowing what was coming next, he reached for another piece of ice; the green eyes were hot under his fingers, which was something he'd gotten used to, but he knew better.

He knew the water from the melting ice would cover any evidence. He knew the shadows of the room would hide how much Axel was shaking.

He knew he could- and had to- protect Axel from his demons.

* * *

><p>So um. Yeah.<p>

If it makes you feel better, I did get shot four times today. So. There's that.


End file.
